I Won't Fall For Her
by evasofiadelgado
Summary: Of course she will, she'll fall deep into the blue sky of those eyes, so high that she might as well learn how to fly. Of course she will, she'll fall deep into the green forest of those eyes, so deep that she might end up getting lost in it. Or Lexa falls for her best friend Clarke, and after a few ups and downs let's hope they end up together… Of course they will
1. Chapter 1

A normal life from normal teenagers. Maybe not so normal… but then who's the one to say what is and is not NORMAL?

Lexa has a brother and a sister, both younger than her, that she loves/hates as any normal older sister. A dad and a mother, both alive and caring parents, sometimes even too much. Living in a little town, with so few people that everyone knows everything about everyone. Also as a normal teenager, all that she dreams about is to go to college, so that she can finally get out of that little town.

She has two really great best friends, a boy and a girl. The boy is this really tall and athletic guy with a really great body that has all the girls, and boys falling over him. With Lincoln she has the best weird conversations, about nothing and everything, the future and present, Tv shows and real life, etc. The girl… the girl is one of those girls that is beautiful and doesn't know it. She's the girl that made Lexa question everything, even how to breathe… but we're getting way ahead of ourselves here.

This story, it starts at the end of 12 grade. The year when Lexa met Clarke, her now best friend. Clarke was this really smart, cute and friendly girl, who knew exactly what she wanted to do with her future and she was fighting for it. A lot like Lexa who was also quiet, funny yes, but someone that liked to keep her emotions controlled and to herself, although Lexa knew nothing about her future except for the fact that she was going to leave that town.

The day she met Clarke was as normal as any other day. She woke up not so radiant to go to school, dressed up, ate something and her father drove her and her brother and sister to school because it was Thursday. At Thursdays she had gym at the end of the day, her last class. She kind of liked it, the class itself and the fact that it was at the end of the day, she could let go of all the stress she got build up from the day.

Technically they had already been introduced to each other, at her cousin's birthday party, 2 years before, but they had never really talked. Clarke had gym at the same time she did so, God knows why, in that day, while they were all waiting for their teachers to come, Lexa and Clarke end it up talking. They talked about youtubers, Tv shows and the night when they had actually met. Clarke was shy and Lexa was also shy but had a different way of dealing with it, by being extra loud and funny, so that people would focus on her stupidity and loud voice instead of herself and her emotions. That day was when they actually connected. They ended it up having the gym class both in the same place, so their classes shared the court. They spent the entire class talking about everything and went on after class in the locker rooms. Their friendship started that day.

The weeks passed and their friendship grew bigger and stronger. They found out about all the things they had in common and learned about all the things that made them completely different from one another.

Lexa started talking about Clarke with Lincoln, her best friend, a lot. Lincoln was not exactly an expert in feelings and relationships at any kind, gay or straight, I mean yeah, he was popular with the girls, but Lexa had never seen him actually taking advantage of that. Because, let's be honest here, the so called "friendship" between Lexa and Clarke grew from just to girls that had seen each other once to practically best friends in less than a month, something that was definitely not normal. They just really felt good around each other and never ran out of things to talk about. But despite all that, for Lexa it was the most normal thing ever. They spent all the time they had together, studying and talking about the future, like what they wanted to major in. Clarke wanted to go to med school, a little bit due to her mother who was a surgeon, and Lexa had a lot of ideas but nothing sure just yet. She liked helping people, so of course med school had already crossed her mind, but her grades were not high enough for that and she couldn't see herself as a doctor, having to cut people open and stuff was not really her thing. They were already at the last 3 months of 12 grade, then exams and finally vacations. Lexa hadn't actually worried about what to choose until she met Clarke, someone that had almost her entire future planned. It was rather scary.

Lincoln, Lexa's best friend, was pretty much like Clarke, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with his future, he was going to be a cardio pediatric surgeon. Really specific, but he was stubborn, when he putted something in his mind he would do everything to achieve it, he just wouldn't give up until he got what he wanted, Lexa had already seen him doing that many times before.

Lexa started researching colleges and majors. Deep down she knew that she wanted to do something meaningful with her life, she just didn't know what exactly yet. She loved writing and was rather good at it, at least her teacher and the really fewer people that had had the chance of reading something of hers, thought so. She also liked photography, kind of… She was just really confused. A major in law had already crossed her mind, she liked the idea of being a lawyer for the minority, to be able to give a voice to those who couldn't be heard. And she had also thought about following something like journalism, something that could make her travel around the world reporting the awful things that happened in the world, but also the beautiful ones. It really was a hard choice. She knew she was a little bit more inclined to the journalist one due to the travelling part, but she also knew that studying law would be something more stable and she would really appreciate that in the future. She also knew that her dad would prefer for her to be a lawyer than a journalist, not that she was talking that into consideration. _At least not that much… I'm choosing my future, not his!_ But still, law seamed better to her, so she went with that one. She could always change courses if she ended up not liking law.

It was settled then; Lexa was going to be a lawyer. She couldn't yet see herself as one, but she definitely liked the course and all the disciplines looked exciting to her. She started to work with an objective, with a plan for her future. She even found a college out of town, in the capital of the country, which was exactly the city she wanted to go to. It was perfect. Lexa started then to tell everyone the news. Her mother seemed ok with her choice and as always, very supportive, and as expected so was her dad, thrilled actually, with her choice. He worried to much about Lexa's future and always kind of had a plan for both his daughters, he wanted them to follow something in the area of computing he said "That's the future to our society! You'll see!", but neither one of them seemed too eager to follow that plan. Anya and Aden were happy for her, as much as any younger sister and brother could be for this aspect in concrete. Anya even said that if she was to get in trouble with law she would have someone to "save" her from it. _Anya, always the trouble maker… At least in her own mind…_

She also decided to tell Clarke, of course. This one afternoon, Clarke invited Lexa to her house, they were going to study. Clarke's parents weren't going to be home, so the house would be quiet. Lexa decided to tell her the good news that day. They ended up not studying at all, instead they spent the entire afternoon laying in Clarke's bed talking.

-Clarke, I have something to tell you… - Lexa said while laying on one side of the bed, looking into her best friend's eyes, those cerulean eyes that always made her question if friendship was all she wanted from her best friend. She was keeping her voice low, pretending that she had bad news to tell. She could see that the pretending was working, because her friend's deep blue eyes flooded with worry.

-What is it? Is everything ok? – Clarke was looking and reading every little move from Lexa's face, like she was a book and she was eager to find out what happened in the end. That was one of the reasons that made Lexa like her best friend so much, Clarke knew her like no one else, because she had this ability of reading her like a book. Lexa usually was really good at hiding her emotions and keeping a neutral face expression, but Clarke could read all her little micro expressions that no one else ever noticed.

-No need to worry, it's good news. – Lexa smiled trying to ease her friend's face. – I was just pretending it was something bad, I wanted to see how you'd react. – Lexa actually laughed at Clarke, something that just made her get hit in the shoulder by Clarke.

-That's not funny! I really was worried something bad had happened. Don't do that! – Clarke was kind of smiling already too, although she was still a little mad at Lexa for playing with her emotions. – But are you going to tell me the news or not?

Lexa had completely forgot about what she wanted to tell her friend. She turned to the side once again, coming closer to her best friend, they were so close that their noses almost touched. When Lexa moved even closer to Clarke she was actually expecting for her to move away, but she didn't. Clarke just stood there, looking deep into Lexa's eyes, making her heart skip several beats.

-Ok... – Lexa tried to focus on what she wanted to say, which was being really hard with their faces so close. – So the good news is… I've finally chosen what course I'm gonna take…

-Really?! Oh my God! That's excellent news! What is it? What did you choose? – Clarke was thrilled. With all the excitement she ended up moving way, sitting up. She had the better response Lexa had got until then, and she hadn't even told what she had choose.

-Law… I've always liked helping people, and I really think I'll like this. I mean I'll get to defend people and all that, you know… Like being the voice for those who can't be heard and that kind of stuff. I can definitely get in, so I'm really happy with my choice. – Clarke was listening with the biggest smile on her face. The moment Lexa stopped talking, she threw herself at her, hugging her. Clarke threw herself so out of the blew that Lexa wasn't ready to catch her, which made her fall on her back. Lexa ended up with Clarke on top of her, both laying on the bed. _What a perfect way of holding her_. Lexa had her hands on Clarke's hips, but the moment she realized that, she moved them higher, to her back, hugging her really close. Lexa could hear Clarke's heartbeat, kind of fast too she noticed, probably due to the news Lexa had just told her, definitely due to that and not because they were on that position and really close to each other, because those were the reasons Lexa's heart was beating so fast, not Clarke's.

What began as a hug was now something different, because all the smiling and excitement was gone leaving only an awkward situation, that was Clarke being on top of Lexa with her faces so close that their noses actually touched this time. Lexa alternated her gaze between Clarke's eyes and lips. She felt this urge to kiss her, to taste those lips, but Clarke moved away, sliding from Lexa's top to her side, returning to the initial position that the two were at the beginning of the conversation. Although Clarke was not on top of Lexa anymore, they were still really close to each other and the tension was still there. Neither one of them was ready to return to the conversation, but they weren't ready to do nothing else more than just stare at each other. Lexa wanted to do something more, but Clarke was not gay or bi, she didn't see Lexa as nothing else more than her best friend. And Lexa knowing that, didn't want to ruin the greatest friendship she had ever had because she felt a _little_ attraction.

They kept staring at each other for an eternity of time, or at least that was what looked like, for Lexa. She was about to make the last move and kiss Clarke, when someone got home. Thanks to god someone got home, because horny little shit couldn't keep it in her pants and had been about to do the stupidest thing ever. The moment they heard the entrance door close, they moved away from each other. Lexa stood up and sat at the edge of the bed and Clarke also stood up and went to open the door of her room so that she could compliment whoever it was that had just get in the house.

-Clarke!

-Mom?! – Clarke's mom was at her bedroom door, and it was at that moment that Lexa realized how late it was, and she still had to go catch the bus to go home. Her father would bug her if she was late and Lexa definitely did not want to have to explain anything to him or listen to one of his "big talks", that were basically him saying that she was old enough to be smart about her future and that she should be studying, and the most famous one: "while you live under my roof you will do as I say!" – Mom, you know Lexa? We were studying and then we ended up talking… - Clarke was scared… She was afraid of what her mother would think of them… Lexa knew her friend well enough by now to see that. It actually made her mad, not with Clarke, but with her mother…

-Hi Mrs. Griffin, nice to see you… I'm actually late – Lexa looked at Clarke out of the corner of the eye, and with that look she said the goodbye she really wanted to say. – I have to catch the bus, and I have one in about 10 minutes so… I'll be living… Bye Clarke, I'll see you tomorrow. And once again, it was really nice to see you Mrs. Griffin.

-Bye Lexa… - Clarke's eyes said it all, all the words her lips were not able to say in that moment. The image of those blue eyes staring at her filled with guilt were going to haunt Lexa's dreams that night.

-Yes, it was nice to see you too Lexa… Have a save ride home. – Clarke's mother's voice was low and not welcoming at all, it almost seemed like she didn't want to see Lexa in her house ever again. I mean she hadn't done anything wrong! In that moment Lexa decided that Mrs. Griffin was going to like her no matter what _. I'm gonna make you love me…_ Lexa laughed at her own thoughts while she was leaving Clarke's house.

The moment she stepped out of the door she looked at her watch. _5 minutes!? Damn it! I'm gonna have to run…_ Lexa started running down the street and she thanked all the saints that she had had gym as her last class that day, so she was wearing her gym clothes and not her tight black jeans and her boots, with which would've been way harder to run.

She reached the bus stop just exactly when the bus was about to leave, and she even had to knock at the door so that the driver would let her in before leaving. She was out of breath and a little sweaty due to the heat that could be felt in that little town when they were about a month from summer. She hated that heat, it was suffocating. She sat down and during the 30 minutes that the ride home took, Lexa spent them thinking about the moment when Clarke was on top of her, Lexa could still feel the heat in those exact spots where Clarke's skin had touched hers. _Yup definitely just a little attraction…_


	2. Chapter 2

Already in her street, Lexa looked again at her watch. _It's 9pm…I'm fucked so I can always enjoy the view… He's gonna be mad at me no matter what._ It was not like she hadn't already crossed that street a thousand times before, but that particular day everything around her seemed brighter and way more beautiful. Probably because she had her mind filled with Clarke's eyes, and Clarke's smell, and Clarke's touch, and Clarke's everything… As she reached her house's door, she started hearing a very playful walk around, from someone who was definitely happy to see her back home.

-Hi Benji! At least I can always count on you to be thrilled to see me. – Benjamin was the loving family dog, a chocolate brown Labrador Retriever. Lexa's family had kind of saved him from a house in ruins, that one time they had gone for one of the very famous Woods' hikes. Lexa had fallen deeply in love for the puppy the moment she had laid eyes on him. The second she opened the door he jumped at her and gave her a kiss that she did not ask for, but never said no to, a kiss that left her right cheek soaked in drool. - Thank you very much Benji, how did you know that I was feeling like taking a shower?

Lexa walked the steps to the entrance as slowly as possible, trying to avoid the inevitable. She introduced the key in and swirled it, opening the door.

-Lexa! – And there it was… Her father's voice.

-Father?

-Do you have any idea what time is it? Do you?

-Well…Actually I-

-I tell you what time is it! It's LATE! You were supposed to be home 3h ago! Where the hell have you been?

-Fa-

-Your mother and I were worried sick. We called you like a thousand times and even left you messages. When I bought you that fancy phone of yours, it was with a purpose!

-I can-

-You better have a really good explanation for this!

-FATHER! – Lexa was screaming. She actually screamed at her father. She had never done that before. – I mean… Father, I can explain. – Mr. Woods was looking at her with astonishment and a slight glint of rage in his eyes. His older daughter was disrespecting him. – First of all, my phone died, so I couldn't receive any of your calls, and I'm really sorry about that, I promise that won't ever happen again. And second of all, I was at Clarke's house, we were studying… _We were sooo not studying, but I will never tell him the truth, I want to be alive tomorrow…_ And we lost track of time, I'm also very and deeply sorry for that, I'll do my best to not loose myself in my studies the next time. _Damn that was a good final touch there._

Titus Woods was left with his mouth slightly open and with sorrow and shame spread all over his face. Lexa had left him speechless.

-Honey you're finally home! Thank God you're ok. Are you hungry? Have you eaten anything? Come to the kitchen, we were still having dinner. Come join us. – Her mother always the peacemaker and her savior, came to the door and hugged her, kissing her nose, something she started doing when Lexa was little and that somehow was kept between them. – Titus, sweetheart, stop being so demanding, relax your face and come back to the table.

Lexa went to the bathroom to wash her hands and her face, and then went in the kitchen. Her brother and sister were already there, waiting for all the screams to stop, so they could go back to eating. Her mother had cooked lasagna, Anya's favorite. Her sister had a smirk in her face, and when they exchanged looks, she winked at her, keeping a look of approval. Aden was just quiet in his seat, looking under the table, at his phone, probably talking with his friends and not bothered at all with the events going around him.

-Nighty _sestra_. How did the "study" go? – Anya was trying not laugh and even made the air quotes when saying the word "study".

-It went well actually. I think I'm starting to get all that math stuff. – Lexa gave the finger to her sister, avoiding her parents' eyes. Then turning to smile at his father who was now seated quiet in his designated sit, at the head of the table.

\- I bet it did. You said you were at Clarke's house right? How's she going? – Anya had the biggest grin in her face.

-Anya, that's enough talking. We're at the table, eat your dinner. And Aden, no phones while we eat. – Father was talking again, apparently, and with his straight and neutral face back on. Anya winked once more at Lexa, as a promise that the conversation was not over, and then straightened in her seat. Aden did exactly the same, putting his phone back in his pocket.

Dinner went on with no more interruptions. That night was Aden's turn to clean the kitchen so he stayed behind, already with his headphones in his ears, getting ready to do it while giving his usually show, while the rest of the family moved to the living room. Lexa was still in her gym clothes and sweaty from the class and all the running, so she decided to go upstairs to take a shower.

-Mom… Father… I'll be going upstairs, I still need to take a shower and get my stuff ready for tomorrow.

-Maybe you might still have time to study something before going to bed. – Lexa looked at her father and then at her mother. _Please be kidding. Please help me mom._

-Your father is joking, obviously. You've already spent the entire afternoon studying, you deserve some relaxing time. Come join us once you're over with your shower. – Becca looked at Titus with a disapproval nod.

Lexa went upstairs, taking her stuff with her. The moment she got to her room, she closed the door and just literally fell into her bed, face down. She stayed frozen in bed, not even breathing, for a few seconds, preparing herself mentally to get back up again and being productive.

After those, magic and precious, few seconds of not breathing and not thinking, Lexa got up and started taking of her shirt and her shoes. She was only in her gym shorts and her sports' bra when her sister abruptly got in her room. _Why doesn't she knock?!_

-Sooo… Our little talk was interrupted. I thought I should come upstairs to finish it. – Lexa simply ignored her sister and went on gathering the stuff she needed for her most wanted shower. With her towel in her shoulder she went in her bathroom, closing the door, which was stopped by Anya's foot, while she followed Lexa in. – You're not getting away that easy this time _sestra._ I'll let you take your shower, cause you actually kind of stink, but I'm gonna be right here. – Lexa huffed and stared at her sister, narrowing her eyes. Anya was already settled in the toilet, as it was the most comfortable seat she had ever sat on. – Go on. It's not like I haven't seen you naked, like a thousand times before.

-You really do bug me sometimes, you know that? – It was a rhetorical question, but Anya still nodded and smiled, being happy and proud of her deeds. Lexa paused for a little bit, staring into her sister's eyes, trying to make her leave her alone, but nothing. – Fine… I give up. I'm too tired. If you wanna stay, and be a freak stalker who likes watching her sister getting naked and taking a shower, so be it. But just so you know, that's really weird. – Once more Lexa looked deep into her sister's eyes, but this time she ended up being successful.

-When you put it like that, it does sound disgusting… I'll be waiting for you in your room. – Anya left the bathroom, but not without saying something typically stupid as always. – Don't have too much fun in here without me. – And with this final remark she winked at Lexa and finally left the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Finally, alone, Lexa went along with getting rid of the rest of her clothes. It felt so good to be able to feel the slightly cold water in her sore muscles. Lexa lost track of time for the second time that day, while under the shower, with the water running through her face, eyes closed and her mind full. Even there, she could not get rid of her thoughts. Once again Clarke's beautiful cerulean eyes popped up in her mind, staring at her, filled with emotion, with words unspoken. Her mind went back to the afternoon and relived every single detail of her conversation with Clarke. While lost in her thoughts and with her mind full of sounds, she was not able to hear her sister pounding at the bathroom door and screaming for her, after being 20 minutes under the water. When she realized that someone was calling was a little late, to say the least. Anya came in, leaving the door wide open and to make it even better, opening the shower's curtains as well.

-Lexa! Why the hell are you taking so long? I think I remember telling you I would be waiting for you. – Lexa tried to cover herself as much as possible with her hands, but when that was not enough, she yanked the curtains from Anya's hands and covered herself with it.

-Anya!? What the hell? What's wrong with you? I'm gonna kill you! – Lexa was pissed. She stared at her sister and, if she had not been naked, she would've punched her right in the face.

-I know you're probably really mad at me, cause that's what your face is showing, but I just can't take you serious while you're naked. – Anya laughed at her, and after Lexa screaming at her and calling her every name possible and imaginable, she threw Lexa a towel. – Just calm down _sestra_ , and please cover yourself properly.

Lexa, still behind the curtains, dried herself really quick and then, finally, covered herself with the towel and left the shower. Anya was standing by the door frame, looking at her and still laughing hysterically. Lexa passed her and punched her in the shoulder, which made her sister lose balance and almost falling, which made her stop laughing and stare back at Lexa, but she never reciprocated the punch, too afraid that Lexa would actually get mad and hurt her for real. Instead, she followed Lexa back into her room and dropped herself in the bed. Lexa closed the door and went to pick her pajamas.

-Yes, please, follow me into my room and lay down in my bed, and also please stare at me once more, while I change. Don't you have nothing better to do?

-I do actually, but I sense that something happened this afternoon and you're gonna tell me all about it. I know you, you wouldn't just lose track of time. Unless…

-Unless, nothing. Nothing happened. We were talking, not studying, of course, and then her mother got home and I left. I lost track of time cause we were talking about what I want to major in, just that. – Lexa was still rolled in her towel, with her hair dripping wet, and patiently waiting for Anya to decide to leave her room. – So, now that I've told you what happened, can you, please, leave me alone? – Anya looked at her with an offended look in her face.

-Fine. Don't wanna tell what happened to your favorite sister? I'm totally fine with that. I'm offended that you don't want my precious company though. Just saying… - Anya got up from her bed, pushed her hair behind the shoulder in a very dramatically way, and finally, left Lexa's bedroom.

 _Finally, alone…God, what's the matter with that girl today?_

Lexa picked her new and clean pajamas, aka an old and large shirt and nothing else, cause all that heat would not let her wear shorts, only panties and sometimes not even a shirt. _Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just sleep naked… It would definitely be easier._

She got her bag ready with the books she would need for the next day, and decided to take the chance to go through her closet to choose the outfit for the next day too, even though she would probably change it the next morning. After getting everything ready, she realized that it was still too early to go to bed, so she had to go downstairs again to spend some "family time", like her mother used to call it. Lexa couldn't go with just panties, so she picked some random shorts and putted them on while starting to get out of her room.

Once downstairs she heard Aden singing in the kitchen, his favorite song, Wannabe from Spice Girls. Lexa decided to go check his brother little show before going in the living room. The kitchen door was closed, but it was a see through door. Aden had a spoon in his hand, pretending it was the mic, and was shouting the lyrics, while at same time jumping around and putting the dishes in the washing machine. With his headphones on, he was completely unaware of his surroundings and didn't even notice her sister was watching him with the biggest smile in her face. Lexa loved Aden, his little brother, always on her side, still too young to care about what other people thought of him, still so free. Anya was only a year younger than her and Lexa sometimes just hated her so much, but then, deep down Lexa loved her too, just in a different way. Aden finished the cleaning and took the headphones off, finally realizing that Lexa was there. He opened the door and closed the lights, getting ready to go join their parents in the living room.

-Hi. Did you enjoy my show today?

-Loved it. You're getting better at it every show. – Lexa ruffled her brother's hair and then threw an arm around his shoulders, guiding him to the living room.

Anya was also sitting in the sofa, but now not so happy, instead she was sulking and didn't even make eye contact with Lexa. Because the three of them were sitting in the sofa, Lexa and Aden decided to sit down on the floor in front of it. The Tv was on and their parents were watching the news.

-So, how was school today? Did you learn something new? – Her mother always made that same question every day, and always got the exact same answer, in unison from her three children.

-It was fine. – They all said, smiling at their mother.

The Tv newscast, after a few more news that had no interest to anyone, (cause who the hell cared if some football player had gone to some club somewhere and had decided to get drunk?), finally came to an end.

-Do you guys want to watch something or can I turn off the Tv? – They all exchanged looks, evaluating what her father's tone of voice meant. His face was neutral, which was not helping at all deciding if they could stay and watch a movie, or if it was time to do to bed.

-We could watch a movie… - Aden decided to take a shot and went for it. Lexa and Anya looked at each other and feared for their brother in silence.

-Have you studied anything today? Do you have all of your things ready for tomorrow?

-Yes, and yes. So, can we? -Titus looked at his son for a while. After what seemed like an eternity, he got up and gave him the remote. – Thanks father.

-I'm gonna do some calls, so please keep the volume down. – And with that Titus Woods disappeared into his office. Becca got up too, saying she was too tired to watch a movie and decided to go to bed earlier.

-Good night mom – They all said once again in unison. Becca Woods gave kisses to all her kids and went upstairs.

-I know you have the remote, but that does not mean you get to choose the movie, just so you know.

-Actually, it does, cause I was the one that had the guts to ask father for it.

-Lexa, please don't let him choose the movie. We're gonna end up watching some dumb movie with animals that talk. – Lexa looked at her sister and smiled. – Nooo. Damn it. You always take his side. It's not fair. – Anya was mad again, and that made Lexa slightly happier.

-Sorry _sestra_ , but I actually enjoy movies with animals that talk, they're quite entertaining. – Lexa looked at Aden, whom had the biggest smile, thrilled with the chance of choosing a movie.

They ended up watching Big Hero 6, and Anya actually tried to hide the tears that came to her eyes, which made both, Aden and Lexa, laugh. _Anya, always the tough one, crying in a kids' movie._

The movie finally came to an end and her father came out of the office.

-Have you look at the time kids? You should all be in bed by now. Let's go. All of you upstairs. Lexa? – Lexa watched her brother and sister go upstairs and turned around to face her father. – Have you walked the dog? – Lexa actually felt relief. She was afraid her father was going to bring back their little argument from before.

-No, father. But I can-

-There's no need. I'll go. You go upstairs and go to sleep.

-Yes father. Good night.

Lexa climbed the stairs three steps at a time and went into her bedroom. She took of her shorts and threw herself in bed. She felt exhausted. She turned off the lights and closed her eyes. Cerulean blue covered her mind. Lexa was so tired, that for once in a long time, she fell right asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Lexa's last class. The time seemed to go by, as slow as a slug. She kept looking at her phone, to watch the numbers pass by. _Just five more minutes…_ She was paying no attention at all, she didn't even know which class she was at. _I think it's something like chemistry..._ Lexa knew her teacher was talking, because she could see the lips moving, from the corner of her eye, but all her attention was torn between the door and her phone. She had scheduled meeting with Clarke after her class, but she also knew that Clarke would be waiting for her dad, and once he got there, she would have to go. They would only be able to see each other, if Lexa's class was to finish earlier. _Like now._

Lexa and Clarke hadn't seen each other since the afternoon at Clarke's house. _The afternoon._ They needed to be together again, to see each other in person again. They kept talking, in the phone, almost every night, and through messages during the entire day. _It has been two weeks._ Even the gym classes they were supposed to have together, didn't happen. During the first week, Clarke's teacher decided to take the class to a room, and they had theoretical classes. In the second week the board turned around, and Lexa's teacher did the same.

The school was quite big, and they had their classes in different sides of the school. The cafeteria was in the middle, and they, usually, would meet there and have lunch together, but those last two weeks, it seemed like the universe was against them, and so they had been always mismatched.

 _Just one more minute. Sixty seconds._

Lexa felt like she was in the second "High School Musical" movie, in the part where the entire class was doing the count down for summer. And just like that, she was counting the seconds for that class to finish.

-Lexa. – Lexa didn't even listen. – Lexa! – _40…39…38…_ \- Miss Woods! – _what?... Is someone calling for me?_ – Lexa Woods!

-Yes? – Mr. Forest was at the front, near the black board, staring at Lexa. He had the chaw stick in his hand and his look said it all, Lexa didn't even feel the need to ask what he wanted.

Augustus Forest, with narrowed eyes and his lips pressed shut, was waiting for Lexa to give him the right answer to the unfinished problem in the black board behind him.

Lexa took a look at the problem and quickly understood that she wasn't in a chemistry class. _Damn it, it's math. Thank God I studied this yesterday tho…_

-Miss Woods, would you like to give the right answer for this problem?

-Yes, of course. – Lexa looked at the problem once more. _It's the exact same problem I did last night!_ She solved it mentally. While she was doing all the math in her mind, the school's bell rang. Lexa froze for a moment and looked at the door. She wanted so much to get the hell out of that class and run to go see Clarke, but then she looked back to Mr. Forest.

-Miss Woods. The bell does not end this class, I do. – _God, I so want to shoot this guy!_

-I'm aware Mr. Forest. – Lexa muttered with all her anger building up.

-So, would you like to give me the answer? I'm sure you weren't lost.

-Not at all. The answer is, X=81. – Lexa never felt so proud and happy with herself. Mr. Forest was looking at Lexa still, but as his mind realized that the answer was correct, his face went from looking like a superior asshole, to gaining a complete perplex look. Like everyone in the room, he had probably noticed that Lexa was not there, at least her mind wasn't, and so, he thought that he could humiliate her. He completely forgot about the fact that Lexa was a really good student. – May I leave now?

\- Well, the answer is correct. – Augustus Woods regained his posture and tried to maintain his superior place in the class room. – And before you leave, for homework… – As the letter H left his mouth, Lexa could hear the entire class sighing and muttering all the things they wanted to call their teacher. – You can mutter all you want, you'll still have to do the exercises from page 134 to page 136. Also, I want this homework on my desk by the next class. No excuses! You may leave now. – The moment her teacher said "may", Lexa got up and left the class. She ran the entire corridor, bumping against a few people that got in her way. She reached the stairs and didn't stop for a second, jumping the 7 steps down, almost falling, then turning left to jump the other 6 steps, reaching the ground floor. She was now in front of the entrance door. She ran outside, just to see the blonde hair disappearing into a car.

\- Clarke! – She yelled, without even realizing she was doing it. She only stopped by the street, but the car was already moving. Clarke was leaving. Lexa sighed. _Damn you Mr. Forest!_ If her teacher hadn't kept them inside for that long after the bell. If maybe she had been able to run faster. If maybe Clarke's father had been a minute later. _To many "if's"._ Deep down she knew that the fact that they wouldn't been able to meet, once again, was not her fault, but it was slightly easier to blame herself then the universe.

\- Hey! – Lexa turned around to see Lincoln standing right behind her, looking at her with a questioning look. – You're ok? I think I never saw you run this fast, not even in gym classes. Were you able to meet Clarke? – Lexa looked down, to her feet. She felt like she was about to cry, from all the frustration and anger inside her. But she didn't cry, especially not in the middle of the street. Lexa took a deep breath and faced her friend, forcing a smile.

\- Hi. I'm fine, I guess… And to answer your question, no, I was not able to see her… But it's ok. I'll see her next week, for sure. The universe can't stay against us for that long, right? – Lexa smiled to his friend and laughed a little.

-You're right. I bet you'll see each other Monday morning, for sure. Also, loved Mr. Forest's face when you gave him the right answer. – Lincoln laughed while putting an arm around Lexa's shoulders and turning her to the bus stop. – What do you have planned for this weekend? Besides studying, cause I know you'll do a lot of that.

-And you're the one to talk. You'll be studying way more than I will, for sure. – Lexa was laughing by now. Lincoln always knew how to make her feel better. – I'll probably go for a run this Saturday, as usual. You know I like to run, especially after spending a lot of time sitting down. You can join me if you want, but you probably won't be able to keep up. – Lexa was smirking, she loved a good competition, and she also enjoyed messing up with Lincoln.

-Oh, it's so on! I'll see you Saturday sis. – Lincoln waved and turned, walking to his mother's car, that had just came to get him. – You sure you don't want a ride? – Lincoln lived really close to Lexa, like about 5 minutes from her. But that day Lexa was feeling like walking home.

-Yup, I'm fine. Thanks anyway. I'll see you Saturday, as I look behind me, cause I'll totally be kicking your ass! – Lexa waved back at Lincoln while seeing the car leave. Once she was left alone, she turned to her phone.

 **Lexa:**

Just left class. I'll be walking home. Can you please go get Aden?

Lexa pressed sent and started walking. She had her mind full, too full. Her mind was being too loud, so Lexa grabbed her iPod and headphones. As she was reaching for her back pocket, to retrieve her iPod, her phone buzzed, probably with an answer from her sister.

 ** _Sestra_** **Anya:**

Sure. Anything for my favorite _sestra_. Just don't forget that I made you this favor. I'll be recollecting it. Kisses :*

Lexa laughed at how obvious her sister's answer was and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She turned on the music and left the volume as high as her eardrums were able to aloud. She could feel her own thoughts being silenced by the beat of "Twenty One Pilots – Heathens". Lexa felt the need to be running, but once again, the universe was not on her side, and she was wearing her favorite black skinny jeans, with her Dr. Marten burgundy boots. The only pieces of clothing that were on her side, were probably her sports' bra and her grey shirt with the _Hogwarts University_ symbol on it. _I'm such a nerd… But I love this shirt._ Lexa decided to just keep a fast march. She would take about 45 minutes to get home, more or less. Sometimes she wondered why she would ever take the bus home, if she was to run home, she would get there faster than by bus. _Stupid itineraries._

She found herself wanting her house to be further way, as she was already in her street. _I need more time of inner peace, not ready to drown on my own thoughts again…_ Lexa opened the entrance door and was welcomed home with the familiar kiss from her dog and then, when already inside the house with a warm hug from her younger brother, who was really happy to finally see her, apparently. With all that, her mind and body fell into the routine that was her life at home, under the supervision of her father.

Clarke heard Lexa call for her the moment she set her feet inside her dad's car. She felt so guilty for not being able to turn around and run to her friend's arms, just to tell her that everything was okay. Lately their conversations had been too superficial. It was like they were apart, but yet still so close. Clarke was hating what that _stupid_ afternoon had done to their friendship. _Why didn't I move way? Why was I not able to move way?_ Those questions had been haunting Clarke's mind ever since.

-Clarke sweetie? Are you here? – Clarke's line of thoughts was interrupted. Her dad was looking at her with a worried look.

-Yes. Sorry. Just got lost thinking about everything I still have to study. – Lying to her dad was still harder than lying to her mother. She hated not being able to talk with her dad about everything, like she used to do when she was younger. But even if she could, she had no idea what to say. Everything in her mind was a mess.

-Well, right now I want no more thinking about studying. This is our night. – Once again her line of thoughts was interrupted. _Right, no more thinking… I think I can do that._ Clarke and her dad had this tradition, of having a dinner out once a week, since her mother would usually work the night shifts at the hospital. This week was Jake's turn of choosing the restaurant. – So this week is my turn, right?

-Yup. – Clarke was smiling, partially because she loved her dad's capability of making everything look simpler and easier, even the biggest problems in life, but mostly because Clarke knew exactly what he was going to choose for dinner. _He's so predictable._ They exchanged looks and Clarke's look said it all.

-What? I really do love Indian food! Guilty of all charges. – Jake even took his hands out of the wheel for a few seconds, to put them in the air as in a surrender.

-Dad! Hands in the wheel! – Clarke laughed with her dad, as he grabbed back the wheel, in a quick move. – You're so predictable. I knew from the moment you asked if it was your turn to pick, that you were going for Indian food. – Clarke came to enjoy Indian food as much as her dad, although she kind of hated it at the beginning.

-You always pick pizza or sushi, so who are you to call me predictable? – She made a hurt look and smiled. Clarke knew she was a lot like her dad in aspects of food, that is, they knew what they liked, so why trying different things?

-Ok, you have a point. – They fell silent for a while, their smiles fading. With the silence came the questions, and probably a different look in Clarke's face, a look that Jake could see it meant that her daughter had something bothering her.

-Clarke, you have that look again. Are you sure everything is ok? You know you can talk to me. – Clarke knew, and she really wanted to, she just didn't know how. _What am I supposed to tell him anyway? Look dad, I almost kissed my best friend, or she kissed me, not sure yet. And now I haven't been able to talk with her, and I feel like we are different. I don't even know why we almost kissed? Am I gay? Wait… Am I gay?_ Clarke hadn't considered that yet. It simply hadn't crossed her mind. _Wait, does that mean that Lexa is gay?_ Clarke was just now realizing really scary facts. _How the hell is this just crossing my mind now!?_ – Clarke? I feel like I lost you again. And you look scared. Clarke? – Clarke was lost in her mind, too lost to come back out of it. _Oh my God! Lexa must be freaking out! She definitely thought about this right after, and that's why she's being so weird. I'm so stupid! And I simply acted, like nothing happened… I'm such a good friend…_ And there it was, her really close friend, the sarcasm. She needed to text her friend. Jake shook Clarke out of her mind and back to real life, nudging her softly in the arm.

-Dad! Sorry. I just… I just realized that I'm the worst friend ever! – Clarke was screaming now, completely frustrated with herself, for taking so long to get there. – She must hate me! I completely ignored her! It didn't even cross my mind. I mean, it should've, right? Of course it should've. I'm so stupid. – She was rambling now.

-Hey! Clarke! Honey, stop. Breathe. You're rambling, I don't understand what you're talking about. – Her dad had stopped the car in the park in front of the restaurant, and was now holding Clarke's shoulders, turning her to face him. – What happened?

\- I… I – Clarke had no idea how to explain it to her dad, at least not without mentioning the sexuality doubting. – I did something… Well actually, it's more like something I didn't do, or even better, a way I should've acted, or reacted, to something that happened, but I didn't. Something that happened to Lexa. Something that happened two weeks ago! So, as you can see, two weeks is too much time! Time this, that I should've been acting in this certain way, the expected way, actually. How could I be so slow? I'm so stupid! – Clarke face palmed herself, leaving her head down, face in her hands, hiding the fact that she was really close to crying.

-Clarke? Pumpkin. – At that mentioning Clarke looked up at her dad. Jake hadn't called her that since she was about 6 years. Clarke didn't quite like it at the time, so her dad had stopped calling her that. But somehow, at that moment, at that name, Clarke felt calm, like if time had gone back to when she was 6, and there were no worries. _What a cliché, for me to feel like this._

-Dad, you know I don't like it when you call me that… - That nickname had a backstory, one that Clarke would appreciate if everyone would forget about it. She even wished she could herself forget about it. She had no idea why she had felt calm at that.

-I know, sorry… But it worked. I can see you calmed down a little. Can you now try to explain it to me, slower this time?

-You know what? It's nothing. I'll just forget about it for now. – _Like hell I am…_ \- I'll talk with Lexa to night. – Her dad went perplex, probably not quite believing in any word her daughter had just said.

-You're sure? You were just freaking out, not 2 seconds ago. If you want, you can call Lexa now. – Clarke really wanted to do that, but she had a feeling that that conversation would take all night, and she wasn't about to ruin her night out with her dad.

-I'll just send her a text. – Jake kept looking at Clarke with a questioning look. – It's ok dad. You know I always make a big deal out of things. – At that, her dad calmed a little bit and decided to let go.

-Ok. Then while you text Lexa, I'll go in and order. Say hi to Lexa from me. – Jake kissed Clarke's forehead and got out of the car, entering the restaurant.

 **Clarke:**

Hi Lexa. (This was my dad J He asked me to say hi from him). Sorry we didn't get to see each other once more L Also, I really need to talk to you, just realized something. I'm a terrible friend. Once I get out of dinner I'll call you. Maybe we can meet this weekend (fingers crossed J)

Clarke re-read the message at least 3 times, before pressing send. She stayed in the car, she knew Lexa would answer right away, her friend always answered back really quickly.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

Say hi to Mr. Griffin from me J. Don't apologize, it was not your fault. I really need to talk with you too. And you are definitely not a terrible friend. Maybe this weekend… Let's pray to the Gods J

Clarke felt slightly relieved after reading Lexa's message. After reading it for the third time, she finally got out of the car, joining her father in the restaurant. Although she still felt terrible for what she hadn't done, at least Lexa didn't think she was terrible. _I think she never will… Ok, now I'm just being too cocky._

Jake Griffin was sitting at a table near the window, he would always choose the table closer to the window, according to him, it had the best light, even if it was already pitch dark outside. Another thing her dad never did, was sit with his back facing the entrance, he said that people should always be ready, "turning your back at the entrance, would be like turning your back at the ocean, that is, something you should never do!"

The dinner went smoothly, with a lot of laughter and weird stories about the day to day of her dad's work. Jake Griffin was an engineer, an important one too, but it seemed like his coworkers did the most hilarious stuff, while they should be working. Clarke talked about the exams and her major, she also talked about her favorite thing to do, drawing. Clarke only shared her interest in arts with her dad and Lexa, her mother could never know, even if Clarke was to talk about it with her mother, she wouldn't be taken serious. Mrs. Griffin wanted her daughter to become a doctor, and for that to happen, Clarke could not be distracted with other stuff, like arts. Sometimes Clarke even wondered if she was going to major in health due to her mother, or if it was really something she wanted.

In the drive back home, Jake turned on the radio and they went along singing the 80's hits, that he enjoyed listening to so much. They got home and Clarke wished good night to her dad, she had to study, but more important she had to call Lexa.

Clarke entered her room and closed the door behind her, locking it. The moment she heard the Tv downstairs, she reached for her phone, to call Lexa. She laid in her bed facing the ceiling, the same ceiling still covered with stars that shined in the dark, because Clarke was afraid of it when she was younger, and this had been the solution her dad found. Now the stars didn't shine as much, but Clarke couldn't find in herself the will power to take them out. Lexa answered the phone after the second beep.

-Hey… - Lexa's voice sounded husky and low.

-Hey. Were you sleeping, or something? Your voice sounds raspy, like if you just woke up.

-No, but I was about to fall asleep on top of my book. You know how excited I feel while studying History. – Clarke laughed at that, Lexa always felt sleepy while studying History, something Clarke never quite understood. Lexa laughed with Clarke from the other way of the line. – So what was the thing you really needed to talk to me about?

-If I remember correctly, you said you needed to talk to me too. – Clarke was having a difficult time approaching the topic she wanted to talk with Lexa. It wasn't exactly an easy topic to talk about _. Hey, remember the afternoon we spent in my bed, not studying when we should've been? I'm pretty sure we almost kiss. Does that mean you like me? Are you gay?_ Clarke couldn't just ask that out of the blue. – Look… Lexa… I wanted to talk with you about the afternoon we-

-That's what I want to talk about too. – Lexa didn't left Clarke finish her sentence, something that Clarke thanked her for, in silence, because she had no idea how to finish it. – But I wanted to talk about it in person.

-Right. You're right, that would be the wisest thing to do. – Clarke was now dying inside. If Lexa wanted to talk in person, that could only mean that the subject was a sensitive one. _Is she coming out of the closet to me?! Wait, is she really gay?_ Clarke had had her doubts about Lexa. The truth was, although they were best friends, they only knew each other for 8 months. They had never discussed the subject of sexuality, at least not their sexuality. They used to try and guess if certain students, that passed by them in the corridors, where gay, it was kind of a game they played. Lexa was really good at that game, and normally was always really sure of her answer. Even Clarke had doubts about her own sexuality, and she had never said that to Lexa. She hadn't even lost more than 2 minutes thinking about it herself.

-Clarke? You still there? – She must've stayed silent in her own thoughts for way too long.

-Yes. Still here. So, about this weekend. Can we meet? I actually miss your ugly face. – Lexa was everything except for ugly, she was rather hot actually. Clarke could see the way the boys at their school looked at her friend, and a few girls too, now that she was thinking about it.

-I was planning on staying home studying, you know how my father is. I scheduled with Lincoln, to go for a run Saturday, after studying. I would invite you to join us, but I know that you hate running. Maybe we could meet after it. – Clarke really did hate running. She just couldn't find the purpose of it.

-And that would be around…?

-If it doesn't bother you meeting me all sweaty, it would be around seven. – Clarke had spent time with sweaty Lexa before, what bothered her was the fact that she was able to smell like vanilla, even like that.

-It seems ok with me, let me just talk with my parents. I'll text you later, or maybe tomorrow, I have no idea when my mother is getting home. – Clarke wouldn't mind staying up all night talking with her friend, but she really had to finish her homework and study for the exams.

-Ok. Then, I think this is a see you tomorrow. Have fun studying, I'll go back to not falling asleep on my books. – Lexa always had the ability of making Clarke laugh.

-You're such a nerd. Goodnight Lexa.

-Goodnight Clarke. – When the sound of a finished call came, Clarke threw her phone at the pillows in her bed and stayed for a while staring at the ceiling, not wanting to get up to study. Also, her mind was running wild with the little information she had got from Lexa. _Which was nothing._ She knew she wouldn't be able to focus on her studies before talking with Lexa, her thoughts wouldn't let her. _Does she like me? If she does, how do I feel about it? Do I like her back? Do I feel attracted to her? I know she's hot, but everyone with eyes that work, knows that. Am I gay? But I like guys. I know that. Don't I?_ Clarke was going crazy. She had dated a guy once, for like two months, she had liked him, she knew that. She also knew, that she thought some girls were hot, and made her feel hot inside. But it never had crossed her mind kissing a girl. _Only this one time, actually._ This one time Clarke had thought about kissing a girl. She didn't even know the girl's name. She and her friends were at a party from some guy Clarke didn't knew. She was slightly drunk at the time and resting against a wall. The music was playing, people were dancing and grinding on each other, the lights were creating a feeling of motion, making Clarke think that the room she was at, was actually moving at the beating of the song. While scanning all the people in the room, her eyes stopped at this girl. Tall, long brown hair, a lot like Lexa's, now that she remembered, her hips were saying, her eyes shut, feeling the beat in a careless way. Clarke stared at that girl for the entire song, she felt a need to kiss her, deep down in her own core. She had never felt that way. At the time she had blamed the alcohol, _but what if it wasn't that, but instead, just my sexuality? Is this how people find out about it?_

Clarke looked at her watch. _God! It's 11pm! Damn you thoughts!_ She ended up not studying at all. And knowing she was going to wake up early the next day, she decided to dress her pajamas and call it the night. While already under the covers and all cozy, Clarke closed her eyes and took her mind to the starry night she had looked at so many times before, she knew it would be the only way of silencing her mind. And without noticing, sleep came for her rather easily.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa jumped in her chair when her father knocked at her door. She was so focused in her homework, that she didn't even hear the steps from her father up the stairs. That was also, probably, because she had her headphones screaming classic music in her ears.

-Just came to let you know it's already 5pm. – Lexa just stared at her father with a questioning look. – I thought you wanted to go for a run before dinner.

-Right. Almost forgot about that. Thanks father. – _Who the hell am I kidding? How could I ever forget? I'm meeting Clarke after it._ – I'm just going to finish this exercise, and then I'll go get ready to leave. – Her father didn't say anything, he just nodded and left, closing the door again.

Lexa took 3 seconds to finish the math problem. She didn't even bother closing the books, getting up and starting to take off her pajamas. She opened the closet doors, grabbing one of her sports bra. After putting it on, she dressed a pair of black running leggings. She then looked at the mirror in one of the closet's doors. _Should I just put a top over the bra, or a shirt?_ She looked outside, focusing on the sun. _Too hot, I'll just put a top._ When already fully dressed, Lexa started braiding her hair. She was finishing her second braid, when her sister decided to burst into her room.

-What's up nerd? – Anya looked at what Lexa was doing and pouted. – You're braiding your hair and didn't tell me? You know I love to do that. Mine is always way harder to braid… - Anya's pouting just intensified.

-Sorry, I was kind of in a hurry. Still am. You can come and do the rest if you want. – Anya went all excited, running toward Lexa, starting to braid her hair. When it was all done, Lexa tied it up.

-I never understand why you tie your hair up after braiding it. The braids lose the entire purpose.

-I just like it this way. Also, it's better for running, it doesn't go in my face.

-If you say so… - Anya got out and went down stairs. _Why did she come in my room anyway? Did she sense I was braiding my hair?_ Lexa was reaching for her phone to get out of her room, when she heard Anya running back upstairs, bursting into her room, once again. – Almost forgot. – Anya smirked at Lexa with a mischievous look. – Say hi to Clarke from me. – Her sister didn't even wait for a reaction from Lexa, turning away once again, going downstairs. Lexa just stayed in her place seeing her sister disappear. _What's wrong with this girl?_ After a few seconds being frozen in her place, Lexa went downstairs, getting ready to start her run. _Finally!_ She just had to wait for Lincoln, who was never late, so should be about to get there. Lexa looked at her phone, that was now in her holder that she used for running, in her arm. _Just two mo-_

-Lexa! Lincoln is outside. – Her mother was in the kitchen, and had probably seen her friend through the window.

-Thanks mom! See you guys later! – And with that Lexa got out of the house. – Bye Benji. I can't take you with me this time, sorry. – As he could understand what Lexa was telling him, Benjamin sat down, doing some kind of pout. – Hi Linc. – She said, while closing the door behind her.

-Hi Lex. – Lincoln looked at Lexa up and down. – If you can go dressed like that, I should go shirtless. – He laughed and nudged Lexa in the arm. – You meeting Clarke or something? – Lexa hadn't yet told her friend about it.

-Actually…

-You are? Really? That's great! – Lincoln hugged Lexa, lifting her up.

-Linc! Put me down! – Lexa never quite enjoyed being lifted up. She was ok with hugs though.

-Sorry sis. – Lincoln had already put Lexa down, and was now with his left hand behind his head, rubbing his neck, with a sorrowful look. – Just really happy that I won't have to look at your sad face no more.

-I wasn't sad. I was just, frustrated… - She had been kind of sad, but she would never admit it to anyone. _I've been definitely way more frustrated then sad!_ – So? Are you ready to have your ass kicked?! – And with that, Lexa started running. Lincoln stayed for a few seconds perplex, without moving, seeing her friend leave.

-Hey! That's not fair! – Lincoln whined, but then started running, catching Lexa pretty easily. – Told you I would be the one kicking your ass. – Lincoln had a proud smile in his face. Lexa didn't answer him, instead she decided to pick up her pace.

They ran the usual 6 miles course, maintaining the same pace. It took them about 40 minutes, which was a really great time. They didn't talk that much while running, it could mess up their breathing, but they enjoyed each other's presence. Lexa loved running. It was the only time her mind would go completely blank. No thoughts, something really hard to achieve, especially in the last days.

They were getting closer to Lexa's home, when they crossed the children's park, near her house. As they reached the park, Lexa's eyes crossed the wilderness surrounding her, something she always did, but never knew why. Her eyes stopped the exact moment blonde hair appeared in her field of vision. And as her eyes stopped, so did her body, freezing in place. _It's Clarke._ Clarke was sitting in one of the swings, backs turned to them. The park was empty, at that time the kids would all be at home, getting ready for dinner. Lincoln stopped a little further, not noticing that Clarke was there.

-Why did you… - He didn't get to finish his question, because his eyes followed Lexa's, finally seeing Clarke. – Oh… Right, Clarke is there. – Lexa was so focused on Clarke, that she had stopped listening to what Lincoln was mumbling about. – So, this means our run is over. I'll see you tomorrow Lex. – He nudged Lexa, making her look at him with a sheepish look.

-Right. I'll see you tomorrow. Sorry. – Lexa was slightly embarrassed.

-I enjoyed the run. Just so you know, I totally won. – Her friend was continuing his run back home, not giving a chance for Lexa to contradict about the winning.

When Lincoln was out of sight, Lexa looked back at Clarke. She was still there, sitting and slowly swinging back and forth, probably completely unware of her surroundings, due to the music coming from her headphones. Lexa took a few breaths, deep breaths. _It's not a big deal. You're gay. You've known that for two years now. She'll still want to be your friend. Why wouldn't she?_ Lexa jumped the fence surrounding the park, and walked to Clarke.

Clarke had left her house way to early, she knew that, but she just couldn't concentrate in her homework, not when in her mind, different questions, she had no answer for, just kept popping up. She had scheduled meeting with Lexa at the children's park, around 6pm. That park was the place they would always meet. It was further from Clarke's house, something she appreciated a lot, and closer to Lexa's, something her friend's father would agree on. They had had amazing moments in that park, and also not so good ones. In 8 months of friendship, they had gone through so much. Lexa had showed Clarke the park, saying it was the place she would go to, to get some distance from her father. The park had a tree, one with a really large trunk, that sometimes they would climb, when the park was too crowded with kids. Clarke got to the park at 5:45pm. There were still four kids playing around, so Clarke just stayed inside her car, in the parking in front of the park, waiting for them to decide to go home. It took the kids more 10 minutes to leave. Clarke got out of the car, got her headphones on and went to sit down on the swing. Even with the loud music, her thoughts could still come through, screaming louder. _Is Lexa gay? She must be. Am I? I can't be… I could be bisexual. Maybe I'm just attracted to some girls. Like that girl on the dance floor, and… Lexa? Am I attracted to Lexa?_ All the thinking was just making her even more frustrated. _Argh! Why does this have to be so damn hard?! Why can't I just be sure?_ Clarke was so distracted in her demanding thoughts, that she didn't see Lexa approaching her, until a hand and was on her shoulder, making her jump from the swing.

-Aahh!

-Whoa…Hey, Clarke! Is just me. – Lexa had to dodge a few punches, ending up by grabbing both Clarke's hands, in just one perfectly coordinated move. – Slow there _strik gona_.

-What? – _What did she just call me?_

-Sorry, I meant, little warrior. – Lexa laughed at Clarke, still holding both her fists.

-Not funny… You scared the hell out of me. – Clarke pulled her hands back, her heart still beating way too fast due to the scare. When she finally composed herself, her eyes scanned the, sort of breath taking view, that was in front of her. Lexa was all sweaty, making her look shiny, and even more attractive. _How is that even possible?_ Her toned stomach was showing. _Is she wearing just a bra? What the hell?! And why are her abs like that? It just makes me want to touch them…_ Her hair was braided in a way that only Lexa did it, and her eyes… Her eyes were so green. Her eyes looked like emerald stones piercing her soul, like she was reading her thoughts. _I must be gay… No one stares at their best friend for so long…_ After this few seconds, that in Clarke's mind felt like hours, Clarke finally said something. – I like your enormous shirt. It covers everything… - Lexa looked at Clarke and laughed, knowing her sarcasm by heart.

-It's a top. I have a sports bra under this. I didn't feel like sweating more, something that would've happened, if I had brought a shirt.

-Right… - Clarke was once again looking at her friends' abs. _I wish mine looked like this… Did I really just think that? What is wrong with me?_ – So… maybe we should start the talking… You know... – Lexa smiled at Clarke, which helped her calming down.

-Yes, I know. Want to go sit in the tree? – Lexa loved climbing the old tree. Clarke would prefer to sit on the swings, with her feet closer to the ground, but she loved the look on her friend's face, when they were on the tree branch.

-Sure. But you know I'll need your help to get up there. – Clarke, not being as athletic as Lexa, and not enjoying the heights as much, would normally have a few troubles climbing the tree.

-Of course. It will be my pleasure to help you _milady._ – Lexa bowed, letting Clarke go first. Clarke laughed at the theatricality. They left the park, going through the fence's door.

-And, by the way, this door is here for a reason. You were not supposed to jump the fence. – _Lexa, always the flying monkey._

They reached the tree, and Lexa helped Clarke reaching for the lower and larger branch, offering her hands as a kind of step, propelling her up. Once she was sitting in the branch, Lexa stepped back a little, gaining enough power to jump and grab the branch, pulling herself up. Clarke just stayed there, once more, seeing Lexa's muscles, this time in action. She noticed that her friend's biceps were as toned as her abs. _Why am I staring? Stop staring! She'll notice._

-Hi. – Lexa smiled and stared at Clarke, looking her in the eyes, as she was getting ready for the talk.

-Hi. – Clarke answered, looking back into Lexa's eyes. _And here it goes._

-So… We should talk about that afternoon, right?

-Right. – Since Lexa had decided to start, Clarke wouldn't stop her.

-I think I should tell you something. It has nothing to do with the afternoon, at least not directly. It's something about myself… - Lexa was slowing down, taking longer to say each word. Clarke could feel her jitters. – Lincoln knows this, but we've known each other since we were kids, so… He's like my brother. My mom knows too, and so does my sister and brother. I haven't told my father yet, but you know how my relationship with him works.

-Lexa. – Clarke felt the need to reassure her friend that it was ok. – You can tell me. Whatever it is, everything will be ok.

-I know… It's just, even knowing I did this already, more than once, it's still hard. I just can't quite explain it. – Lexa took a deep breath. – Ok, here I go. I'm gay. – Although Lexa said it without breathing and without separating the words, Clarke was able to understand it perfectly. They just stayed in silence, looking at each other's eyes. Forest meeting the deep ocean. Clarke felt nothing different about her best friend. She was still her best friend, who she cared for, very much. – I'm gay. I like girls.

-I got that part. – Clarke laughed. _She's such a nerd. A gay nerd. My gay nerd. I mean, my gay best friend, who is a nerd. Not like, mine. Lexa's not mine. She doesn't belong to me. I'm going crazy._ Although her mind was going crazy, Clarke couldn't stop feeling immensely proud for her friend. – So now that you've come clean to me, how do you feel?

-Lighter. So much lighter. I feel like I could fly. – Lexa had the most genuine smile in her face. She looked like a child, whom their parents had agreed to give ice cream before dinner. Clarke was not able to control herself, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck, hugging her.

-I'm so proud of you. – Lexa hugged her back, wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist. Clarke could smell the vanilla sent, that came from Lexa's skin. She loved that smell. _But not in a sexual way! She just smells good._

-Thanks… Now, I don't even know why I was so nervous about telling it to you.

-You know that I'll love you no matter what. You're my best friend. – Clarke was so happy for Lexa, that she had almost forgot about the almost kiss, that had happened in her bed.

-Right… Me too. – Lexa made a weird face, but then smiled again, so Clarke didn't over think it. They stayed in silence for a few more minutes, just appreciating each other's company.

-I missed you. – Clarke said those three words without even noticing. She was thinking about it, and just let her thoughts come out. It was the truth. She missed Lexa. _We've only been two weeks apart. How are we gonna do when we go to college? The capital is way bigger, and we're gonna be way busier._ And there she was, over thinking again.

-Clarke… I missed you too. – When she heard Lexa saying the same words back, her mind went silent. – I would stay in this tree with you, just talking, but it's getting late. – Lexa was now pouting. Well, not exactly pouting. Any other person, who would look at her friend's face, would only see a really neutral expression, a tough one even, but Clarke could see under that mask. Lexa's eyes would tell a completely different story from her face, and Clarke could always read that story, it was a real story, and not the fake one other people saw.

-I know… I have to go home too. My mom must be wondering where I am. – She hadn't quite told her mother the truth. _She doesn't need to know._ Clarke rarely told the truth to her mother, at least not the entire truth. She had only said she was coming to wind down for a little bit. She never once, pronounced Lexa's name, or she probably wouldn't be there right now.

-Can we just promise something to each other? – Clarke was confused. What was Lexa talking about?

-Sure, anything.

-We have to promise each other that, no matter what, we will always come back to each other. – She was about to answer Lexa, but her friend kept talking. – I mean, like, no matter what. I know that this might sound completely out of the blue, but I just can't lose you. You're my best friend. These last two weeks were driving me crazy! I know I must sound really clingy, but I just missed talking with you, for real, because although we kept talking, I just felt like we were apart. – Clarke wanted to interrupt Lexa, to tell her she had felt the same way the last two weeks, but her friend was kind of having a moment, and she didn't feel like stopping that. – I just don't want to feel like I lost you, ever again.

-You didn't! You'll never lose me! – At those words, Clarke had to interrupt her friend. _I had no idea she had felt this way…_ \- I'm sorry if I made you feel that way… I don't want to lose you either… And, I promise. No matter what, I'll always come back to you. – Lexa extended her hand to Clarke, as to seal their promise. Clarke looked down, at her friend's hand, but then looked back up, at the green eyes, that were staring back at her. She just threw herself, once more, at her friend. _I think a hug is a better way to seal this promise._ Before pulling away from the hug, Clarke kissed Lexa's cheek. Her lips touched Lexa's sharp cheekbones, her soft skin. Clarke felt a sparkle go down her body, igniting her core, making her feel warm inside, making her heart skip a beat. She pulled way, too scared of that feeling. They stayed staring at each other for a while. The atmosphere around them was, once more, electrified, just like it had been in Clarke's room. They were too close. – So… I'll see you Monday? – Clarke pulled away, jumping down. She was starting to feel like she couldn't breathe. Lexa took a few seconds to leave the state she was at, jumping down too.

-Yes, Monday. At lunch, right? – And just like that, with a simple smile from her best friend, everything was okay.

-Exactly. At lunch. – Clarke smiled back at Lexa. Before turning around, to go to her car, Clarke gave Lexa a quick hug. – I'm really happy you finally felt like you could share that with me. It just made me love you more. – She went inside her car, closing the door, but opening the window. Lexa stayed there, watching her leave. _I think this went ok. Actually, I think it went perfect._ She knew that, at night, her mind would go crazy again, over analyzing all the new information, but for now, she was just happy for her Lexa.

The time went by, Clarke and Lexa finally went back to their dynamic, having lunch together, and meeting after classes whenever they could. The last month of school went by so fast, that Lexa found herself wanting time to go slower. The two weeks after the ending of classes, and before exams, went by even faster. They spent the entire time studying, and then studying a bit more. When the exams finally came, Lexa just wanted them to be over.

Friday finally came and with it, Lexa's last exam. _The 7 head's monster. The big math exam._ She stayed inside a classroom for two hours, even wanting to get out of it, after the first minute. The exam went well, she answered all the questions, and only doubted two of her final answers. The moment she set foot outside of school, all she wanted to do was scream. _It's over. High School is over! I've never been so happy! Now let's celebrate! No more studying! At least for three months…_ Clarke and Lincoln, that had stayed in different classrooms, were already outside, waiting for Lexa, they had the exact same smile she had, both also thrilled that High School was finally over.

-AAAHHHHH! – Clarke was screaming, arms opened, face up, screaming at the sky. Lexa and Lincoln looked at Clarke, and then at each other.

-AAAHHHH! – They were now, the three of them, screaming at the top of their lungs. People would pass by them and laugh, or whistle and clap in approval.

-That felt so good! I wanted to do that, as soon as I left the exam. – Lexa was feeling excited and exhausted at the same time. She hadn't had a perfect night of sleep in two months. But for now, all she wanted to do was celebrate.

-Are you guys ready? – They had decided to go hang out at Clarke's house, because it would be empty until late. Clarke had become friends with Lincoln, in association with Lexa, since they were pretty much always together. – My house must be empty by now.

-I was born ready. – Lincoln was jumping in his place, as an athlete ready for the race to begin.

-You were born ready to drink? – Lexa flicked Lincoln in the head. – Since when did you become a drunk?

-Look, just because you never drink, that doesn't mean other people don't either. I like the casual drink, here and there. – Lincoln changed his pose, trying to look straighter and more grown up. Lexa and Clarke just laughed. – What? I was being serious.

-Yes, of course you were. Come on you. – Lexa pulled Lincoln with her, walking to Clarke's house. Her friend's house was close to the school, only about 10 minutes.

-Who brought the alcohol though? I have a few vodkas at my place, but my parents will notice if they disappear. – Lexa was having trouble realizing, that they were about to get drunk at Clarke's house. She wasn't sure she wanted to be drunk around Clarke.

-I brought one, and Lincoln brought another one, I think.

-I brought two actually. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to bring anything.

-Really?! You know we're just three people drinking, right? The idea is to have fun, not to enter into an alcoholic coma. – Lexa was starting to regret getting inside that house. _This afternoon is definitely being marked in history._

-Relax sis. We don't have to drink the three bottles. Everything will be just fine.

-We're here! – Clarke was opening the door of the building. She walked in, and Lincoln followed her. Lexa looked up at the top of the building. The last time she had been inside Clarke's house, they had almost kiss. And this time they were going to be drunk. Lexa walked in, closing the door behind her. _This is so not gonna be a great afternoon…_


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa was sitting in Clarke's sofa, in a rather clean and organized living room, it seemed copied from one of those furniture's catalogs. Lincoln was in the kitchen mixing the drinks, somehow, her friend was good at it. Clarke was crouching in front of her computer, that was placed on the floor, in front of the Tv, choosing the music for the day. Lexa was given the task of ordering the pizzas for lunch. She was now waiting to be answered. Everyone had a task, and they were doing it. The pizza guy finally answered and Lexa ordered the two medium pizzas. Music finally started playing, "Dj Snake – Middle". Lincoln finally joined them in the living room, with two bottles, that once had been filled with juice, now filled with vodka and something Lexa was about to find out. It was all settled.

-So who's gonna have the first drink? – Lincoln had a big smile in his face, a proud smile. – Lexa?

-Of course you were going to say my name… - Lexa was about to drink for the first time, at 11.30 in the morning. – What exactly did you put in there?

-Nothing much, just black vodka with coke in one, and vodka with orange juice. They're both really sweet, so don't be fooled by it, they're still pretty alcoholic.

-Ok. – Lexa was earning the courage and the spirit to start drinking. – I'll start with the one with orange juice.

-I want the one with the coke. – Clarke was all excited. Both Clarke and Lincoln were, and Lexa was trying to understand why.

Lincoln poured the drinks in two plastic cups and gave them to Lexa and Clarke, he then poured himself a glass of the one with the coke too.

-What are we drinking to? – Lexa was confused now. _I thought we were drinking to celebrate the end of High School…_

-Let's drink to the start of the best summer ever! – Clarke clinked her cup with Lincoln's and Lexa's and then drank the entire content of her cup. She then looked back at them. – Wowooo! Come on guys! You have to drink the first cup in just one gulp.

Lexa looked at Lincoln, and then drank the entire content of her cup as well. As soon as the drink hit her stomach, Lexa felt warmer inside. The vodka burned wherever it touched, but the orange juice left a sweet taste behind. _This wasn't that bad._ Lincoln filled the cups again.

-We have to play a game. There's no point in just drinking. – Clarke had a point. Lexa was definitely not about to just bottom down another cup.

-You have any ideas?

-I do. I mean, we all know the "Never Have I Ever" or the "Truth or Dare". I know a few other games, but we could start with one of this two, just to warm up. – _Warm up? What is that supposed to mean?!_ Lexa had never met that side of Clarke, and she wasn't sure what to think, yet.

-We can start with the "Never Have I Ever". The Dares are way funnier if we're already slightly drunk. – Lincoln smiled with a mischievous look in his eyes. _What is he planning?_

-You two are scaring me with all this drinking talk.

They were about to start the game, when the doorbell rang.

-Pizza! – Clarke loved pizza. Lexa had never seen someone so in love with a food. She got up, running to the door. – I'll get it! – Clarke opened the outside door, and then stayed glued to the door, peaking outside, to see the deliver guy arriving her floor. Lexa laughed at the sight of her friend acting like a 5 years old. The delivery guy finally reached their floor. Clarke payed the guy, and once she closed the door, that was when she went crazy. Smelling the pizza and jumping around super excited. – I love pizza!

-We can see that. I think I've never seen you this happy.

-I'm always like this every time I eat pizza.

The first pizza disappeared at the blink of an eye, they hadn't realized how hungry they were. Lexa only ate two slices, something she would regret later. The first bottle was over with the pizzas. Lexa was starting to feel different. Warmer, definitely, but fuzzier. Her mind was starting to slow down, as were her movements.

-Never have I ever, made out with someone. – Lincoln had decided to start the game without telling.

-When you say making out, just a kiss doesn't count right? – Lexa looked at Clarke, now she wanted to know who Clarke had kissed.

-You know what making out means. And if you have done it, you have to drink. – Lincoln looked at Lexa. – Lex, what are you waiting for? You have to drink. – Lexa could see Clarke staring at her with a questioning look. They hadn't quite get into that kind of talk. But she didn't feel like having it now.

-Thanks Linc, for ratting me out.

-I'm here to get you drunk. – Lincoln was smirking at her. Lexa took a sip of her drink. _This is so not going to end well…_

-Never have I ever, skinny dipped. – Clarke was looking around the small circle made by the three friends, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, trying to see if anyone had done it.

-I hate you guys. This shouldn't count. It was with my family, and I was like 14 or something. – Lexa's father had a boat, and every summer they would spent a few nights camping on a beach somewhere. At night the beach would be deserted, and sometimes, when they were younger, they would go for the last dive of the day, completely naked.

-We don't care, it counts. Drink! – They were teaming against her, and she wasn't sure why. She only knew that it wasn't good at all. She was sure that, by now, she was the drunkest one in the room, _and the afternoon just started…_

-My turn now! Never have I ever, watched porn. – Lexa knew Lincoln had done it, she had once caught him watching it. She stared at Lincoln with a vindictive look. He took a sip. Lexa was so focused on making her friend drink, that she almost didn't notice Clarke also taking a sip of her drink. When she did, she couldn't hide the astonishment in her face.

-I wanted to know why guys liked it so much! Don't judge! It's awful any way, and so fake. I really don't get it why that turns you guys on.

-Hey, don't look at me like that. I don't like it either. Lexa caught me in my first time seeing it. – Lincoln had become slightly red, from embarrassment. – Ok, let's keep this game going. Never have I ever, caught my parents doing it. – Lincoln looked around, but no one took a sip. – It's good to know that neither one of us has to live with that image. – They all laughed, agreeing with him.

-Never have I ever, kissed a stranger. – Lincoln took a sip, remembering something that he was not happy to remember. Clarke and Lexa looked at him with a questioning look, so he felt like he should explain.

-This one night, a random girl, who was wasted, for sure, jumped out of the blue and kissed me. I pulled her away from me and she just disappeared. It was a weird night.

-You had never told me that. – Lexa was hurt that her best friend, hadn't told her something as unusual as that.

-I was so perplexed by it, that for the first seconds, I just thought it hadn't happened. But then my friends were all laughing, so I had to believe it had happened. I wasn't exactly proud of it. I just wanted to forget about it. – Lincoln took a big gulp, finishing his drink. He really wasn't happy about that moment of his life.

-Moving on to happier moments. Never have I ever, had an orgasm. – Clarke had intercept Lexa's turn, probably sensing they were losing the party spirit. At what she said, both Lincoln and Lexa took a sip, like it was just something so obvious. But Clarke didn't. Lexa stared at her friend.

-You've never had an orgasm?! – Lincoln had completely forgot about his kissing girl, and had spoken before Lexa could.

-Not really… I don't think so… - Clarke was lowering her voice, and looking at her cup in her hands.

-Believe me, if you had, you would know. – Lincoln wouldn't let Lexa talk. – Right Lexa? – Lexa was so focused on Clarke, that she was not expecting Lincoln to give her talking rights.

-Right. – Before she could stop it, her mind went crazy. _I would make her come so easily… What?! Stop! Why did that just cross my mind? That was just so wrong!_ Alcohol was making his way in her mind, and she was not enjoying it at all. – But that's nothing to be embarrassed about, you're just 18. You have time. Right Lincoln? – Lexa hit her friend in the arm, making him look at Clarke, who was still looking down.

-Ouch! What? Yeah… You still have time… - Lincoln was massaging his arm where Lexa had hit him, with a hurt look on his face.

-Let's play another game. You said you knew more games. – Lexa was trying to cheer up Clarke. She reached for her chin and lifted her head up, making Clarke look her in the eyes. They looked at each other for a few moments. Clarke's eyes were so blue, that Lexa felt like she was looking at the sky. Her mind was lost in those eyes, and if it wasn't for Clarke moving way, standing up, Lexa wasn't so sure, if she could say she wasn't going to do anything. The alcohol was taking away her control over her body too.

-Yes. I know more games. I'll just go grab a deck of cards. – Clarke got out of the living room, leaving Lexa frozen in her spot on the floor.

-I don't know what you're doing, or trying to do, but I don't believe your sober self would appreciate that that much. – Lincoln stood up too, taking the two empty bottles with him to the kitchen, to refilled them.

Lexa was left alone on the floor. _What the hell am I doing? I knew this afternoon was not going to be fun… I have to keep myself together! I'm going to scare her away! And just because I'm slightly attracted to her?! She's my best friend! I have to stop drinking._ Lexa's line of thoughts was interrupted, when Clarke appeared in her field of vision. Her friend had a smile back on her face. Lexa's eyes started driving down. Clarke was wearing a dark blue tank top, _that looks so good on her…_ And denim shorts, _that makes possible for me to look at her bare and long legs…_ Lexa was gawking her best friend. She was seconds away from drooling like a retarded person. _STOP IT!_ She blinked away, and without even being aware, she was gulping down the content of her cup. Lincoln returned with the same two bottles, with the same two drinks inside.

-The first bottle of vodka is over. Ready to start the second one?!

-Hell yes! – Clarke was happy again, and super excited for the next game.

They played ring of fire, Clarke's game, which make Lexa get even more drunk and both her friends too. They were dancing and jumping around, laughing of every stupid thing anyone did. Every time a slower song came on, Clarke would reach for Lexa, and they would dance really close together, meanwhile Lincoln would grab a broom and dance with it, making the girls laugh so hard, they would end up on the floor gasping for air. When already really drunk, Lincoln decided it was the perfect timing to play "Truth or Dare". The truths were soon forgotten, and they ended up doing the weirdest stuff they could think of. Lincoln danced the Macarena alone, while Clarke filmed him, posting it on Instagram. Clarke had to go out on the balcony and scream as loud as she could: "My nipples are hard!". Lexa had to perform a fight with an invisible sword, and make the sound effects, even drunk her movements were still coordinated and perfect. A lot of other stuff were done, stuff they would probably not remember the next day. Around 5pm, Lincoln decided it was time to do shots, that soon became body shots.

-Come on! I've never done one. We should try it. To learn or something. I don't want to make myself look stupid in college. – Lincoln was trying to convince both the girls to do it, something that didn't took him much time. They were so drunk, that they would agree on doing a lot of stuff. – I'll do one on Lexa, she can do it on you, Clarke, and then you do it on me. – They all agreed with it. – Lexa, you go first! I want to see one first.

-Of course I would be the first… - Lexa was slurring her words a little by now, but her posture was kept straight, or at least she thought so. She looked at Clarke, asking for permission. Clarke was already laying on the sofa. She had a giddy smile on her face and was all excited for it. Lexa grabbed the tequila bottle, that Lincoln had made appear in the table a few minutes before, and poured a little on a shot glass. She then bent down, approaching Clarke's neck. She licked her neck, from the collarbone to that soft spot right under the ear, tracing an invisible path. Clarke trembled under Lexa, making her stop and look her in the eyes, once more asking for permission, without even talking.

-It's ok, you can go on. – And she did, putting salt on the invisible path she had traced before. She then grabbed a slice of lime, that Lincoln had cut and left next to the tequila, and gave it to Clarke, putting it in her mouth. Her finger touched Clarke's lip for a moment and Lexa felt like electricity had travelled, from the point of her finger to her core, making her feel things, but not in her stomach, just a little bit lower. The body shot was settled.

Lexa looked Clarke in the eyes once more, but this time she was not asking for permission. Lust and attraction had taken over her. She lowered down on Clarke, taking her lips closer to Clarke's neck. She stayed there for a moment, just breathing. Clarke's smell and the fact that alcohol was pretty much controlling her thoughts and actions, was driving her crazy. Her lips brushed Clarke's skin, making once again, a current of electricity travel through her body until right between her legs, joining the previous one. She then licked from Clarke's collarbone to her ear, biting the earlobe, and sucking on it afterwards. She drank the shot of tequila that she was still holding in her hand, and once again lowered on Clarke, taking the slice of lime from Clarke's mouth, with her own teeth. Their lips skimmed so lightly, but the touch was still enough to make Clarke moan, which almost made Lexa lose the strength on her arms, almost falling on top of her friend. With the lime still on her mouth, leaving her lips with a sour taste, Lexa started pulling way, to get up. Clarke had apparently, when Lexa was taking the lime from her mouth, taken her arms up, wrapping them around Lexa's neck. Even if she wanted to get up, Clarke's arms wouldn't let her. After realizing her friend wouldn't let her get up, she looked Clarke in the eyes. She had never seen them so dark. Clarke was fixated on Lexa's lips, not looking away. Lexa took that as a sign, and getting rid of the lime, she lowered back again, pressing her lips with Clarke's. The first touch was light and questioning, Lexa was still not aware of what was happening. But as soon as the soft and tender lips of her friend touched hers, her mind went dark and her body acted alone. Her lips started moving, her eyes closing. Just a few seconds in, _something is wrong…_ Clarke was frozen. She was not moving. Lexa wasn't sure if her friend was even breathing. She stopped and step away from Clarke, standing in front of the sofa, where Clarke was still laying.

-I'm… I'm really sorry. I just thought… You were holding me down… I just thought you… I'm so sorry. – Lexa couldn't look her friend in the eyes. _What the hell is wrong with me?! Why did I just do that?!_ Clarke was starting to move again, slowly siting down. – Clarke? I'm sorry…

-I… Maybe you should go… - Clarke was not looking up, staring at the floor. Lincoln was already grabbing their bags, getting ready to leave.

-Clarke… I'm sorry… - Lexa didn't move, still standing in front of Clarke. – Please say something. I'm sorry…

-I… just… Please go. We'll talk later… - Lexa knew that wasn't true. Clarke was not going to talk later. She knew her friend too well. Clarke would go silent for a long time, and only after having a good explanation for what had just happened, she would then, probably, talk with Lexa again.

-Please don't go silent for too much. – Lincoln was pulling Lexa by the arm. – I don't want to lose you… - Lexa was already by the door, Lincoln already outside, but before closing and leaving, she looked at her friend once more. Clarke was still frozen, staring down. – I'm sorry… - Right before Lexa closed the door, she was able to see Clarke looking up, at her. Their eyes met for a second. The deep forest from Lexa's eyes was swallowed by the waves of the still dark blue from Clarke's eyes. Lexa didn't even realize she was crying, until the first tear rolled down her face. Lincoln was still next to her. He grabbed her hand and they went out of the building. The cool breeze made all the warmth inside Lexa's body disappear. Lincoln didn't say a word. He knew Lexa well enough to know that, if she was crying, it was because she had been strong for too long. The silent presence would be the perfect thing he could do for her right now. Lexa's mind was still dark, too dark. All she could see was Clarke's eyes swallowing her, reaching her deep, where no one had ever looked before. She felt too exposed. _I wish I could go back! Why did I do that? Why did I kiss her?! I'll never see her again…_


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke opened her eyes from a sleepless night. She had gone to bed early, without being tired. Lexa and Lincoln had left her house the day before, leaving her drowning. She hadn't been able to think about what had happened. She remembered not being able to breathe. Lexa's soft lips had touched hers, and she had stopped breathing. She had frozen. She remembered feeling like she was drowning, going deeper and deeper, at each move from those tender lips. Lexa had moved away and talked, she knew that, but she had gone deft, blind, her mind had gone blank, making it harder for her to talk. The moment the door closed, Clarke exhaled air she hadn't even been aware she was holding in. Tears were downing her face, tears she didn't want to let out. She had got up and gone to bed, but sleep never came. Her dad, after coming home, had opened her bedroom's door, checking up on her, and she had just pretended to be sleeping. She had spent the entire night staring at the fake stars on the ceiling of her bedroom, her mind still blank, not being able to properly breathe, always feeling a lump in her throat, not letting the air go in or out completely. Lexa had kissed her. And the worst was, she had incited it. She had wanted. _I wanted Lexa to kiss me? Why? This doesn't make any sense!_ She could feel her pillow still humid from all the shed tears during the night. Although she had no idea why they fell, she had no control over their fall. The sun was peeking through the blinds that she had forgot to close, before falling in her bed the day before, like she used to do. She was still with the same feeling of being under water, not being able to breath fully. She had felt a few urges to call her best friend, to talk about how she was feeling, but she would remember that, Lexa was her best friend, and the reason she was feeling the way she was. She needed someone to talk to, someone that wasn't Lexa. Her dad had crossed her mind, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to share with him, all her sexuality doubts. Her mother didn't even cross her mind. She was left without anyone to talk to. She didn't have close friends, besides Lexa. She had no one she could talk to about what she was going through. She wasn't even sure about what that was, yet. Still laying in her bed, facing the ceiling, Clarke felt sick in her stomach. _What have I done?! Why did I act like that?! What's wrong with me?! I like her. She's my best friend. She must be feeling awful. I could've just said no, or move away. Why didn't I? I should've, I could've… So why didn't I do it? And why did she kiss me? Does she like me?_ Clarke was revolving in her bed, trying to find a position where she wouldn't feel sick. After a few seconds she decided to get up, the bed was no longer comfortable. It was the worst decision ever. The sickness in her stomach just grew bigger the moment she got up, making her run to the bathroom. Without having any control over it, she was with her head on the toilet, throwing up the entire content from the afternoon she had spent drinking. _Is this a hangover? Because if it is, I'm never drinking again…_ From the moment she had got up from her bed, her head had started spinning and pouncing. Her stomach was still revolting, even though she had no longer anything to throw out, she still felt like doing it. She decided to take a shower, wash away all the sorrow and sickness, wash her mind, maybe that would help her think properly. It took her a few minutes to get up from the floor, where she was, next to the toilet, still afraid of throwing up again. She got rid of her clothes. While taking her tank top off, she could still smell Lexa's perfume on it. It made new tears run down her face once again. She threw the tank top away and got inside the shower. With tears still going down her face, she opened the tap, letting the hot water wash everything away. She had no idea why she was crying, which just made her feel more frustrated, making her cry even more. She had been stuck in that cycle for the entire night. She stood with the hot water running down her face and body for an eternity, her skin was numb from all the heat. The steam was starting to make it impossible for her to breath, but she didn't want to move. She was so submerged in her own blank mind, that she didn't even hear her dad knocking at the bathroom door, calling for her. Clarke had been in the shower for more than 30 minutes, so her dad decided to go check on her. When Jake got inside, the steam made it almost impossible for him to see anything. Clarke was sitting in the bathtub, under the hot water, her head on her knees, eyes closed. It was like she was trying to occupy the least space possible, trying to be as smaller as she could.

-Clarke! – Jake turned off the water and took Clarke out of the shower, wrapping her up in a towel, taking her out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, a place where there was breathable air. – Clarke, honey?! What were you doing in there? Are you ok? – Clarke didn't open her eyes, she just hugged her father, putting her arms around his neck, so she could cry and let go, in his arms. Jake didn't say anything, just holding her, calming her down. He knew that his daughter would talk, once she calmed down.

Clarke let all the tears out, she let go of everything. Her father stayed holding her, for the entire time, rubbing small circles on her back, calming her down, humming their song in her ear, something he used to do, to help her calm down when she was a child. Clarke could start to feel her heartbeat slowing down and her breathing returning to normal. She found herself humming the song with her dad, once she had completely calmed down. Her father noticed that too, finally moving away a little, just enough to kiss Clarke's head and look her in the eyes.

-Hi. – Jake smiled, taking a blonde lock of hair away from Clarke's face, so he could see his daughter's face clearly. Clarke gave him a small smile. – I'm glad to see that beautiful smile.

-I'm so-

-Don't apologize. It was not your fault. I'm here for you Clarke. You know that, right? And I'll always love you no matter what. – Jake gave another kiss to his daughter's head, hugging her once more.

-Thanks dad. Mother is not home, right?

-No, she left early, to go to the hospital, they had some kind of an emergency. Did you want to talk to her?

-No! I was just asking. I wanted to talk to you… - Once she remembered again, she felt the lump in her throat starting to form again, and her heart was starting to beat faster.

-It's ok Clarke, you can talk to me whenever you feel ready. I'll be here. – Jake had noticed Clarke's body stiffening again.

-I know, but I really need to tell you this, or I will go crazy again.

-Ok then. Let me just leave, so you can dress something, and then we'll talk. Is that ok? – Clarke nodded, letting her dad move away and get up. – Call me if you need anything. I'm going downstairs, to make some tea. – When the door closed behind Jake, Clarke dried herself and put on some large, old, white shirt and some shorts. She tied her hair up in a messy bun, and went downstairs. She walked into the kitchen and found her dad sitting at the table, sipping on his tea.

-Hi… - Clarke was now coming to terms with the fact that, she was actually talking with her dad about everything.

-I made some tea for you too. – She sat down, taking her own tea and sipping on it, avoiding her dad's eyes, that were looking right through her. – So… What did you want to talk to me about? What happened? Because, there has been a long time since I found you like that. I thought you were doing better.

-I am. This was just a separated event. I just… there's this thing… that happened. I just don't know what to do, or what to think. I don't even know what to feel anymore. And I don't even have my best friend to talk to, because she is kind of the reason I'm like this…

-Lexa? – Jake had a shocked look on his face, masked with worry. – I thought you two were ok. Did she do something to you?

-What?! No! She did nothing wrong. I don't think so… I think it was my fault… And I just don't know how to deal with what I did. I don't know why I did it… - Jake was just confused, trying to follow Clarke's ramble.

-So what did you do? – _Here it is. The question that I don't know how to answer…_

-I… We… I mean, she… Well you know…

-Clarke, honey, breathe. It's ok. You don't have to tell me. – Clarke loved her dad so much. He was the most understandable person she knew. _Lexa is just like him in this aspect…_

-But I want to. – _I think so…_ \- So… you see… Last afternoon… We… Well she did, but I kind of incited her to do it, so it was the both of us. We kissed… - Clarke said the last word so low, that her dad would've only been able to hear it, if he was right next to her.

-You what? I didn't quite get the last word, honey.

-We kissed…

There was a moment of silence, where Jake just stared at Clarke, not knowing what to say or how to react. Clarke felt her heartbeat speed up. Jake opened his mouth a few times, without making any sound. It was like he had gone mute.

-Dad?...

-So… You kissed?

-Well, actually, she kissed me and I just froze.

-You froze?

-Yeah…

-Because you didn't want her to kiss you?

-Well, no. I mean yes. No. I don't know anymore… She's my best friend! We're not supposed to kiss, right?

-It depends, honey… Your mother is my best friend. She was my best friend before she was my girlfriend.

-But that's different becau-

-Because I'm a men and she's a woman?

-No! Yes. Maybe… I'm not gay… I think so…

-Clarke, you're still young. You're just, now, starting to find yourself. It's perfectly normal to question that. You should never freak out, or go crazy, because you feel like kissing your best friend. It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy. I'll love you no matter what. – Clarke had new tears downing her face, but this time it was happy tears. – Hey. There's no need to cry. Everything will be fine. – Jake had stood up, coming closer to Clarke, so she could throw her arms around his waist, burying her face on his chest.

-Thank you dad. I love you.

-I love you too, Clarke. – Jake kissed the top of Clarke's head. – So this, was what was driving you crazy? What happened after the kiss?

-I froze. I just told you.

-Yes, I know, but what happened to Lexa? – Clarke had no idea what had happened to her friend.

-I don't know… I told her to leave. I just… I'm not ready to talk with her.

-It's ok. Just know that she must be feeling as bad as you were. She's a great kid, she would never hurt you on purpose. When you feel ready, you two should talk, for real.

-I know dad… I just need to think. About this, about me, about what I feel.

-I know, I know. And please Clarke, don't do that again. You got me worried sick. I've told you to come talk to me. I hate seeing you like that.

-I'm sorry…

-I don't want you to apologize. Just promise me, you'll come to me the next time.

-I'll try to… I just… I was scared of how you would react.

-Clarke, honey, I'm not your mother. – Jake smiled, ruffling Clarke's hair. – Although I love her, your mother is slightly close minded when it comes to certain aspects. She'll accept it in the future, eventually.

-Dad! I don't even know yet! Don't tell her anything!

-Ok, ok. Don't worry. I won't tell her a thing.

-Thanks dad, again, for everything.

-Always.

They drank the rest of the tea in silence, just appreciating each other's company. Clarke's mind had gained colors again, and she was thinking properly, but still, her thoughts were a big mess. It would take her time to clean all that mess, but she would get there eventually. She loved Lexa, she would not be able to stay too long without talking to her, or without seeing her.

Jake decided that, since it was Saturday and he was not needed at work, being the boss had its privileges, they should go for a little trip. Clarke's family would sometimes take the weekend off and go "travel", that is, pretend that they were tourists in their own town. That little tradition, soon became something more for Clarke and Jake, because Abby rarely could go with them for the entire weekend.

-I'll let you choose the hotel. I think that we are really in need of one little get away. So, what do you think? Do you want to be a tourist with me, in this small town of ours? – Clarke was actually thrilled for this escape. It would be perfect to just get away from everything.

-Sounds perfect to me. Should we call mother and let her know? – She knew her mother would probably not be able to go, at least not for the entire weekend, she was still at the hospital, but still, she wanted the three of them to be together.

-I'll text her, to let her know. You go pack your things. – Clarke had already a place in mind. It was this cottage on the mountains. They had been there before, once or twice. It was this isolated place in the woods, with no connection with the outside world. People would usually go there to get away from all the pollution from the city. It would be perfect to clear her thoughts, to calm herself, to put everything into perspective.

Clarke went back into her bedroom and packed a small bag, just with the basics. She heard her dad coming up the stairs.

-So, have you thought of a place? – Jake passed through Clarke's room and went into his, to pack.

-Yes. I chose the cottage on the mountains. Do you remember? That one really isolated and close to that lake?

-Great choice, honey! It sounds perfect. We could go hiking and swimming. – Clarke went into her bathroom, to go get her stuff to pack. She went in and out, as fast as she could. The place was still steamy, and Clarke couldn't yet stay in for too long, still not being able to breathe properly inside. – I texted your mother. She said she's going to try and meet us there tomorrow, but she didn't promise anything. – Clarke was already expecting that answer from her mother.

-It's ok… We'll tell her everything, once we comeback. – Although Abby was really rigid with Clarke, she loved her mother and missed spending quality time with her.

Clarke closed her bag pack and went downstairs, followed by Jake, who was ready to leave as well. It was still 10:30 am. They would reach the cottage before sundown, if they were to leave now, which was great, because they could still go for a swim when they got there. Jake would call to book the place, during the trip there. It wasn't a well-known place so, in that time of the year, it would be empty for sure, summer vacations for the working class hadn't yet begin.

-We'll pass through a supermarket and get food for the weekend. Ready? – Jake looked at Clarke, eyes shining with the emotion and happiness of going on their little trip.

-Ready. – Jake opened the door, letting Clarke go out first and closing the door behind him. They went in the car, turning on the music. They had a playlist for their trips, and Clarke was already looking for it on the glove compartment.

"The Griffin's Playlist for the Best Car Trips" started playing and Clarke put all her worries behind her. Seeing her building disappear on the rearview mirror, she decided to let her thoughts with it. The smallest her building was getting, the smallest her worries were getting as well. Until there was no building, and there were no problems.

Lexa felt the tears going down her face. She couldn't quite remember the last time she had felt that. They went back to the school, where Lincoln had left his car, so he could drive her home. They went in silence the entire time. Lexa thanked Lincoln for that, mentally. She would've not been able to say a word. He parked in front of her house and let her out.

-See you later Lex. I'm here, if you need me. – Lexa looked at him, no expression in her face, but her eyes spoke for her. – Everything will be fine… She'll be fine… You'll see.

Lexa went inside. Even her dog could sense she was not ok, opting for not jumping around her, instead just licking her fingers, trying to make her look at him, trying to cheer her up. The moment she opened the door, she could hear Anya and Aden in the living room, playing Mario Kart. Anya was going on about Aden being a cheater. She decided to go upstairs, not looking up. She locked her bedroom's door, not wanting her sister to walk in, like she used to do. She dropped herself on the bed, letting her body sink and her emotions take control, not having strength enough to counteract it. She felt numb. _What have I done?! I've ruined it… I'll never see her again… those eyes… her voice… What have I done?!_ Lexa could still feel the alcohol running in her veins. _Fuck alcohol! I'll never drink again! This would've never happened if I was sober… I just wish she would listen to me. I could explain. I just want to be friends. I don't want to lose her._ Lexa stayed lying on her bed, just sinking, until her mother called.

-Dinner is ready! Alexandria! I want you downstairs! – Lexa wasn't hungry, and she was definitely not in the mood to have meaningless conversation with her family.

-I'm not hungry mom! – It took all of herself to make her voice sound steady.

-Are you sure? You know there's no food after dinner.

-I'm sure mom! – Her mother went back in the kitchen, joining her brother and sister. Her father was still at work, another thing Lexa thanked God for. Lexa went back to let herself vegetate on her bed. The alcohol was making her feel numb so, sleep came easily, but the night was everything except for calm. Lexa woke up startled a few times during the night. The dream was always pretty much the same. She would find herself staring into Clarke's eyes. The blue would soon invade her and she would find herself in the sky. And what would start as a good feeling, Lexa would easily remember that she couldn't fly. The magical blue, that usually would make her feel radiant, would became darker and scarier, she would start falling into the infinite of that blue, seeing her favorite and clear blue get unreachable by every second she spent falling. She would always wake up with the feeling of being about to hit the ground. By the third time she had the same dream, she decided to get up. She was all sweaty and her mouth was completely dry. She decided to go take a shower, wash the alcohol away.

After getting out of the shower and putting on some clothes, Lexa went downstairs. It was still early and everyone was sleeping. The sun hadn't rise yet, but the sky was no longer dark.

Her family had a tree house in the back yard. The three Woods, being big lovers of climbing trees, had decided to build a house on one. It had become their hiding place. Only the _kru_ was allowed to get inside, that was Lexa, Anya, Aden and Lincoln. She decided it would be the perfect place to go. She climbed the old tree. The house was equipped with all kind of duvets and blankets, because the house had only a roof in half of it, making the other half, the perfect spot to watch the stars, the sunsets and the sunrises. She laid down on one of the blankets, and stayed staring at the sky, watching the dark blue become clearer by every minute, becoming more and more like her favorite shade of blue, the one from Clarke's eyes. It comforted her seeing that blue again. _I have to do something. I have to show her… I can't just stay here in silence._ She had sent two messages already. Clarke didn't answer. Lexa knew her friend was known for not being attached to her phone, she could go days without even noticing her phone was off. The sun was starting to peek. She could start to hear noise, back at the house. Lexa could hear Anya screaming at Aden, for him to get out of her room. Aden would usually wake up earlier than everyone in the house, and he would then enjoy waking up the rest of the family. Anya hated that. Lexa didn't mind being woken up by her brother, he was the sweetest. She tried to move her body, but it didn't move, still too heavy for her sleepy mind. Aden ran the downstairs, trying to escape the rage from an Anya that had just woke up, it was the worst kind of Anya's. Lexa looked down from the tree house, Aden had just reached the base of the tree. Anya hadn't bothered chasing him that far, deciding to stay in her bedroom. Aden was trying to catch his breath, he hadn't noticed Lexa was in the tree house, looking down at him.

-Hi early riser.

-What? – Aden was looking around, trying to find out where the voice had come.

-Up here, _strikbro_.

-Lexa? What are you doing up there? – Aden was already climbing the tree.

-Just watching the sunrise, I guess…

Aden looked at his sister laying on the blanket. His face went straight to concern.

-Lexa? What's wrong? What happened to you? Did you sleep at all? – Lexa hadn't looked in the mirror yet, it seemed that she must've looked terrible. – Have you been cry-

-No. I'm fine. – Lexa stood up, sitting down. The movement was too big and made too fast, Lexa felt like the world was spinning. Aden noticed that, coming to hold her.

-You're not ok. Lexie, what's wrong? You look sick…

-I'm not. I just didn't sleep very well. That's all. I'll be ok, after a good night of sleep.

-Are you sure? I know you think I'm a little kid, but I can help… You can talk to me… - Lexa stared at her little brother. Her heart filled with love. She felt tears coming back to her eyes, so she hugged her brother closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

-Thanks, _strikbro_. – She took a deep breath and ruffled Aden's hair, kissing his forehead and moving away. – Should we go have breakfast? – Lexa drew a little smile, trying to look ok. Aden stared a little longer at his big sister, trying to see through her mask, but not being successful.

-Yes, let's go eat something, I'm starving. – Aden helped Lexa getting up. They climbed down the tree, going inside, finding Becca going in the kitchen.

-Good morning Alexandria. You must be hungry. – Her mother hadn't yet looked at her face.

-Yes, slightly hungry.

-You mus- - Becca had just now looked at Lexa's face, reacting the exact same way as Aden. – Lexa, sweetie, what happened? Are you ok? Did you sleep at all? – Mrs. Woods was inspecting Lexa, even putting the back of her right hand on Lexa's forehead, trying to check if she had the fever.

-I'm fine mom. I just had a bad night, that's all. I couldn't sleep, so I'm tired. I'm not sick.

-Are you sure you're just tired. Sweetie, you look sick.

-That's what I told her mom, but she said she was fine. – Aden was stirring the dough for the famous "Aden's Chocolate Chip Pancakes", the tradition for the weekends' breakfast.

-I want you in bed early tonight, do you hear me? – _Not like that is going to change a thing…_

-Yes, mom. – Lexa's mom was satisfied with her answer, starting to set the table, and going to help Aden. Lexa decided to go wash her face, and see why everyone thought she was sick. The moment she saw herself in the mirror, she understood. _I look terrible! It almost looks like I got punched!_ She washed her face and splattered a little bit on her neck, trying to freshen up. She decided to tie her hair up, maybe she would go for a little run after breakfast, _if it's not too hot…_ She heard Anya reach the kitchen. _I could be on the other corner of the world, and still hear her. She really likes being the center of attention…_ Her father was coming down too, Lexa could hear his footsteps down the stairs. She decided to join her family.

The kitchen table was filled with food, it seemed like her mother was trying to feed a family of ten and not five. There was everything, for all the tastes.

-I was thinking that today we could go in one of our traditional Woods' Hikes. – Titus was, as usual, sitting at the head of the table, backs straight, always with his superior look. The entire family looked at him when he talked.

-Maybe Lexa shouldn't come. Have you look at your daughter's face? She looks exhausted. She should stay at home and rest. – Titus looked Lexa in the eyes, his expression never changing. Lexa was too tired to pretend she was ok, she just looked down, braking the eye contact.

-She can stay, but the rest of us should go. We're all needing this. It's settled. – Anya did not look happy at all with her father's decision, but she knew better than to contradict Titus Woods. Aden seemed excited, he loved the hikes.

-It seems like a great idea. I need to get out of the house. – Becca also loved the hikes. Aden was a lot like their mother.

As normal, the meal went by in silence, Titus had the rule of no conversation while eating, something they would do, every time he was not home. After eating and cleaning the kitchen, Lexa's family went on, getting ready for the hike. Lexa was starting to feel slightly better, she wouldn't mind going on the hike too, but at the same time all her limbs were still heavier than usual, and she could feel her reflexes slower too. She felt like she was in a state of constant somnolence.

-See you later, sweetie. – Becca kissed Lexa's nose and went out, she was always the last one leaving the house. Lexa saw them packing sandwiches, so she knew they would comeback at sundown. She was going to be home alone the entire Saturday. She decided to send a new message to Clarke.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I'm sorry, Clarke… I really am. I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to kiss you. I just… Please let me talk to you. I can explain… I promise I will never do that again. I just want my best friend back.

It took Lexa a lot of time to write the message, because she would start and then erase. She did that about ten times, before setting for that one. Even after pressing send, she wasn't sure about it.

Emotions had really drained her out, she felt exhausted. She decided she should rest. After half an hour, she found out that sleeping was not an option. Lexa decided to go lay down on the sofa, and watch some movie. Maybe that would take her mind out of all the stuff. It didn't, not really, but it helped a little. She stayed on the sofa the entire day, she didn't even get up to have lunch, not feeling like it. She saw three movies, and she didn't remember what any of them was about. Around 6pm she got up and made some tea. After drinking it, she just gave up. She went into her bedroom and fell on her bed, her eyes closing instantly, falling in a deep sleep, a sleep without dreams. When the rest of the family finally got home, Lexa didn't even notice her mother coming to check up on her.

A week had passed, and things were calming down. Clarke hadn't yet talked with Lexa. She hadn't even turn on her phone, knowing that once she did it, she wouldn't be able to ignore the messages. The weekend on the cottage had been great. She spent the days on the lake or hiking with her father. During the night they would sit on the chaise loungers outside, and her father would show her all the constellations. It was a relaxing weekend and she was able to put things into perspective. _I love Lexa, just not like that… I just have to tell her that._ It seemed easy, but Clarke was still having trouble finding the right words to say it to her friend. She didn't want to hurt Lexa. _I just wish things could go back to normal. That we could go back before we kissed, and not kiss._ Clarke was in her living room, sitting in the middle of the sofa, her dad on her right and her mother on her left. They had had dinner already, and had decided to watch a movie, something that they hadn't do for a long time, at least not three together. Abby had the weekend off, something she hadn't had for 2 months straight.

-Clarke, when are your applications happening?

-In two weeks.

-And you have everything ready for it? – _Sometimes she can really be a pain in the ass._ They were watching a movie, she was finally in vacation, with no worries, and her mother had to bring all that back. She wanted to relax for a little. In two weeks she would go back to worry with her future, but for now she just wanted to enjoy the movie.

-Abby, honey, let's watch the movie. Clarke is a responsible kid. She has everything under control. If she needs our help, she'll ask for it. – Jake had seen Clarke's face when his wife started making questions, so he came in her rescue.

They went back to watching the movie, and Clarke thanked her dad for it, resting her head on his shoulder. The happy ending came, and with it the time to go to bed. Clarke got into her room. The first thing her eyes caught was her phone on her desk, it almost looked like it was shining, screaming for her attention. In a second, Clarke was turning it on. The lock screen came to life, and after it was on, her phone started vibrating. She stared down at it, seeing 3 messages from Lexa and 5 calls, 2 from Lexa and 3 from Lincoln. _Lincoln? Why did he call me? How does he even have my number?_ And just like she feared, the moment she saw that she had messages from Lexa, she had to read them.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I'm sorry Clarke. Please don't shut me off.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

Clarke, please call me. Or at least answer my calls. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. You're my best friend, please don't ignore me. I can help you…

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I'm sorry, Clarke… I really am. I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to kiss you. I just… Please let me talk to you. I can explain… I promise I will never do that again. I just want my best friend back.

The messages had all one week. Lexa had probably decided to give her space. _Always thinking on her friends first…_ The calls were also from the last weekend, except for the ones from Lincoln, those were from the day before. _Why did he call me yesterday? Is Lexa ok? He would only call for her._ Clarke decided to let her best friend know she was ok, they had both suffered enough.

 **Clarke:**

Hi… Please don't say you're sorry again. It was not your fault. I wanted to kiss you too. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I just had to think things through. I just hope you can forgive me, for keeping you out for so long. You're my best friend and I shouldn't treat you like this. I'm better now, if you want to talk now, I can do it. Sorry…

Clarke sent the message, and decided to call Lincoln.

-Hey. – Lincoln's voice was dark, not welcoming at all, like it used to be.

-Hi. You called me yesterday. My phone was off the entire week, I just turned it back on.

-Really? That's your excuse? Your phone was off? Wow… I actually thought better of you. – Lincoln sounded threatening. – Do you have any idea how she is? You can't do this to her. – _Lexa? What does he mean with that?_

-I just sent her a message. I'm sorry, ok… It wasn't exactly easy for me either. And this is between me and Lexa. How do you even have my number?

-Everything that affects Lexa, has to do with me too. I just don't know how Anya, hasn't said something to you yet. Lexa must've stopped her somehow. – _Anya? Lexa's sister? What was going on?_ – You could've just sent her a message, saying that you needed space, that would've been enough. But you said nothing. She had no idea if you were even ok. She cares about you. A lot.

-I know! Don't you think that I know that? I care about her too! Is she ok? – Clarke felt guilty asking that question. She had been worried about her friend, but she had no idea Lexa would take it so hard. She just knew, she had to take care of herself first.

-She's fine, now… Not thanks to you. But don't worry, she's going to forgive you, for sure. She lo- … You know what, never mind. Just don't hurt her like this again. – Lincoln's voice had lost the scary tone at his last sentence.

-I won't. I had no idea, you know? I'll talk to her. I'm sorry…

-Bye Clarke. See you next week. – Lincoln hang out. _Next week? Oh my God! Next week! It's Lexa's birthday!_ She had forgot. She hadn't finish the present. Clarke had started working on Lexa's present when they were still having classes. It was almost finished, but she still had a few things to take care. Clarke knew Lexa was a Harry Potter fan, a really big one, so she had decided to give her friend the experience of receiving her Hogwarts' letter, just the way Harry had received it. She had already a plastic bag with 200 letters in it. She had thought about spreading the letters all over her house. She even had talked with her little brother, Aden, to help her out. She had to put her plan back into motion. Although she wasn't sure if Lexa still wanted her in the party, she was still giving her the present. She had a week to finish everything. The cloak from Ravenclaw was already wrapped, that was the real gift. Clarke had ordered it online. It was the perfect gift. Clarke was all into finishing Lexa's birthday present, when her phone buzzed.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

Of course I forgive you… It was nobody's fault. We were just drunk. It didn't mean anything. I just heard that Lincoln called you, I'm sorry for that. He's just protective over me. I'm fine. I hope you're too. I missed my best friend… Hope you can come to my party, even after all this mess. Maybe there we can talk this through.

 **Clarke:**

I missed you too… I´ll be there, for sure. And we should definitely talk this through. See you :*

Lexa didn't say anything back, after Clarke's message. She could feel that things were tense, and she totally understood. She was going to make things right. _I can't lose her. Not now. I don't think I could live without my best friend anymore._ She set her mind to that goal. She would finish the birthday present, and she would explain everything to Lexa. She deserved the truth. The entire truth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It was way too early to be awake, especially since she was on vacations. Clarke was parking her car in front of Lexa's house. She had planned with Aden, Lexa's younger brother, to meet him at their house around 7am. It was Lexa's birthday. Aden had told her that Lexa would wake up around 8am, and the letters were supposed to be spread all over the house when she woke up. Clarke felt excited, but at the same time slightly apprehensive. Things between them hadn't been worked on, yet. They were going to talk that day, or maybe the next day, since Clarke was staying the night. _Still can't believe that my mother let me sleep at Lexa's house…_ Clarke wasn't sure about anything. She missed her best friend, and just wanted things to go back to normal. She also knew that they were going to drink that night, and the truth was, that she didn't quite trust herself around Lexa, while drunk, not anymore. _What if I kiss her while drunk? But then again, why would I kiss her? I spent so much time thinking everything through. I know that I just want my best friend back. So why would I be afraid of wanting to kiss her? Why does that even cross my mind? If I don't want to kiss her sober, why do I think I'm going to want to kiss her, while drunk?_ Clarke had too much to worry about for that night. She was going to meet Lexa's parents for the first time, she would see and talk with Lexa after the week of silence, and she was going to see Lincoln again, after the awful call she had had with him. _He had no right to call me and tell me that._ Clarke was still sitting in her car, gaining the courage to get inside Lexa's house. She had never been inside that majestic house. _Majestic, because comparing this house with my apartment, I feel like I'm living in a hole. She never told me she lived in a house this big. It kind of looks like a mansion, compared to mine. I wonder if it has a pool? It must have, otherwise she wouldn't have told me to bring a bikini. That was a stupid question…_ Clarke was no longer sure if she wanted to leave her car at all. She decided to just get out. _The longer I stay inside, the harder will be to get out. Let's go!_ She grabbed the plastic bag filled with the letters, and headed to the front door. She was about to ring the doorbell, when the door was wide opened. Aden was in front of her, holding a dog, bigger than him. He had a radiant smile and it did not look like he had just woken up.

-Hi! – Even his voice was bright. – I saw your car arriving. What took you so long getting out of it? For a moment there, I thought you would stay inside of it forever. – _Busted… This kid is hilarious. Always sharp._

-Right… I was just... Checking. – Clarke would not tell Aden that she had spent 15 minutes inside her car, just gaining the courage to get out of it.

-Checking what? – _God, this kid won't let go._

-Checking… if I had everything I needed.

-Ohh… And you do?

-What?

-Do you have everything?

-What? I mean, yes. I do. I brought everything. – Clarke raised the plastic bag, and Aden's smile just grew bigger. The dog next to him, almost seemed like it had sense his owner smiling, and started jumping and waving his tail vigorously. Lexa had talked about the dog, but Clarke couldn't remember the name. – I'm not afraid of him, you can let him loose. - And just like that, Aden closed the door behind Clarke and let the dog loose.

-He's just a little young and crazy, that's why we don't let him loose around visitors, he tends to-

Aden hadn't finished talking, when Clarke felt herself being pushed into the ground. The dog had his front paws on her shoulders, and was licking her face and neck.

-Benji! Stop! Sit. – Benji was a well-trained dog, because in a second, he was sitting next to Clarke. Looking down on her, still with his tongue completely out and drooling everywhere. – I told you he was crazy. So sorry. Are you ok? – Aden offered her help getting up.

-That's ok. I just never thought he was strong enough to push me to the ground. Benji you called him?

-Yeah. His really obedient, my father taught him that way. You just have to keep a neutral and straight voice, and he will do anything. You can try it, if you want to. – Clarke already back on her feet, straightening her clothes. _Thanks God he didn't step on the bag. We could all say goodbye to the perfect present, if he had._ Benji was staring at her, as if waiting for her to make him do something. _This is a really weird dog… How the hell does he understand what we're talking about? I mean, I know he doesn't, but still. It really looks like he does._ Aden was still looking at her, waiting for her to say something to his dog.

-What do I make him do?

-Anything.

-Like, literally anything? Does he know how to play dead?

-Yup. Actually, Lexa was the one who taught him that one. – _Of course she was…_

-Play dead. – Clarke was still smiling, so her voice didn't come out exactly neutral. She decided to try again. – Play dead! – And just like that, Benji was lying on the floor, with all his paws up, tongue out of his mouth, pretending to be dead. _Hilarious._

-Good boy! – Aden fondled Benji's belly, making him "come back to life". – Let's go inside, we have a lot to do before my sister wakes up. – Aden guided her inside. Lexa's house was even more beautiful on the inside. _If I thought my mother likes to keep our house all tide up like in a furniture's catalog, then this… God, it's… Wow… How does her mother keep it like this? She has three kids. Well, Lexa doesn't quite count as a kid, but still…_ \- Yes, I know. The house is really clean. We have a cleaning lady, that comes here every day, except for the weekends. My mom is slightly crazy with keeping the house presentable, in case of guests. – Clarke must've had her mouth open, because Aden knew exactly what had crossed her mind.

-Sorry, I just… Lexa never told me she lived in a mansion.

-She doesn't quite like admitting or talking about, the fact that she comes from a wealthy family.

-Well, it's a beautiful house.

-Thanks. So, the rooms are upstairs, where everyone is still sleeping. My idea was to put letters everywhere. So that she would go recollecting them when she wakes up. We should start with the ones in the kitchen and in the living room. – Aden was all excited, talking non-stop. Clarke wasn't sure if he was even breathing.

-Ok. Maybe we should like divide the letters. I could start in the kitchen or something like that, and you ca-

-I can go put a few in the tree house! Yes! – This little and skinny boy was jumping up and down, grabbing two handful of letters. – The kitchen is right up ahead, on the left. Meet you on the living room! – And just like that, he flew away, leaving Clarke alone in the hallway.

Clarke went into the kitchen. _Wow… This kitchen is amazing. I mean, I hate to cook and I'm terrible at it, but this kitchen makes me want to cook. Or at least try._ She really wanted to go through all the draws, cabinets and the fridge, but she decided not to overstep. Clarke started spreading the letters everywhere. Some on the table, others on the counters, a few ended up on the floor or on the chairs. It looked realistic. It really looked like in the movie, that it had rained letters. When she was content with her job, she left the kitchen. She passed again through the hall that had led her to the kitchen, leaving a few letters on the floor, and went into a bathroom at her right. It was small, it didn't even have a shower, it was probably a bathroom for the guests. It's still pretty amazing though… Once again, Clarke went on spreading the letters everywhere. She was leaving the bathroom, when Aden bumped into her.

-Sorry! – he was still overly excited – The living room and the tree house are ready!

-Ok… The kitchen and this bathroom, are ready too. – Clarke was happy as well, but Aden was in another level of happiness. – Do you always get this excited for your sister's birthday?

-Kind of. But this time I know that it's going to be 100 times better. She never invites friends over. You're the first one. Lincoln doesn't count, he's like a brother. And your gift is sooo perfect! I should've thought of it earlier.

-Thanks… I guess. – _So Lexa doesn't invite friends over… That explains why after 5 months of friendship, I had never been here._ She had met Aden a few weeks after meeting Lexa. Lexa was really close with her little brother, they would sometimes spend the afternoon together, and Lexa had once invited Clarke to go eat ice cream with them. After that first time, Aden had asked Lexa to bring Clarke every time. – So what now? How much time do we have left?

-Not much. But we're almost done. I'm going to start the breakfast. After that we'll go wake Lexa up.

-We…?

-Yeah! Of course we. She's going to love seeing you. She doesn't know you're already here. It's going to be amazing! – Clarke wasn't so sure about that. – So, we have like 20 minutes. Want to come help me cook?

-Ahh… Sure. I just-

-I know. You're quite terrible at it, I've heard. Don't worry.

-What?! I'm not terrible! I'm going to kill Lexa. – Aden was laughing, and pulling Clarke towards the kitchen.

-Maybe you could wait until tomorrow to kill her.

-I'll think about it.

Aden did pretty much the entire work. He was a good cook, much like Lexa. The only thing Clarke did, was pass him the stuff he asked for. He cooked a queen's breakfast. It had everything: eggs and bacon, chocolate chips pancakes and a grilled cheese toast. He even made her fresh orange juice. Clarke put the food on a tray, adding another letter to it.

-Ok, let's go wake up _Heda_! – _Heda?_ Aden led the way.

With her eyes still closed, Lexa was no longer asleep. It was her birthday, she knew that Aden would get in her room to wake her up, jumping all around and screaming " _Hapotei_ ". She could hear him downstairs, getting everything ready. Lexa noticed that there was another pair of footsteps, something unusual. _Definitely not Anya, she's always the last one to get up. Maybe mom is helping Aden with his arrangements_. While waiting for her little brother to come wake her up, Lexa found herself wondering about Clarke. She had invited her best friend to her party, it had never crossed her mind to do otherwise. She was confused about where Clarke stood. _First she freezes and backs away from a kiss, but then she says she wanted us to kiss. What is that supposed to mean?_ Lexa knew what it had felt like to question herself. She remembered how it had been like, for her, to realize that maybe she wasn't as the other girls, that she wasn't "normal", that she might like girls. At the time, she ended up talking with her mom. She loved her mom, she had been really supportive during everything. Becca was a really accepting mother, not old fashioned at all, the complete opposite of her father. Lexa knew that her father knew something, although she had never told him a thing, she sensed that he knew something, but he just wasn't big enough to confront her about it.

She was revolting in her bed, already feeling anxious about the day that was coming, when she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. Lexa went back to her sleeping position, pretending to be asleep. Aden came through the door running and jumped on top of her, shaking her and messing with her hair.

-Hapotei Heda! It's your birthday sis! – When Lexa finally sat up, Aden threw himself at her, kissing her and giving her one of his strong hugs. – I brought you your gift!

And just then, Lexa looked behind Aden, founding who was the other pair of footsteps. Clarke… Her best friend, and the reason for her to be feeling down the last days, was standing in her room, tray in hands, hair up in a messy bun. Clarke looked beautiful, _as always…_ She was wearing jean shorts and a low-cut black shirt. The truth of that moment was, neither one of them two, knew what words to use. They were frozen in time, staring at each other. After 2 weeks, the blue sky collided with the forest green. All their doubts disappeared, all the fears and anger were gone. They missed each other more than they thought, and way more than they were ready to admit.

-Happy birthday Lexa. – Clarke was the first to break the silence, coming closer to Lexa's bed, and placing the tray on the bed.

-Thanks… - The word came out of her mouth too husky. – I mean, thanks for coming. I had no idea you would come this early. I would've gotten ready. I just woke up, I mus-

-Surprise! I was the one who told her to come earlier! Did you like it? Did you? – Aden was back with the jumping and screaming. Lexa looked at him, taking the tray and putting it away, in the night stand. Without a word of warning, she got herself on her knees, and tackled Aden down, starting her famous tickling attack. – Nooo! No tickling! Lexa! _Hod op_!

-Of course I liked it! Thanks _strikbro_. This is my way of thanking you. – Aden had already tears of joy in his eyes, so Lexa stopped. He moved away to straighten up, but Lexa was still laughing.

-That was not funny…

-But you were laughing.

-Well, you were tickling me. – Clarke was just standing in the room, watching the interaction between the two of them. – Come on Clarke, Lexa has to get ready. – Aden was already reaching for Clarke's hand, to take her downstairs.

-Actually, Aden, Clarke and I have to talk about something…

-Fine… But I need her downstairs, so you better hurry up.

-I'm _Heda_ , I'll take as long as need.

-Then you'll be eating a cold breakfast. – Aden stuck his tongue out and ran away, before Lexa could reprehend him from doing it so.

Lexa got up from the bed, approaching Clarke. She came close enough to wipe away a tear, that had silently fallen. No words were needed. The second Lexa's hand touched Clarke's face, she leaned on it. Clarke was starting to breathe faster. Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist, letting her come to rest. Clarke just let go completely, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck, and resting her head on Lexa's shoulder.

-I'm so-

-Shhh… Don't. Everything is ok. – And it was. The moment their eyes met again, everything became ok. Lexa couldn't care less about the anger and sadness. Clarke was right there, in her arms. Clarke needed her.

They stayed hugging each other for as long as they needed. Clarke's breathing coming back to normal and her fallen tears coming to wet Lexa's shoulder. They felt complete again. Although they knew they still had a lot to talk about, and things to go through, in that moment, everything was ok.

This time, Lexa was the one to break the silence.

-We will talk. Today or tomorrow. I just want you to know that you don't need to explain yourself to me. I'll be here whenever you need me.

-I know… You're the sweetest, and that just makes feel worst about what I did to you.

-Don't.

-But you didn't deserve it.

-So didn't you. All this is happening because of me. Because I had to kiss you.

-The kiss was not just your fault. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you. – _She did?_ – But all this… This is just too much, and I-

-I know. All the questioning. All the overthinking every little thought and feeling. I know all that, because I've been through all that.

-And it's not just that… I also… - Lexa could sense Clarke wanted to tell her something. She grabbed Clarke's shoulders and moved her away, making it possible to look her in the eyes.

-Clarke, whatever it is, if you're not ready to talk about it, you don't have to.

-I know… But I want to. – Clarke still had her arms around Lexa's neck. – I've wanted to tell you this before, but it just never happened. You're my best friend, and after all this, I think you deserve to know. – Lexa dried one last tear from Clarke's face. – I had this friend… Wells. Actually he was kind of more like a brother to me. He was… he's gone now. I lost him… It's been 4 years. I know it's a lot, but it still hurts…

-It's not a lot. You have every right to miss him.

-He was my best friend. He was the one I would go to, when anything went wrong in my life. You've had the pleasure to meet my mother… She… I know she wants the best for me, but she puts me under a lot of pressure. Wells used to be the one there for me. Although my father is more present now, he didn't used to be. After he… after he was killed, I went through a lot. I just went down this spiral of depression. I'm better now, I really am. But that day, when you… kissed me. I just started overthinking and it was too overwhelmed. It went against everything I knew about myself. And I wanted to talk to you, my best friend, but you were the… And so I found myself back at that place, where I got no one, just like after Wells…

Lexa grabbed Clarke closer and hugged as thigh as she possible could.

-I'm so sorry. I was a terrible friend. I should've…

-It was not your fault Lexa. You didn't know.

-But I shouldn't ha-

-You were amazing. You are amazing. You are here for me. Always had.

-And always will.

-I know.

-Oh my god! I just remembered. Lincoln said he called you.

-He did… - Clarke's face said a lot, even before she could put it in words.

-What did he say? I didn't ask him to do that. He's just overprotective. He can be a truly asshole sometimes. What did he say to you?

-He… nothing. He was just mad for you.

-It doesn't matter! He had no right! – Lexa was tense. She was mad at Lincoln. – What happened was between you and me.

-Lexa. It's ok. You don't ha-

-I'm just going to ask him what he said. We're just going to talk.

-Your clenched fists say otherwise. – Lexa hadn't even realized how tensed her body was. – Just calm down. He's your friend. He was trying to protect you.

-I can protect myself! And why would he protect me, from you? – Clarke caressed Lexa's arms, trying to make her calm down.

-Lexa, can we please just forget about this? It's your birthday. We're finally ok. I just want to celebrate with you. And your brother is waiting for us downstairs.

-Ok… - Lexa was not going to forget about it. _Lincoln is still coming over today. We'll have a little talk then._ – I'm really happy that you shared all this with me. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, at such a young age. And I just want to say one more time. I'll be here for you. Always. – Lexa kissed Clarke's cheek. – Now, I hear you have the perfect gift for me. Aden hasn't shut up about it all last week.

-I do. – Clarke made a nervous smile. – The first one is on the tray I brought.

Lexa turned to her night stand, where she had placed the tray. There was a piece of paper, she hadn't noticed before. She went to grabbed it. _What?!_ It took her just one glance to know what it was.

-Is this for real?! Are you kidding me? Oh my God! – _It's a freaking Hogwarts letter!_ Lexa opened the letter and read it. – It even has my name on it! How did you do that?!

-There's this site online where you can do it. I don't even know how I found that. Did yo-

Before Clarke could finish her question, Lexa jumped on her, lifting her in the air and twirling her around.

-Lexaa!

-You're the best!

-I know, but please put me down! – Lexa put her down, but she was still hugging her.

-I'm so happy! I don't think you understand my level of happiness right now.

-You haven't even saw the rest. – Clarke smiled mischievously – You really have no idea what you have waiting for you downstairs.

-There's more?

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and started running downstairs. She didn't even bother to change out of her pajamas.


	8. Chapter 8

Everywhere she looked there were letters. _Mom probably is not going to find it that amazing… But screw that! This IS amazing!_

-You've been staring at your own living room for 2 minutes. And your mouth is open. – Lexa was so amazed with everything around her, that she didn't even notice she had frozen.

-I… It's all just… So perfect! I was just trying to take it all in.

-You're such a nerd. – Lexa didn't even bother to look at Clarke. _She's probably looking at me with that contagious smile of hers. Totally mocking me. Which is not fair. My state of awake dreaming is totally her fault._ – Once you're finished with the staring at your living room, you might want to look at me again, since I'm holding your actual gift. – _My what?_ Lexa turned around immediately. Clarke was holding something black in her arms, it looked like a piece of clothing, like a cloak. _Oh my God! A cloak?!_ – I heard you were a Ravenclaw…

-Is that what I think it is?!

-Maybe… - Clarke had the biggest smile in her face. – Want to try it on?

-Do I…? Of course I do! – Clarke unfolded the cloak and gave it to Lexa. It was huge and soft and it was blue on the inside, just like the color from Ravenclaw. _It's perfect_. Lexa put it on and looked down on herself. Without even thinking, she threw herself at Clarke, grabbing her by the waist and twirling her around, one more time that morning. – You're the best friend ever! – This time Clarke didn't scream, instead she threw her arms around Lexa's neck to hold herself.

-Good morning Lexie! I can't believe my little girl is turning 18. – Anya had just get into the living room, trying to mimic mom's voice. – Oh… Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Wait. Clarke? What is she doing in here?

Lexa put Clarke down and turned to face her sister, moving Clarke to stand behind her, it was an instinctive move.

-Excuse me? This is my birthday. And she's my friend.

-But, does father know you have a friend over? At this time of the day?

-What? – Lexa was confused. She had thought Anya would be mad at Clarke, like Lincoln was.

-You know his rules. – Anya looked around the living room for the first time, finally seeing all the letters on the floor. – _Sis,_ I know it's your birthday, but you might just have managed to find a way to upset both mom and father, at the same time. – Anya stared at Lexa. – I couldn't be more proud and happy. – Anya was now thrilled, because Lexa was "doomed" – I soo want to see their faces when they see this.

-Really? That's why you're happy?

-Right… _Hapotei sis._ – Anya waved Lexa off and went into the kitchen.

-Your sister is always so nice. – Clarke looked at Lexa and they both broke into laugh.

-But she is kind of right. My mom is not going to appreciate all this letters on the floor.

-Sorry about that. Maybe we should grab them all. There's more in the kitchen and in the bathroom.

-Wow. You two really wanted to make it seem real.

-That was the point. To make you feel like you had just received your Hogwarts letter, just like Harry Potter did. – Lexa smiled once again. _I really do have the best friend ever._

-Thank you. For this. For everything.

-You're welcome. Now let's stop being sappy and start to clean all this. I don't want your parents to thinking I'm a bad influence.

-They would never think that. But you're right. We should definitely clean all this.

Clarke was sitting at the kitchen table with Lexa and her family. She felt welcomed, but at the same time, like she wasn't supposed to be there, listening to their conversations, to their day-to-day interactions. She found herself watching that family interact, as she was watching a movie from afar. Aden and Anya bickering with each other, Lexa always the well-behaved daughter, having a conversation with her mother about her birthday party that night. It was just when her eyes moved to watch Lexa's father, Titus, that she realized she was being watched, as well. Titus was staring at her, with a not so lovely face.

-So, Clarke, tell me about yourself. I heard you want to become a doctor. – The moment Titus spoke, the entire family went quiet. It looked like the king was talking. Clarke felt small. That man, looking down on her, it made her feel so small, like she was nothing.

-Yes, you heard right. I would like to be a surgeon, but I'm yet to decide the field I want.

-And you feel confident that you will get into the college you want? – _Why the hell am I being interrogated? I don't have to hear it from my mother, so that I can hear it from him now?_

-I do.

-I see… And what college is that exactly?

-Father… - Lexa tried to stop the nonsense interrogation that was happening, but Titus was not pleased yet.

-It's ok Lexa. – Clarke wasn't loving that interaction with Lexa's father, but she was not about to show weakness. – It's the Medical University of Polis.

-Polis. Same as Lexa. – Titus seemed to be pleased with their conversation, so just like that, he went back to eating his breakfast. The rest of the family remained in silence.

-Sorry about that. – Lexa came to whisper in Clarke's ear. – I should've warned you this could happen. He's just… well, my father. – Clarke turned to face her. Lexa didn't have time to back away, which made their noses bump. Both smiling and shy about that, decided to just back away.

-Sorry… And it was ok. With your father, I mean. He reminds me of my mother. – Clarke was about to give her first bite to the pancakes in front of her, when Lexa's mother, Becca, decided to ask her something as well.

-So, Clarke, sweetie, did you bring something to wear tonight, at Lexa's party?

-Uhh… Yes, I brought clothes. – _But I'm thinking my clothes will not be good enough for you…_

-Did Lexa tell you to bring formal clothes?

-Not really… but I brought a dress to wear tonight. – Becca made a face when Clarke said the word dress.

-Is it ok if I give you one of my gowns to wear tonight? You seem to have the same measures as I have. After breakfast, you'll come with me upstairs, we'll choose the perfect gown for you. – it was not a question, Becca had just given her an order, but to Clarke it felt like an invitation. One that she could not say no to.

-Ok… - Clarke looked at Lexa once again, and she was articulating an "I'm sorry" without sound.

It seemed like all the questions had been made, so Clarke, finally, was able to have her first bite of the pancakes that Aden had made. Chocolate chip pancakes. The moment the food touched her tongue, she moaned without having any control over it. Thanks to God, the bickering between Aden and Anya had resumed, so her moaned was not audible to anyone but herself. So she thought…

-That good? – once again, Lexa was whispering in her ear. – Or were you just hungry? – Clarke's face went from slightly tanned, to red. Clarke swallowed the food in her mouth and looked at Lexa, hitting her in the shoulder.

-It was a bit of both, actually. Just so you know, I'm taking Aden to live with me when I move to Polis. He's going to be my cook. I promise to treat him perfectly fine.

-You came a little late for that, he's already claimed. He's coming to live with me, of course. But don't worry, I'll invite you over sometimes. – They were both laughing

-Excuse me, but I'm not an object! You can't claim me. – Aden had somehow heard their conversation. – I think I'll stay here, cooking for myself. Thank you very much. – Aden crossed his arms over his chest and sat up straight, as to show he had made his final decision.

-Ok _strikbro_ , it will be your missing. – Lexa ruffled Aden's hair and got up. Breakfast was over, so it seemed. Clarke was a little lost about what she was supposed to do at that moment. _I should_ _help cleaning, or at least offer my help to do it._ She was about to voice her question, when Lexa grabbed her forearm to get her attention. – Hey, we're going to the treehouse. – _Treehouse? Of course they have a treehouse._ – My mom will be busy for a little bit. She'll call you for the gown trying, don't worry.

-Ok- - Lexa didn't quite give her time to accept it, she just started pulling her through the living room and outside. Clarke had never seen her friend so eager. Lexa was so happy. Knowing that, warmed Clarke's heart. After all she had made Lexa go through, the only thing Clarke wanted, was for her to be happy, especially since it was her birthday.

Clarke hadn't yet seen the yard. It was beautiful and worthy of a queen visit. It was so green. There was a pool to the right, a really big pool. Just next to the pool, a little to the left was, what she thought to be, the area for the barbecue. It had a table, almost as big as the one they had in the living room, and a grill, all covered by an enormous sunblind, shielding the area from the heat of the sun. And there it was, away to the left, a strong and huge tree, with a little house on it. The house was petit, but beautiful in its own way. It even had windows, or so it seemed. It was painted with the same colors from the tree leaves, as to camouflage its existence.

-It's so cute. – Lexa made a proud smile.

-We build it. The three of us, and Lincoln. Come on, let's go inside. – Once again Lexa pulled Clarke with her.

As they were getting closer to the tree, Clarke started to notice a small detail from the house. It had no stairs. _How the hell am I going to get up there?_ Yes, she and Lexa were used to climb that old tree in the park, but this one was way higher. She was ok with the 6 feet she had to climb on the park's tree, but this tree seemed to be way higher, like at least 12 feet. _And there's no way I'm climbing that._

Lexa seemed to read Clarke's mind, or her face, because she turned to her. – I know it's high, but believe me, it will be worth it. Also, I'll help you all the way up, and down. There's no need to be scared.

-You're kidding, right? How high is that?

-I'll tell you once we get up there.

-Lexa! I'm not good at climbing! I'm that person that falls by stumbling on her own feet.

-I'm aware of that. I think I've seen that happening once. – Lexa was laughing, remembering that one time Clarke had fell while walking, only because she was uncoordinated by nature.

-It won't be that funny when I fall from that tree. – Lexa looked right into Clarke's eyes, no longer laughing.

-I would never let you fall. – And with those words, somehow, Clarke felt safe.

-Ok. But if anything happens, you cannot say I didn't warn you.

-We'll go in the end, first you'll see Anya and Aden climbing, that way you can see where to put your feet and hands.

Anya was the first one. She started running a little before reaching the tree, gaining impulse so that she could grab, not the first branch, but the third.

-What a show of! – Lexa booed her sister.

In less than three moves, Anya was at house.

Aden went next. – Don't worry Clarke, I'll do it slower, so that you can watch carefully. – And so he did. Aden jumped and grabbed the first branch, using his feet and upper strength to get on top of it. He got to the house slower, but still as easily as Anya. Clarke tried to memorize all the moves and the reentrances where to put her feet and her hands.

-It's our turn. – Lexa was smiling. – Come on, I'll help you get on top of the first branch. – Lexa intertwined her hands, as to Clarke use them as a stool. Clarke put one foot on Lexa's hands and got lifted enough to grab the first branch and get on top of it. Once she was there, Lexa backed away and did the same as Anya, running towards the tree and jumping to grab the third branch, pulling herself up so gracefully. Once up, she turned to Clarke and guided her through all the moves, helping her up at the end.

-See, it wasn't that hard.

-For you, because my heart is beating like a maniac. – Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand and placed it over her heart.

-Wow. It's beating incredibly fast. If you were this scared, it just makes you the bravest person here, because you still did it.

Once her heart calmed down, Clarke was able to appreciate everything around her, including the inside of the treehouse. It looked awesome, for lack of better words to describe it. It had 4 huge pillows, that were probably used as couches, big enough to sit 2 people. It had a rug covering the entire floor, so soft it made Clarke want to be barefoot. And, of course, it had a pile of warm blankets. It was basically a place where you could go to just get away.

-I think I now understand why you don't want stairs.

-No parents aloud up here. The no stairs policy was just to guarantee that. – Anya seemed proud of that policy, as it had been her idea.

Suddenly, music started to play inside the treehouse. Radio music. Clarke looked around and saw Aden with a portable battery radio. _The final touch to the house, music. It had to have music._

-We bought this radio because, although we all know how to play the guitar, not always we feel like doing it. – And leaning against the wall, was a rather old acoustic guitar.

-You all know how to play the guitar?

-Lexa is the better one, but we all know how to play at least one song. – Aden and Lexa looked at one another and started laughing, but Anya was not really amused with the conversation.

-Really funny guys… Not everyone can be artsy… - Clarke was slightly out to what they were talking about, and so, Lexa explained it to her.

-Anya only knows how to play one song, and she likes to play it very often. – Anya was now pushing Aden to ground and fighting him, mad that her little brother was laughing at her. – Let's sit, they'll be fighting for a while. – Lexa grabbed one of the pillows and took it with her, while grabbing Clarke to follow her. The house had a kind of balcony without handrails, open to the sky. Lexa dropped the pillow and fell on it, taking Clarke with her. Clarke falling on top of Lexa, both laughing.

-Lexa! Don't do that again, we could've fallen! – Although scared and a little mad, Clarke was feeling happy, and something else she was not ready to admit to. Being on Lexa's lap with her arms around her, hugging her so close, Clarke felt like she was in the right place, with all her skin tingling.

-Sorry… - Lexa let go of Clarke, letting her sit next to her, still on the same pillow. The tingling sensation was still there, because she was still incredibly close to Lexa. – I usually come up here to watch the stars. – Lexa was looking at the sky, marveled with the immensity of blue above her – Is it not beautiful?

-Uhuh… - Clarke agreed with Lexa, although she wasn't even looking at the sky. She was looking at her best friend. Not something, but someone. Someone beautiful. – I mean… Yes, the sky is beautiful. – Clarke realized she was staring at Lexa and immediately looked away, at the sky, what she was supposed to be looking at from the beginning. _I really have to stop doing this. What is wrong with me? I agreed, with myself, that I just want her as my friend. So why was I about to drool over her, literally?_

They were all up in the treehouse, listening to music and talking about nothing in specific. Anya and Aden had stopped fighting with each other, and had joined Lexa and Clarke on the balcony.

Titus was closed in his office, Lexa could see him from the treehouse, through the floor to ceiling window. He was sitting at his desk, probably screaming at the phone, in his all imposing way. Her mom was definitely getting the house ready for the guests. Lexa used to like her birthday, having all the aunts and uncles coming to see her and giving her presents… But with the years passing, she became older and not so fond of the parties her mom would throw for her. She would be expected to act and talk a certain way, that she didn't like at all. When she was a kid, people didn't ask her to be something she wasn't, but now they did, especially her father.

While lost in her thoughts, Aden, Anya and Clarke were discussing the possibility of going to the pool.

-What do you think Lexa? – Clarke nudge Lexa, to get her attention.

-What?

-Do you want to come swimming?

-I don't care if you're going or not. I'm going for sure. All this heat is starting to melt my skin. – Anya was already up.

-Me too! – Aden would spend days inside the pool if he could. Lexa thought he had been a fish in his pass life.

Aden and Anya were already racing each other down the tree and into the pool.

-You're not going? – Clarke was still sitting next to her, on the same pillow, looking at her. Lexa knew that face. Clarke was trying to read her, trying to decipher if she was ok. As always, her best friend had noticed that her mind wasn't present and that that was something troubling her. Lexa would never be able to hide something from Clarke.

-I just… I like being up here.

-Are you ok? You seem distant. You were so happy 10 minutes ago, what happened?

-Nothing. I was just thinking about the dinner party tonight.

-What about it?

-All my family is coming. I hate that. My father… He expects me to act this certain way… Let's just say that, although this is my birthday, this day is not about me, but about him. If I could, I would just spend the entire day up here, just hanging out, away from all that.

-So, that's why you don't invite friends to your party?

-Kind of. I don't want people to have to deal with these formal dinners with my snob family. If I hate it so much, why would I make my friends go through it? Sorry.

-Sorry? For what?

-You're here. I invited you to this. I didn't even warn you.

-Even if you had warned me, I would still be here. It's your birthday, I wanted to be with you.

-Thanks. Your presence will definitely make things better. We should probably go. – Lexa was starting to feel too close to Clarke. Her mind had spent the entire time reminding her that her skin was touching Clarke's, making it impossible to look at her best friend for more than 1 second. She would not trust herself to look at Clarke for that long, or she would end up kissing her, and that was something she was not eager to repeat. If they were to kiss again, Lexa would not be the one moving forward.

-Maybe we should… - Lexa could feel Clarke looking at her, like two knifes piercing through her neck. She decided to get up, helping Clarke up as well.

-Let's go. I promise, climbing down will be easier.

-Right… I almost forgot about that.

They went down, easily. As they were reaching the ground, Lexa's mom came to get Clarke. Lexa went with them. _No way I'm leaving her alone with my mom._

-Lexa, honey, there's no need for you to come with us. You already have your gown ready. Go join your brother and sister in the pool, Clarke will be back in a second. – Lexa looked at Clarke. Her friend was looking back at her, with a questioning look on her face, wondering why Becca wanted to be alone with her. The only answer Lexa was able to give was a shrugging of her shoulders.

(…)

Lexa was talking with her aunt Indra, her father's sister. The coldness ran on that side of the family. Her aunt was rambling about advocacy, or something like that, because Lexa was not paying any attention to it. She could see Lincoln and Anya talking happily about something she couldn't hear. Aden was in the corner with their cousin Luna. Lexa didn't quite like Luna, she always acted like she was better and superior than them. _But then again, with aunt Indra being her mother, I kind of understand where she got that trait._ Lexa was looking around the room, searching. Clarke. Clarke was the only person she wanted to see, but the only she wasn't finding. She remembered seeing her go upstairs to get changed. Lexa was already wearing her black gown. Her mom had chosen it for her, as always. It was beautiful, for sure, but Lexa didn't quite feel like herself in it. It was a strapless gown, tight around her waist, and then fluid the rest of the way down, slightly longer on the back. Lexa had to wear high heels, make up, and her hair up. She had spent the afternoon getting ready. Her mom would always hire someone to do the makeup and hair. Anya was also dressed properly, with a beautiful burgundy red gown, also long but with an intricate lace backless top. Aden was wearing a dark blue tuxedo with a bow tie, and Lincoln also wearing a tuxedo, a black one. But Clarke was nowhere to be found. Lexa was starting to get impatient. She had no idea what her best friend would be wearing tonight, since her mother hadn't let her see. Lexa was still to know how it had been with Clarke and her mom. They hadn't had time just the two, to talk about it.

-I'm rather proud of you. You made the right choice. – Lexa returned to the conversation, just in time to end it and move along to next family member.

-Thank you, aunt Indra. Now, if you excuse me. – Lexa escaped away from her aunt. She was about to reach the stairs, having decided to go look for Clarke, when her best friend appeared in her field of vision.

It was a moment worthy of a movie. Lexa looking up, her eyes locking with Clarke's. There she was. With a blue gown, but not just any blue. It had every shade of blue from Clarke's eyes. It started darker, like the blue Lexa had seen in Clarke's eyes before she had kissed her, and as it reached the floor, the blue would get lighter, seeming almost white. It looked like the sky, filled with the night stars already disappearing, as the sun started to rise. Beautiful didn't seem enough to describe it. The hair was pulled up, tied in an intricate bun. Lexa stared at her best friend the entire way down the stairs, completely lost in the view in front of her.

-Hi. – Clarke was smiling and blushing.

-Hi… -The sound that came out of Lexa's lips was supposed to be a word, but it came out as a long hoarse sigh.

-You look beautiful. – _Me? Have you looked at yourself?_

-I… You… - Lexa was having trouble regaining the ability of speaking. – I mean… You look breathtaking.

-I can see that. – Lexa laughed with Clarke. _Laughing at my stupidity seems the right thing to do._ – Have you remembered how to speak again?

-I'm perfectly capable of speaking. You just… You know. You surprised me. I wasn't expecting to see you coming down the stairs. I was about to go look for you. – _That was so believable… or not._

-And now I'm here.

-Yes. And you look beautiful.

-This gown is beautiful. Your mom's entire closet was beautiful, to be honest.

-Her closet is filled with clothes, like that gown, that she has never used.

-So, that's why she offered me this one. This is beautiful, but, like I told her, I can't accept this. This must be as expensive as my car. – Clarke was mesmerized, looking at what she was wearing. – I mean, I can't still believe that I'm wearing this.

-If she offered you that, you should accept it. It will make her happy, if you do.

-I'll think about it then. I just don't think I'll ever have another opportunity to use it.

-You never know. – Lexa extended her hand. – Ready to confront my family?

-I was born ready. – Clarke made a strong face, but Lexa was able to see it in her eyes, that her friend was actually quite terrified.

(…)

Clarke was having a random conversation with Aden, while watching, over Aden's shoulder, Lexa saying goodbye to her aunt Indra. _What a cold person… And her daughter, Luna… Hot, but so cold. I think the ice definitely runs in the family._ The night had gone by before she could notice. It had been an amazing party, with great food and with not that nice conversations. Lexa's family, from Titus' side, was very blatant about what they thought of people, and were proud to tell it to Clarke's face. Clarke never felt so happy to have a "normal" family. _My mom looks like an angel, compared with these people._ At some point during the party, the "kids", had joined all together, talking about "kids' stuff", Clarke had discovered, Lexa's cousin, Luna, was going to Polis too, to the same college as Lexa. Lexa did not look thrilled to find that out. For what Clarke was able to understand, Luna and Lexa, had always had some kind of rivalry, one that was fed form their parents. Titus and Indra had passed their rivalry to their kids.

-Clarke? Are you here? I totally lost you. – Aden had realized Clarke was no longer listening to him, and was now following her eyes, trying to see what had caught her attention. – Lexa. Of course, …

-What? – Clarke was so lost in her thoughts and in Lexa, that she forgot about Aden, that was now, at her side, looking at Lexa as well.

-Why are you looking at my sister like that?

-Like what? I'm not. I was just… looking.

-Right… If you say so… - Aden was an observant person. _Too observant._

Lexa was coming back inside the house, her face filled with weariness.

-Hey. What are you two doing?

-Clarke was looking at you, so I just joined her. – _What?! Aden! I can't believe this kid just said that…_

-We were just talking, actually. How are you feeling?

-Tired of being in this dress. Exhausted of pretending to be someone else. – Clarke understood Lexa perfectly, because she was feeling exactly the same. - I'm ready to start the real party.

-Real party? What do you mean? – Clarke was, once again, lost in a sibling's conversation. Aden was already undoing his bowtie, and taking his shoes off. Lexa was untying her hair. A wave of beautiful brown curls came crashing on her shoulders.

-Now, the "kids"' party starts. – Aden even made the air quotes. – We'll go to the tree house and we'll drink and talk. I will mostly talk.

-You're not old enough yet _strikbro._ \- Lexa ruffled Aden's hair, but not even that seemed to make him happy about the not drinking problem. – Let's get out of these gowns and put something comfortable. Pajamas.

-Now that, I want. This shoes are killing me. You should've warned me about these, not your family. – With that they both laughed and went upstairs to Lexa's room.

The moment they got inside the bedroom, Lexa turned her back to Clarke.

-Please, help me unzip the dress. – Clarke had no idea why, but the simple fact of watching the dress flowing down Lexa's back, made her mouth go dry. – Now I'll help you with yours. – It took Clarke a moment to move again, turning around. Lexa's hands were warm and steady. Clarke's bag was already in Lexa's bedroom, although she hadn't put it there. While still holding, her dress up, to not let it fall, Clarke grabbed her pajamas from her bag. Lexa in the other hand, was walking around looking for hers, only in her black bra and panties. Her friend was really confident in her body, and had all the reasons to be. _If my body looked like that, I would not have a problem walking around in my underwear._

When they were finally comfortable in their pajamas, they went downstairs and then outside. Clarke could hear Lincoln and Anya in the tree house, as well as music. Climbing the tree was, once again, a huddle of emotions. It was only when Clarke reached the top and saw Lincoln, that she remembered she hadn't talked with him yet. She was planning on doing it, but then a lot of stuff happened that had kept Her from even thinking about it. But now there he was, looking at her, without his usual smile. _It looks like he's still not happy with me._ Clarke was about to say something to him, when Lexa moved in front of her.

-You. We need to talk. – Lexa was all tense. Clarke grabbed her arm, trying to pull Lexa closer, to stop her from doing, or saying something reckless. – You had no right. Do you hear me? Just because you've known me for years, that does not give you the right to do what you did! You didn't know everything. And I am more than capable of talking for myself!

-I didn't do anything wrong. I just told her what you should've told her, if you had the guts!

- _Shof op!_ I'm perfectly capable of fighting my own battles! And you have no right to act like you know what I want.

-Fine! I was just trying to protect you.

-I don't need protection. And you, of all people, should know that. – Lincoln was a rather strong guy, but somehow, he seemed rather small when interacting with Lexa, especially with her being all tense and mad. – What happened was between me and Clarke, so it was to stay between us. I don't want you to ever do something like that again.

-If that's what you want… I was just doing what I thought was right. You looked terri- - Lincoln didn't finish his sentence. – You're right. I didn't know the all story, so I shouldn't have done anything.

-Exactly. But even if you did, it was between us.

-You're right. I'm sorry. – This time, Lincoln was no longer talking to Lexa, but to Clarke. – I'm sorry for the way I acted, and for what I said.

-Thanks. I know I didn't act right, but I was… I made things right. We made things right.

The atmosphere was super tense and dark, when Aden got to the treehouse.

-I hope you haven't started without me! – Aden was a little ray of sunshine. The moment Lexa heard her brother's voice, she started to relax, coming closer to Clarke. – Did I miss something? Lexa? You seem mad. What happened?

-Nothing, _strikbro_. We were just acting like grownups for a little bit. But that's over now. You ready to party? – Anya, that had been quiet in her place, just admiring the arguing like if it was a soap opera, decided to talk.

-Of course! I brought snacks.

Things calmed down and went back to normal rather quickly. In less than 10 minutes they were all laughing like if nothing had ever happened. Drinking and dancing like if there was no tomorrow. Aden was a really good singer and dancer, he knew all the lyrics and all the moves. Anya in the other hand preferred to eat, drink and mess with Aden's dance moves. Lincoln had good moves as well. Lexa was perfect at dancing, like she was at pretty much everything. The alcohol ran in their veins, making them dance really close. Clarke had her back turned to Lexa and she was dancing against her. Lexa had her hands skimming Clarke's waist, never touching her but following its moves.

Around four in the morning, Aden went to bed. A little later, Lincoln and Anya followed him, and went to bed as well.

Clarke and Lexa, found themselves laying on top of the pillows, in the treehouse, close to each other, looking at the stars. Clarke was in a state of haze, with all her body numb except for her core, that had spent the entire night burning, making her think of things she didn't want to. Clarke had her face buried in Lexa's neck, completely fuddled with Lexa's smell. They had never been that close. And that was when she did it. The next morning, she would probably blame on the alcohol, but in that moment, her mind was screaming for her to do it. So, she did it. Her lips brushed against Lexa's neck, gently and softly at first, as if she was afraid to get them burned, but then harder and hungrier, as she started to roam closer to Lexa's jawbone. At first, Lexa didn't move, only tensing, but the moment Clarke reached for something more, Lexa gave it to her. Lexa came on top of Clarke, crashing their lips together, finally. This time the kiss was real, Clarke was moving and searching for more, her hands coming to grab Lexa's side, pulling her closer. The kiss was messy and passionate, hungry and eager for more. Lexa's hands reached Clarke's neck, grabbing her hair.

In the midst of it all, Lexa stopped. They stared at each other, breathing heavily and rapidly. Clarke lost herself in the deep forest of Lexa's eyes. That green was so captivating, always changing, so dark at that moment. Lexa was reading Clarke's face, trying to understand what was happening.

-Are you sure? – Those three little words just made Clarke fall deeper in those eyes, in the lust, in that scent, in everything. Their lips crashed once again, and Lexa didn't stop it anymore.

The only thing crossing Clarke's mind was Lexa. They kissed until they had to breathe again. Lexa started kissing Clarke everywhere. Starting by only skimming, without touching, making Clarke squirm under her, to finally tracing paths in Clarke's neck with kisses. Some were hungrier and Clarke knew they would leave a mark the next day. While her lips came to reach Clarke's earlobe, her hands moved further as well, coming to rest under Clarke's breasts. They stayed there for a while, as to ask for permission. When permission was conceded, Lexa bit Clarke's earlobe, pulling it slightly, at the same time, her thumbs brushed against Clarke's nipples, making her writhe under Lexa. Every little thing Lexa did, it just made the heat in Clarke's core intensify. Lexa's hands went back to Clarke's waist, only to come back up, but under Clarke's shirt. While her hands were coming up, Lexa's lips were moving down, already in Clarke's collarbone. Lexa was being as gentle and slower as she could, giving Clarke all the time to say no, if she wanted. When Clarke felt Lexa's thumbs touch her breasts, this time skin with skin, everything stopped. Her mind woke up and her core stopped burning. _I'm not ready. Not like this._ Lexa felt it and stopped right away.

-Are you ok? Did I go to fast? I'm sorry. – Lexa's face was filled with worry.

-I'm ok. No, it's not that. I just… Could we just… I don't think I'm ready for more…

-Ohh. That's perfectly fine. If you're not ready, then I'll stop. – Lexa moved away, coming to lay beside Clarke, instead of on top of her.

-It's not that I'm not enjoying it, because, believe me, I am. I just… I don't want this to happen while I'm not completely sober.

-You do well to think like that. We don't have to do anything you're not ready for.

-Can we just cuddle.

-Of course. – Clarke moved closer to Lexa, snuggling her nose in Lexa's neck. Lexa put one harm around Clarke, holding her close, and with the other hand, she grabbed a blanket that was nearby, pulling it to cover them from the cool breeze of the night.

Clarke fell asleep right away, something she never did, her mind being peacefully, instead of drowning with thoughts. Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead, before closing her eyes as well. They didn't know why what happened had happened, but they knew it was something that felt right, and that they had time in the future to talk about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Lexa woke up with the sun burning through her eyelids. It was way too soon. Lexa was now regretting the choice of sleeping outside. She then turned to her left side, to find Clarke still sleeping, remembering exactly why she had decided to sleep outside. Clarke had never looked so peaceful, with her eyes still closed, all her face's muscles were relaxed, not even her little wrinkles, from when she smiled, were showing. Lexa could feel herself starting to fall for her best friend, and she had no idea how to stop that from happening. _Why? Why do I have to fall for her? So many girls in the world… But no one like her…_ While Lexa was lost in her thoughts, Clarke started to quiver, searching for Lexa. Cold hands found its way under Lexa's shirt, making her startle. Lexa held Clarke closer, giving her what she wanted, body warm. The night was gone, but the sun was not strong enough yet to send heat.

-I'm right here… - Lexa spoke quietly, trying not to wake Clarke up.

-I'm freezing. – Lexa was not expecting an answer. _She's awake? And she's still this close to me? And she's sober? And she's still here?_ Lexa's mind started to wonder too loud.

-You're awake? Did I wake you?

-No. This freezing cold woke me. – Clarke had her eyes still closed, and her hands still under Lexa's shirt, with her body glued to Lexa, trying to get as much heat as she could.

-You do know your hands are freezing, right?

-Sorry… - Clarke started snuggling her nose into Lexa's neck, making Lexa completely forget about the cold hands. – It's just that you're very ho- I mean warm.

-I'm what? – Lexa knew exactly what her friend had said, and she was about to make it impossible for her to ever forget about it. – Did you just say I'm hot?

-Nope. I said you were warm, as in, your body has heat enough to keep me warm. Stop being so cocky.

-You think I'm hot. You think I'm hot. Sooo hot. – Lexa was now singing, still trying to joke with Clarke. – It's totally ok, I'll accept your compliment. That I'm hot.

-If you don't shut up, I'll have to show you how cold the other parts of my body are. Such as my feet. – Clarke started touching Lexa's legs with her feet. _If that could even be called feet. It feels like two blocks of ice!_

-Clarke! Stop! You're freezing! You're a block of ice. Is your blood even running? Are you dead!? – Lexa had to defend herself, finding a way to immobilize Clarke. She was now on top of Clarke, grabbing both her hands over her head and keeping pressure on her legs, to hold her down. – I won! Ha ha! – While Lexa was bragging about her victory, Clarke moved up, coming to kiss Lexa, on the lips. Lexa was totally caught by surprise, which gave Clarke the advantage to switch positions. Lexa was now under Clarke, with both her hands over her head, kept there by Clarke's hands.

-I'm sorry, I didn't hear you well. Did you say you won? Because, from where I'm standing, it doesn't quite look like that. – Clarke had a mischievous smile on her face. Lexa was still with her mind frozen, on the fact that Clarke, had just kissed her.

-You… You played dirty. Kissing the opponent as a distraction is not fair game. You would be disqualified. Making me, still the winner. Also, if I wanted, I could totally switch positions with you. But maybe, this was my plan all along, to be under you.

-I'm loving all the excuses you're finding. But the actual truth is, I won.

-If that helps you sleep at night…

-Really? If you say you can switch positions, then do it. I'm waiting. – Lexa was laughing at Clarke, but the moment she heard that, she went serious, locking eyes with Clarke.

-Are you challenging me? Are you sure you want to do that?

-Yup. – Clarke was feeling pretty sure that Lexa wouldn't be able to turn the game around, but in less than a few seconds, Lexa proved her wrong, and was now using her entire body to press Clarke down.

-Are you still sure? – Lexa was about to kiss Clarke's neck, when her friend started to move under her, trying to escape her.

-Ok, you won. But now, we should probably get down. My mother will be expecting me home, before lunch. – It was like Clarke had switched off, closing herself to Lexa. _Maybe I did something wrong… I pushed too far._

-You're right. My father might be about to wake up, and I don't want him to know that we spend the night up here. – So, she did the same, she closed herself. She muffled her thoughts deep down in the darkest corner of her mind. It was something she did pretty often.

And just like that the atmosphere changed, going back, as if they hadn't spent the night holding each other. As if they hadn't kissed, just 2 minutes before. Clarke had that capability, of closing herself up, whenever she felt unsure about something, or when she was afraid to get hurt, something they had in common. Lexa just felt like screaming. _Why don't you talk with me?! I'm right here! I'm not going to hurt you!_

They went back to Lexa's bedroom, so Clarke could pack her stuff and get dressed.

In a twinkling of an eye, Lexa was watching Clarke leave. They said goodbye to each other, not knowing exactly when they would see each other again, both knowing that responsibilities and families would get in the way for the next weeks.

Lexa felt numb. The tingling sensation was still there, all the memories of their make out session, but the loudest one was the one from when Clarke had shut down completely. Lexa was lost, not knowing exactly what to feel. She was thrilled, because they had kissed, they had kissed for real, with passion, but at the same time Clarke had seemed so distant at the end. _Maybe she only did it because she was drunk._ This last thought just wouldn't leave Lexa's mind.

(…)

One week had passed, of meaningless and slightly weird sporadic conversations, only through text messages. There was one time that Clarke called Lexa, only to tell her that she would be out of the country for three weeks, with her parents.

Those three weeks, Lexa spent them trying to enjoy the summer with her siblings. Going to the beach and to the cinema sometimes, spending afternoons by the pool or in the three house, reading or simply sunbathing. She found herself going out to run or to go to the gym, with more frequency. She read all the Harry Potter books for the hundredth time and saw the movies as well. She helped her little brother with his homework and she even tried to spend time with Anya, although her sister had just spent that time annoying her. Anya could be really weird in the way she shown she loved someone.

Never three weeks took so long to pass. Although, she had to admit that, there were a few days, when she was so entertained, that time had flown by.

By the third week, Clarke called Lexa through skype, surprising her completely. Lexa was scrolling through Tumblr, sitting on her bed, when she got the call.

-Hiii! Surprise!

-Hi. I didn't even remember skype existed. Where are you? – Lexa could see Clarke was inside, probably her hotel room. Her skin tone was way darker, highlighting the blue in her eyes. Clarke had the biggest smile in her face, which made Lexa feel happy and warm.

-I'm in my hotel room. I just wanted to see you, just to check on you. See if you were still alive. Don't want you to die from boredom without me to cheer you up.

-I'm still breathing. And I'm not bored. I have been enjoying the summer. – _Not as much as if I was with you…_ But Lexa would never admit that to her friend.

-Yeah, I can see that… - Clarke was not convinced with her answer.

-What? It's true. I am having fun. – It was true, she had been having fun, but in that day Lexa was indeed feeling bored.

-Lexa, I can see that you're in your bed. You were probably in your computer, just scrolling through Tumblr. – _Busted…_

-Ok, that was creepy… But don't need to worry, I am enjoying the summer. I was just waiting for Lincoln. We're going to the beach. – That was a lie. Lincoln was with his parents.

-I hope you are. – Clarke's smile lost its intensity. – I miss you… - Clarke was looking straight into Lexa's eyes. For a moment, it almost seemed like she was right in front of her, like she could actually touch her.

-I miss you too. – The once light atmosphere was now serious. They looked at each other in silence. Both not wanting to say what they were really feeling. They didn't have to, it was all over their eyes. Although they were both still ignoring it, in that moment of silence, miles and miles away from each other, the clear blue sky from Clarke's eyes reached the vivid green forest from Lexa's eyes, and they just knew. But they still decided to ignore it for a few months longer.

-Well, I've got to go. See you in…?

-Probably three weeks? When I return home. I won't be here when you come back.

-Then, see you in three weeks. – And with that, the screen went black. Clarke was gone again. _At least she seemed happy, that's good._ Their call had been weird, Lexa's mind spent the next hours going through all the possibilities for Clarke's random call. _Why did she call me? Just to tell me she missed me? Do friends do that? Of course, they do. Because it's true, we miss each other, we're friends, that's understandable. Right?_

-Who were you talking to? – Lexa's thoughts were shut off. Anya had just entered her room, without knocking. _As always…_

-Clarke. Skype. – _Maybe if I answer shortly, she'll understand that I'm not in the mood for a conversation._

-Uuhh… You called Clarke? – _Or maybe not…_ It seemed that her sister was there to stay.

-Nope. She called me.

-Wow… I wasn't expecting that. Nice work _sis_! What did she want? – _Why is it nice work?_

-Nothing really…

-She called you to tell you nothing? – Lexa had no idea how to answer that question.

-Well… Kind of. She just wanted to see how I was going, I guess.

-That was nice of her. – Anya had that face of hers, that she only had when she was thinking, or trying to figure out something.

-Why do you have that face?

-What face?

-You know, the face you have when you're thinking.

-I don't make a face! This is my normal face. – The face was gone.

-Right… So, why are you here? – Lexa was trying to make her sister get out of her room, but without telling it directly to her.

-Relax _sis_ … I'll be right out. – Anya started to move back, with her arms up, in a mock surrender. – I was just checking if you hadn't gone nuts. I heard you talking.

-Ok… But now you know I'm not going nuts, so-

-Yeah yeah. I'm on my way out. No need to worry. – Anya was already out of her room, when she sneaked her head inside again. – One last thing, you should start packing. Mom said we'll leave early tomorrow.

-Wait. What do you mean tomorrow? We weren't supposed to leave for another two days.

-I know, but father said we must advance our family trip, so we can end it earlier as well. He has a meeting in three weeks.

-Ok. Thanks for letting me know. Has Aden started as well?

-He finished already.

-Why didn't mom tell me about this? – Lexa was always the first one to know things. She was finding it strange, that her mom hadn't tell her anything.

-She might have told me to let you know, because you might have been working out, or jogging outside. Probably two days ago.

-And let me guess, you totally forgot about it.

-You know me _sis_. Sorry. I haven't started packing either. – Of course she hadn't. Anya was a person to always leave things for the last minute.

-That's ok. I'll start packing. When are we leaving tomorrow? Like, how early?

-I think mom said we had to be at the airport, around 6 in the morning. – _6?!_ Lexa liked waking up early, she was used to do it, for her morning run, but she would probably have to wake up around 4. And that was way too early, even for her.

-Thanks An. – And finally, Anya left her room. Lexa had now, stuff to do, so, of course, the first thing she did was close her computer, and slide under the blanket. She stayed there, in the dark, away from the world, gathering the strength to get out of the bed. It was almost lunch time, and she had spent the entire morning on her bed, doing nothing. It was one of those days, when she was the laziness in person. She had been planning on doing nothing for the entire day, but now she had to move, and be a normal person. _Ok, here I go. Let's get out of bed._ And with that, she uncovered herself, coming into a sitting position. Before leaving her bed, her mind made a list of all the things she had to do until the end of the day.

(…)

The next morning, as the plane was taking off, Lexa could feel herself getting lighter. She had decided that, for the next three weeks, she wouldn't let her thoughts run her emotions. _No more overthinking about Clarke. Family time._

Clarke had just landed back home, and she was already wishing she could go back. Home meant responsibilities and overthinking. She wanted more free time. But of course, her mother didn't think the same way, and she made it very clear, while in the car, on their way back to the house.

-Clarke, tomorrow I want you to start looking for a solution regarding your place to live, while in college. When I get back home I'll go through your options with you. You should take into account the proximity to the college, and of course, the rent or price they ask for. It's not like we're poor, but-

-I know mother. Don't worry. – Clarke just wanted her mother to be quiet. _Just for a little more time, until we get home, please…_

-Also, if it's possible, once you know in which college you got in, try and see the people in your classes. We might know someone. – It seemed like her mother was not going to stop any time soon. So, she did what she usually did. She muffled her mother's voice with her own thoughts.

It was 2 in the morning, Clarke was exhausted from the trip, and the only thing she was thinking at that moment was her bed, her room, the quiet and darkness of her room. Lexa had sent her a text saying her trip had started earlier, so she was no longer in their little city. She was going to spend the next three weeks alone. It was not like she didn't know any other people besides Lexa, but she didn't feel like socializing with any of the girls from her class. She had always felt like an outsider in her class, not having quite someone she could really relate to, until she met Lexa, who was not from her class. _Weird_. Every time she thought about that, she just found it even weirder. After a few months of friendship, Lexa had told her they had actually met for the first time in her cousin's, Luna, birthday party. Clarke remembered that night.

 _"_ _Clarke was entering the house, not sure yet why she had decided to come to that party. It was not like the birthday girl would notice if she hadn't shown up. She couldn't even remember the name of the girl._ I guess I'll find out once they sing her happy birthday. _Clarke smiled at her own joke. She had decided to wear her blue summer dress. It was a pretty casual choice, but since she wasn't planning on staying for too long, she didn't think she needed to care about what she was wearing. The house was spacious, and it was filled with people from her school. Clarke was pretty sure, that the entire school was there. Her mother had almost forced her to go to the party, saying that she needed to let go. Clarke thought it was weird coming from her mother, but she also knew that, the real reason was her friend Wells. It had been 2 years since her best friend had died, and Clarke was having a hard time dealing with that. She knew it was more than time to start to let go, but words were always easier than actions. So, here she was, in a stranger's house, without really knowing what to do. Clarke was looking around, trying to decide if she should go get something to drink, or if she should just find some place quiet to sit down, when someone bumped, rather abruptly, into her. She was about to ask for an apology when, her blue eyes met the greenest eyes she had ever seen, for the first time._

 _-I'm so sorry. Are you ok? – Clarke must've looked completely dumb or out of herself, because the stranger still had her hand on her arm, trying to get a response form Clarke. – Did I hurt you? Hey… Can you hear me?_

 _-I'm- I mean, I'm fine, thanks. – The girl's face relaxed a little, making the little wrinkles on her forehead disappear, which only made the girl look even more beautiful. – You should be more careful, you almost knocked me down._

 _-I know, that's why I said I was sorry. – The girl was looking at her intensely, making Clarke feel slightly uncomfortable. – What's your name?_

 _-What? – Why was that girl interested in that?_

 _-You don't want to tell me your name? That's ok. I'm Lexa. – The girl, Lexa, reached her hand out to Clarke._

 _-I'm Clarke. – She did the same and they shake hands. The action in itself felt weird, but Lexa's hand was so warm and firm, that Clarke forgot about the weirdness of the situation._

 _-Nice to meet you Clarke. So, do you know my cousin? –_ What now!? Why the hell is she asking me about her cousin? Is this girl crazy? Why would I know her cousin, I just met her? _–_ _Do you know Luna? This is kind of her party. – There it was, the name of the birthday girl, and the reason Lexa was asking about her cousin._

 _-Not really, to be honest. – Clarke felt a little embarrassed about that._

 _-That's ok. I think the majority of the people in this house, have no idea from whom this party is. They're all probably waiting for the happy birthday song, to find out her name. – At that Clarke laughed. – What's so funny?_

 _-I had just thought that, not moments ago, because I had no idea what her name was. – Lexa laughed too._

 _-It seems we're synced. – Lexa went back to staring at Clarke with an intense face, her little wrinkles on her forehead reappearing again. – You seem familiar. Have we bumped into each other before? –_ I don't think so, I would remember if we had, your face is too beautiful to forget. _But Clarke kept that thought to herself._

 _-I think this is the first time we've bumped into each other, but you've probably seen me at school. I'm thinking you're from the same school as your cousin._

 _-That must be it. So, ar- - Lexa was about to ask something to Clarke when another girl jumped at Lexa._

 _-Lexa! I found you! – Clarke didn't recognize the girl, but she could see that she was rather drunk, and holding herself really close to Lexa, and Lexa didn't seem to mind, so she must've known the girl._

 _-Hey Costia! Have you been drinking? – Lexa was now supporting the girl's weight, so she wouldn't fall._

 _-Nooo… I've been with your cousin, she's really nice. – At the mention of her cousin, Clarke could see Lexa tensing._ Looks like someone doesn't like her cousin.

 _-I think it's time for me to take you home. – Clarke was now feeling like a third wheel in that conversation. She was about to say something when Lexa turned to her. – I'm really sorry. As you can see, my friend is slightly drunk, so I'm taking her home. It was nice to meet you, Clarke. – It was just now, that Clarke noticed the way her own name sounded coming from Lexa's lips. It was like she popped the "K" with her tongue. Clarke was mesmerized by it._

 _-Nice to meet you too, Lexa. – And with that, Lexa grabbed Costia by the waist and took her outside. Clarke stood there, just seeing Lexa disappear._

 _After that she decided to stay just a little while at the party, just so her mother wouldn't nag her about coming home too early. After the cake, Clarke went home."_

It was only 2 years after that night, that Lexa and Clarke had "bumped" into each other again. So, of course, the more Clarke thought about the circumstances of their friendship, the weirder it seemed to get. Her thoughts were silenced once she felt the car's handbrake being pulled, meaning that they had just reached their house. Her mother was still talking.

-… so, that's what you should look for. Did you hear me Clarke? – Her mother looked back at her.

-Yes, mother. – She hadn't heard a thing, but she knew what her mother had been talking about. _More of the same…_

(…)

The three weeks passed rather fast, Clarke tried to keep herself busy. Lexa would sometimes send her pictures of her on the places she visited, but they never called or texted each other, until the day Lexa returned.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

The plane just touched the ground! I'm home. Did you miss me? J

Clarke smiled at the screen while reading the text, and answered immediately.

 **Clarke:**

I did. My mother spent this three weeks nagging me about college. Can we meet tomorrow?

Clarke was hoping for a reason to get out of the house, to get away from her mother, and from all things related to college. The colocations would be out any day that week, so, as expected, her mother spent every hour of every day, asking her the same question. _As if I wouldn't tell her the moment I knew._ Her phoned buzzed, and she knew it was Lexa.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I wish I could… L but my mom wants to get everything ready for college. She says we only have one week left, and that that is not enough. She's freaking out about not being able to do everything.

Clarke felt bummed, she was really counting on her friend to get her away from her responsibilities, but it seemed that her friend had those as well.

 **Clarke:**

L It looks like we'll probably only see each other again, once we're in Polis. Once you know if you got in, I want to know!

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

Of course! The same for you, I want to know as well.

(…)

-Dad! – Clarke had been on her computer for the last 20 minutes, just clicking the refresh button, waiting for the colocations results. – Dad! – Her dad was the only one already home, since it was too early for her mother to be home. – Dad! I got in! – Her dad came running into her room.

-You did?! That's amazing sweetie! I'm so proud of you. I always knew you would get it. – Jake Griffin moved forward, coming to hold her daughter in a thigh embrace. They stayed hugging each other for a while. – You should text your mother, she will be thrilled with the news.

-I will. – Her dad moved back, kissing her in the cheek.

-We should celebrate tonight. What do you want for dinner? – Clarke smiled – Let me guess, pizza?

-You know me so well dad.

-Pizza it is! And ice cream! Today, everything for my favorite daughter.

-I'm your only daughter.

-True, but still my favorite. – Jake messed Clarke's hair before turning away to leave her room. – I'll be downstairs if you need me.

Clarke was felling thrilled, like she was capable of doing anything she wanted, even flying. She grabbed her phone and threw herself over the bed. She knew she had to call her mother, but she wanted to tell Lexa the news first, so that was what she did. Still with a smiled on her face and feeling all giddy, Clarke sent a text to Lexa.

 **Clarke:**

I got in! :D

She was about to call her mother when Lexa texted her back.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

Me too! I'm so ecstatic. My mom hasn't stopped hugging and kissing me. And now she moved to the crying part. She has come to realize that I "will be leaving the nest". How did your mother react? She must be super proud of you.

 **Clarke:**

I haven't told her yet, but my dad was really happy, and promised me pizza and ice cream for dinner J

She didn't wait for Lexa to answer back, and decided to call her mother.

-Clarke? Is that you? Is everything ok? – Her mother's voice sounded worry.

-Yes, mother. I'm calling you to let you know that… I got in! – Clarke screamed at the phone.

-Clarke, please don't scream, I don't want to go deaf. I'm really proud of you. So, now we can go forward with the option A. You should call that residence to let them know you want to stay there. – Her mother went straight into responsibilities, no feelings showed.

-Mother… - Clarke realized it wouldn't be worth to contradict her mother. – I'll call them. Dad said we would have pizza and ice cream for dinner tonight, to celebrate.

-That doesn't seem healthy. But, since we're celebrating… - They were in an awkward silence for a while. It was like her mother was trying to find the right words to tell her something. Those words never came. – I'll see you later. I have to get back to work.

Her mother turned off and Clarke felt empty. _No. I'm not going to let her steal my happiness. I did it. I deserve to be happy._ And with that, Clarke read Lexa's new text.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

My mother is cooking my favorite as well, steak with egg on top, and cheesecake for desert. I think she's trying to get me fat before I leave. Ahah

Clarke smiled at the screen, trying to picture Lexa fat was something almost impossible. _That girl will never be fat, with all the exercise she does…_

She spent the afternoon, getting the things from "option A" ready, that meant calling the residence to let them know she would take the room. They told her, that the room originally planned, was already occupied, so she would have to share one with other two girls. Clarke accepted it anyway, it was a good offer and she wouldn't mind sharing a room. _That way it will be easier to make friends?_ The man on the other side of the line gave her the names of the girls she would share her room with. Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake. Clarke tried to look for them on Facebook, but with no success. _It looks like I'll have to wait for three more days._

Her last three days in that little town, she spent them trying to make the most of those last moments with her family, she would definitely miss the usual dinners with her dad every week, and her bedroom, and that little town, but she wouldn't miss anything else. She knew her mother wouldn't let her miss her. Abby Griffin would call her daughter every day to check on her, for sure. Lexa must've spent those last three days doing the same, because there were no texts from her, and Clarke chose not to text her friend neither. _We'll have time to be together, once we get to Polis._

(…)

Clarke was reaching the residence in Polis. The car trip had been too long, she could no longer feel her butt. All she wanted was to get to her room and start to settle her things.

-Please… Mom, dad, don't come inside. I can take my stuff with me, alone. I don't want you to come. It'll be awkward, and unnecessary.

-Clarke, don't be stubborn. What's wrong with us coming inside with you? It's totally predictable, it's your first day, you'll need help settling in. – Her mother was having troubles understanding that she didn't want them with her. _I'm going to look like a little girl, with my parents right beside me…_

-Abby, honey, your daughter doesn't want to look like the freshman she is. She's a grownup, she won't need our help. Besides, if she does, we'll be in Polis until tomorrow. – Her dad winked at her, as to let her know that he was on her side.

-Are you sure, Clarke? – Her mother looked at her as well, once again, as if she looked one more time, Clarke would change her mind.

-Yes, mother. I'll be ok. If I need anything from you, I'll call you. – It seemed that her mother had finally let go.

-Ok. You have money with you, and your father transferred money into your account.

With that, Clarke got out of the car, stretching her arms and legs. Her parents got out as well, and helped her get her stuff out of the car. Once she had all her bags, she said goodbye to her parents, and watched the car disappear. She didn't let herself cry. _There's no need for tears, they'll be only a few hours away._

She was loaded with bags, so the walk to her room was a slow and hard one. Room 7 on the third floor. _Thanks to God, there's an elevator._ She reached her door, where the numbers 307 could be seen. The door was half opened, and Clarke used her foot to open it wide. Her roommates were not inside, but their stuff was there. They had already chosen their beds, leaving Clarke, the last one to get there, to stay with last bed available. The room was bigger than the pictures on the internet. It had three beds, three secretaries and three closets, one for each. The two girls had chosen the beds that were closest to each other, leaving the bed furthest from the door to Clarke. She dropped her stuff on the bed and went to check the rest of her room. The girls had left the secretary turned to the window for her, and she mentally thanked them for that. Her closet was the one right next to her secretary, so she started unpacking. They had a shared bathroom with the room next to theirs, but Clarke noticed that both the showers and the toilets had doors separating it from the rest of the bathroom.

She was hanging her clothes, when two loud voices entered the room.

-Whoa. Octavia, we have an intruder! I told you not to leave the door open. – Clarke turned around to see the origin from the voices. – A sexy intruder. Nice… - Clarke felt the heat on her cheeks. The girl talking seemed Latina, she had darker skin, and she was beautiful.

-Raven, calm stamina down a little. You'll scare our roommate away. – The other girl was a little shorter and skinnier, but still had a powerful presence. They both looked like they could cause some serious damage to anyone who would cross their path. – Hi. You must be Clarke Griffin. – _It's your turn to speak, say something!_

-Hi. Yes, I'm Clarke. You weren't in when I got here, so I thought I should just get the bed that was empty.

-Hope that's ok with you, it's just that we know each other, so we wanted to stay closer.

-It's ok, I actually prefer this bed.

-So, Griffin, where are you from? We're both from the north. Me and my buddy Octavia have known each other for almost two years now. – Raven was a captivating and straight forward person. Clarke couldn't take her eyes out of her when she was talking.

-I'm from the south. What are you guys studying?

-Mechanical Engineering. But I also love Chemistry.

-She pretty much likes to make stuff go "Boom".

-Hey! That was my line.

-Sorry not sorry. – Raven crossed her arms and made her best pout. – You can pout all you want, it doesn't affect me anymore, and you know it. – At that Raven gave up and decided to start unpacking. It was only then, that Clarke noticed the brace on Raven's leg. – I'm studying sports. – Octavia noticed where Clarke was looking, and so did Raven after the silence being installed.

-Yeah… It was a rough accident.

-What? I mean… Sorry. I didn't mean-

-That's ok. You actually surprised me. It took you longer than most people to notice it.

-I only noticed it, once you walked. – Clarke felt bad for looking. But Raven didn't show any sign of remorse or shame.

-So, Clarke, what are you studying? – Clarke was about to answer, when Raven stopped her. – No. Wait. Let me guess. You look like… Maybe… You must be studying medicine.

-How? – Clarke felt astonished. – Is that transparent and obvious? Do I look that studious?

-Nope. You look hot. But the books on your secretary gave you away. – Raven laughed and Clarke followed her. – You should've seen your face.

Once the ice was broken, the conversation between them started to flow easier. Both Octavia and Raven were people easy to talk to.

They decided to order pizza and eat dinner in their room. Clarke was with her mouth full of pizza, when Raven exploded with joy.

-There's a party tomorrow night! We have to go! It's like this party to welcome all the freshman to Polis.

-Did you have to scream? You made spill my drink… - Octavia was standing right beside Raven, and once she exploded with the news, she had her glass in her hands.

-Sorry… But we have to go. Please, please, pleaseeeee.

-I think that's a good idea. – Clarke thought she could invite Lexa to go with them. She was missing her friend, they hadn't talked for almost a week.

-I like you better already. Party Griffin! – Clarke didn't know by then, but that was the day the name "party Griffin" was born. – Octavia? You can't say no, now…

-Fine. We'll go. My brother will probably be there as well.

-Yupi! We're going party, we're going party! – Raven was doing a kind of victory dance around the room, with two slices of pizza in her hands. It was a hilarious site to look at.

That night Clarke took longer to fall asleep, probably because, they spent the entire night talking about the party, and what they would wear, and all that girl's stuff. Nevertheless, Clarke wasn't able to go to bed without texting Lexa first.

 **Clarke:**

Already settled in. My two roommates are super nice, you should meet them. Maybe you could do that tomorrow, at the freshman's welcoming party?

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I would like to meet them. Maybe you could come by my apartment, to start the party earlier? My parents are leaving tomorrow morning. Also, I miss you J

 **Clarke:**

Sounds like a great idea. I'll talk with them about the new plans. Miss you too. See you tomorrow J

After that Clarke felt sleep pulling her down, and she just let go. A new chapter of her life was about to begin, and she couldn't be more excited about it.


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa woke up in a strange environment. Her bed felt different, and the smell of her room felt strange. It was only when she opened her eyes and looked around, that she realized the reason for the way she was feeling. She was no longer at home. Her new bedroom didn't feel like hers, yet. The walls were still too white. Still in her fetus position, under the covers, Lexa looked around her new room. It was filled with boxes and bags to unpack. After the realization of all the stuff she still had to do that day, Lexa covered her head with her sheets, taking shelter in there. She stayed there, surrounded by darkness and warmth, until she felt a weight on top of her. That weight started to move and talk, and after a while, Lexa gave up, coming out of her covers. She was greeted with a bundle of joy, that was her little brother.

-Morning Lexa! Did I wake you?! Mom told me to come wake you up. She said we have a lot to do before we go. – Aden jumped a few more times, shaking Lexa, as if to make sure she wasn't sleeping.

-Morning _strikbro_. I was already awake. Where did you find all that energy? Care to share a little with your favorite sister? – Aden smiled and threw himself at Lexa.

-I'm going to miss you Lexa… So much… - Lexa tightened the hug, bringing her little brother even closer.

-I'm going to miss you too. But you can still call me anytime, and I'll come by to visit you guys, we're only a few hours away. I'm not going away, Aden. I could never leave you guys. You know that, right? – Aden moved back, coming to look Lexa in the eyes, trying to make sure her sister was telling the truth. Lexa could see it in his eyes, the battle he was fighting with himself not to cry. His eyes were the bluest Lexa had ever seen them. Aden was trying to show her, that he was strong. A little tear found its way out, and Lexa got it before it could fall from his little face. At that, Aden straightened his back, and made a strong face.

-I know. – Lexa brought Aden in for another tight hug, kissing his forehead, and his cheeks, and his nose, and everywhere, until she heard a laugh breaking out of her brother. – Lexaaa… Stop that! No more kisses! – Aden was now laughing and pushing Lexa away. Lexa stopped kissing her little brother.

-Come on, _strikbro_. We have stuff to do, and I need to get dressed to do them. – Lexa ruffled Aden's hair, as he was making his way out of her bed.

-Don't take too long, mom is cooking breakfast.

-I won't, don't worry. I'll be out in a second. – At that, Aden left her room, closing the door behind him. As Aden was leaving her bedroom, all the feelings sank in, it was like, only now, she was realizing, that she was no longer going to see her family every day. Lexa stayed sitting on her bed, frozen, letting herself being pulled down by her feelings, until she started to feel tears forming in the back of her eyes, and a knot coming to install on her throat. Before she could drown on all that, she got out of bed and shoved it all away. _I'll deal with that later. Not now._

Lexa took a quick shower, got dressed and left her room. Her mother was organizing her kitchen, while Aden was making scrambled eggs with bacon. Her father and Anya were sitting on the sofa in the living room, one on the phone and the other going through all the channels on the Tv. Lexa tried to photograph that, as a picture, keep it forever in her memory. The end of a chapter, and the beginning of a new one.

-Hey, Lexa, come help me in the kitchen. Your sister, decided not to move… - Becca was unpacking her third box that day, a box filled with crockery. – I've been organizing your kitchen. We've got you the basics, just so you can cook your day-to-day meals. – _Basics?... Our definition of basics is more than most people can afford._ – After breakfast, we'll go buy some food, for next week. I don't want my daughter to starve. – Her mother smiled at her. They both knew, Lexa would never starve.

-Thanks mom. – Lexa started taking the plates for breakfast, and set them on the island counter. Her living room was open to the kitchen, only the island, separating the two divisions, although it was an island big enough to sit six people, three on each side. After the table was set, Aden started putting the food on the table, and Becca called the other two to the table. Anya came at first call, but Titus was still in the middle of his phone call, so he stayed sat on the sofa.

-Sweetie! The food is cooling. – They were all already siting at the table, waiting for father. Titus turned around, looking at them, and waived away, signaling for them to start without him. It wasn't the first time. Titus was a person of contradictions. He wanted his family to have their meals together, but then, at the time, he was always the last one, always in the middle of something that couldn't wait. They would always end up eating without him, not wanting to eat the food cold.

The kitchen was cleaned, so they went out, like they had planned. Her father stayed behind, working. They went to the mall in order to buy food, and new clothes. Becca had decided that, since Lexa wouldn't be with her, she should buy her some new clothes. Lexa didn't oppose to the decision, seeing she would be going to a party that night, some new clothes seemed like a good idea. The visit to the mall was quick, Lexa bought a pair of black skinny jeans and a few shirts, _seeing I don't own a few hundred already. But I'll never say no to shirts._ When they got back home, they still had time to finish cleaning the house. There wasn't much left to do, besides Lexa's bedroom, but that one was something Lexa would do alone. The house had two bedrooms, the second one was thought to be for Anya, seeing she was planning on coming to Polis, the next year, to study as well.

Still, before lunch, Lexa had the time to unpack a few bags and a few boxes, meanwhile, her mother and her siblings cleaned the bathroom. Titus finally stopped the phone calls and helped with the stuff her mother couldn't do, like hanging the curtains and the ceiling lamps, or installing electric things.

At lunch, Lexa's room was starting to feel more like hers. Her desk already with the books for the first semester and her new notebooks, her room started to have some colors, after her father hanged the curtains and her ceiling lamp, she had her Harry Potter collection in show on an entire shelf of one of the bookcases, with her Ravenclaw's scarf in display as well. Her collection was starting to get too big for just one shelf, with all the books, movies and miniatures. Every time she could, she would add something new, the latter being the elder wand, also on display in the shelf.

They ordered something to eat, Becca not wanting to cook. After lunch came the goodbyes. It was harder than Lexa was expecting. She had already had her moment with Aden, and with Anya everything was always fine, but with her mom, that's where it got complicated. Becca started crying half way through their hug, letting a few tears come to rest on Lexa's shoulder. It was silent, and if not for the small tears that fell, Lexa would've never known her mom had cried, since the moment they broke the hug, Becca showed practically nothing. No tears in her face, she had cleaned them with her forearm, before moving away from the hug. Lexa could see all the sadness in her eyes, but no tears. With her father, it was something different. He never showed sentiment, and that was not the day he would do that.

-I'll be coming to Polis once a month, if you need anything just let me know. I'll also be transferring money to your account every month, but if you need some more, just call me. Also, I want you to keep in mind that, you're here to work, to study, not to have fun and play around. And this house is to be kept clean and organized. – When the speech was complete, Titus gave Lexa a short hug and a kiss at the top of her head. – Make me proud. – And there it was, the weight on Lexa's shoulders, her father always expecting the best of her, it made her anxious and scared, scared that she wouldn't be able to fulfil what her father expected of her.

-I will… - _At least I always try to…_

They left the apartment, her mother coming back once more to kiss her, before leaving. Lexa closed the door, and it was like she exhaled all the air out, air that she didn't even know she was holding inside. She was alone, but she didn't feel lonely, she had the entire house to herself, she felt relieved. She went to her room, and finished unpacking all the boxes and bags. It took her almost the entire afternoon, since she was a perfectionist, everything had to be in the right place, just like she had pictured in her head. Lexa laid down on her bed, feeling tired, but then she remembered her conversation with Clarke, the night before. She looked at her phone. _What? Is it already this late? They'll be here soon and I have nothing ready!_ Lexa was starting to panic when her phone, that she was still holding in her hands, just above her face, buzzed. In the middle of her little panic, the buzzing of her phone scared her, which made her drop it, just on her face. _Ouch! Stupid Lexa… It's just a text message._ After insulting herself for being such a scaredy cat, Lexa read the text message.

 **Clarke:**

We're leaving the residence now. Octavia is taking her brother's car. We'll be there in 20 minutes. See you J

 _20 minutes?! Shit!_ Lexa ran to the bathroom, and took her clothes while running. She turned on the water and got inside the shower. She took the fastest shower she had ever taken. She decided to put on a shirt and some shorts, just to wear something, and then she would get ready, once they arrived. She was just slipping her shirt down her head, when the doorbell rang.

-I'm coming! – _Why am I screaming? They're downstairs, they can't hear me._ Lexa ran to the door, looked at the intercom, seeing Clarke and two other girls. She opened the door, enable to stop the smile from forming in her face. She hadn't seen Clarke since her birthday party. Lexa only had the time to run back into her room, put on her slippers, and run back to the door. She opened the door, just to see them get out the elevator. Clarke locked eyes with Lexa, smiling. Before Lexa could notice, Clarke had thrown herself at her, hugging her tight. Lexa hugged her right back, holding her as close as she could. Clarke's perfume invaded Lexa's nostrils, and for the first time, she felt at home in that house. It was Clarke, her friend was the piece missing. – Hi Clarke.

The moment her eyes locked with Lexa's, Clarke felt this strong force, pulling her towards her, and she just couldn't resist it. Before she could stop herself, she was throwing herself at Lexa. The moment they collided with each other, Clarke felt warm and grounded, it was like Lexa pulled her down, in a good way, like, if her friend was what was keeping her from flying way, into the darkness of her own mind. She came to rest her nose at Lexa's neck, breathing on Lexa's warm and vanilla scented skin.

-I missed you more than I thought. – Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear. After their moment, they came back to real life. Clarke hadn't introduced her new friends to Lexa. – Sorry. This are Raven and Octavia. And this is Lexa. – Clarke introduced the two new girls to Lexa, keeping her eyes on Lexa, trying to read her expressions. She had been so fast at hugging Lexa, that only now, she was realizing what she was wearing. With her hair soaked, she was wearing a large white T-shirt, that was getting wet by her hair, and cute black shorts, really short. – Is that what you're wearing to the party? I like it.

-Right… - Clarke laughed and Lexa took her hand to the back of her head, trying to mask her embarrassment. – I lost track of time while cleaning my room. I just got out of the shower. – A picture of Lexa in the shower crossed Clarke's mind, but she quickly erased it. _Not now. I really need to control my mind. What's wrong with me?_

-She could always compete for Miss wet shirt. I would totally cheer for you. – Clarke turned to look at Raven, who was drooling over Lexa, in a not so discreet way, not that she seemed to care. – I mean… Clarke, why didn't you tell us your friend was this hot? – Clarke looked back at Lexa, seeing her get even more embarrassed, and smiled. _That's so cute…_

-Raven! Do you really have to do that with every pretty girl you meet? – Octavia always coming to the rescue.

-I only thought this would be a nice way to break the ice. No need for jealousy, Octavia, you know you're my favorite. – Raven tried to put her arm around Octavia's shoulders, but was pushed down, by a not so amused Octavia.

-Sorry for my friend, she tends to say things without thinking, when she finds herself in awkward situations. – At that Lexa seemed to regain her posture. – We brought drinks. Do you have a fridge where we can put them? – Octavia raised two bags with beers and vodka.

-Sure. The kitchen is just down here. – Lexa guided them to the kitchen, closing the front door.

-So, this is your apartment? It's amazing. – Clarke was looking everywhere around the apartment. It was as beautiful as the house Lexa used to live in, and way too big for just one person. – Your parents got you this apartment just for yourself? It's so big, don't you feel lonely?

-My father bought this one, because Anya wants to come to Polis as well, so, she'll have a room once she comes here. And about the loneliness, I can always invite you to spend more time here. You would never let me alone, would you? – Lexa winked at Clarke, and she smiled. _Of course not, I can come and stay here as many times as you want. Did I really just thought that?_

-So, your father is like rich, or something? – Raven always straight to the point. Octavia elbowed Raven on the side. – What? Have you looked at this place? I wish I had this place, I would throw the best parties in here.

-Of course, you would…

-We're not rich… we're just… my father's family has money… and so does my mom's family, so… yeah. And my father has this company… - Clarke could see Lexa was uncomfortable talking about that, she actually remembered Lexa saying something about not liking to talk about that.

-So, Lexa, do you need help with what to wear? Because, we could totally help you. Right? – Clarke looked at Raven and Octavia, asking for their agreement, trying to change the subject of the conversation. She then looked at Lexa, who mouthed a silent "thank you".

-I'll help. – Octavia had been the one helping Clarke with what she was wearing that night, as well. Octavia had been the one choosing the black dress Clarke was wearing. If it had been for Clarke, she would have gone with some black jeans and a random blouse with a cleavage, but Octavia had convinced her to wear the dress, because the nights were still warm, and, according to her, she looked damn sexy in the dress. She had no idea why she agreed so easily with someone she had just met, but she thought that, that decision could be the first of many of this new chapter of her life. She was no longer under the supervision of her mother, she could let go now, and be more like herself, or at least find out who she was as a person, an independent person. So, there she was, wearing a short and fluid black dress, that accentuated her figure, that she had only worn once, and then forget of its existence. The moment she had seen Lexa reacting to it, she mentally thanked Octavia for convincing her to wear it. Although Lexa had tried to hide it, the hunger in her eyes was too visible not to notice, even though her friend had erased it quick, Clarke had still been able to see it. It made her feel confident and sexy. Clarke was so lost in her thoughts, that she almost lost track of the actual conversation happening in front of her.

-Yeah… I'm good. I'll make the drinks, while you guys get ready, if that's ok. – Raven stayed behind in the kitchen, while Lexa took them to her room. – Do you have anything I can mix with the vodka?

-I think so, my mom bought some juice and coke, I think. Just check the fridge. – Lexa took them straight to her closet, where Octavia easily started checking every piece of clothing she owned. Clarke sat next to Lexa on her bed, while looking around the room. It looked just like Lexa, organized to the perfection, simple but pretty, and the Harry Potter shelf she was so proud about.

-I like what you did with the room.

-Thanks. So, are you enjoying, as much as I am, the new life of freedom? – Lexa laughed. Clarke could see her friend was happy, it was like her face was more relaxed. _Probably because she doesn't have her father trying to control her every move._

-I am. And I met these two girls, they're really nice. I just feel like I've known them my entire life. – Clarke was trying to whisper, Octavia was still in the room, although the girl was so committed with finding the right clothes for Lexa, that Clarke could be screaming and the girl wouldn't notice. – Is that weird?

-Maybe a little, but I just let two strangers get into my apartment, so, I don't think I'm the right person to be asking that question. – They both laughed at that. – But they do seem like two great girls. I get why you feel like that, they have this way to make you feel like you've known them forever. I mean Raven was really direct back there, and Octavia is going through my closet like it's her own. So, yeah… I get that feeling.

-I think we're both weird. That's probably why we're best friends. – Clarke smiled and gave a small bump into Lexa's arm.

-You're probably right. So how-

-I think I got it. – Octavia turned around, carrying a lot of clothes. – I have two choices, you'll have to put it on, so I can decide which one is better for tonight's party. – Clarke and Lexa were interrupted by an excited Octavia. – Come on. We don't have all night. And I want to start drinking before we leave the house. – Lexa got up and Clarke did the same. – Here. Try this first.

-A dress? – Lexa made a face, and Clarke laughed. Lexa would never go in a dress, not to a party like that, but then, only a friend would know that. – I would prefer pants.

-Ok ok. Then try this one, instead. – Octavia gave Lexa two hangers with clothes.

Lexa removed her, already wet, white large T-shirt. Clarke wasn't expecting for Lexa to start undressing there, in front of them, but Lexa had always been someone really confident of her own body. _She has all the right to be. I mean, if I had that body, I would probably show it around as well._ She wanted to look way, give some privacy to her friend, just like Octavia did, but she couldn't. She was gawking her friend up and down. Her eyes locked with Lexa's and Clarke felt warmth coming up her chest, installing in her cheeks. _Busted…_ Lexa smirked, like she knew exactly what was going on, inside Clarke's head. _That damn smirk. She's so cocky sometimes._ Lexa put on the dark grey button up shirt, that fitted her perfectly. She then started taking of her shorts, but at that Clarke looked away. _Ok… That's enough for today…_

-Ok, you can both turn back, I'm dressed. – Lexa had put on black skinny jeans, tucking the shirt inside. She looked extremely hot. _That's not going to be easy to resist. No. Just… Why did I think that?_ Clarke had spent her holidays with her parents, going through the night from Lexa's birthday. They had kissed, for real this time. She tried to blame on the alcohol, but deep down she knew she wasn't that drunk. She had wanted to kiss her friend, and that feeling couldn't be forgot. They hadn't talked about it, yet, but this time she didn't think talking was necessary. Clarke had come to the realization that she wasn't gay, because she felt attraction towards boys too. She just wasn't sure if she was ready to accept that she could be bisexual. It was the best answer she had come across to, but she just wasn't ready to accept it.

-Wow. You look great. And that means, my work here is done. – Clarke's thoughts were, once more, cut off. Octavia left the room, going to join Raven, who had just turned on the music in the living room.

-She really is good at fashion. You look good. – Clarke and Lexa were left alone in Lexa's bedroom. The tension around them was palpable. Before any of them could say or do anything, Clarke decided to get them out of there. _Not now. I need more time. We can't just kiss again._ The truth was, Clarke had no idea where she stood, and until she knew, she wouldn't play with Lexa's feelings. Or at least she would do her best not to give in. – Maybe we should join them out there.

-You're right. We should. Let me just grab some shoes and I'll meet you guys. – Clarke left the room, going back to the living room, where she found her two new friends. _If I can call them that. Can I? I just met them two days ago._ The girls were sitting at the table, drinks in hand and cards on the table.

-Finally! I thought you would never get ready. I set the game already. Come sit here, I made drinks for all. Hope you like vodka with coke. – _Game? What game?_ Clarke went to sit down, noticing the empty glass on the middle of the table with the cards displayed around it, face down. She grabbed her drink and took a sip, her throat warming. She knew exactly what game they were about to play, and she also knew that, she was about to get drunk. _It's practically impossible not to get drunk playing "ring of fire"._ Lexa came into the room, her hair dried and falling down on one of her shoulders. Lexa took one look at the table and her face went blank. Just like Clarke, the memories she had about playing that game, weren't the best.

-Ring of fire? That's the game we're playing?

-You know the game? It's cool, isn't it? We always get super drunk when we play it. – Raven was excited and proud about her choice.

-We both know the game. And we also remember getting drunk after playing it. – Clarke smiled, trying to mask her worries. Lexa sat in front of her, next to Raven, and just like Clarke, she took a sip of her drink.

-Let the games begin! – The party was a few blocks away from Lexa's apartment, so they had planned on walking there, not wanting to drive the car. Octavia's brother, who would be at the party, needed his car back that night, so they had decided that, once they wanted to call it the night, they would take a taxi to the residence.

The game went on for almost an hour, the conversation fluid around the table. It was around 11pm when they decided they should start leaving the apartment. Clarke was starting to feel all warm and giddy. Once she got up, that's when she noticed how drunk she already was, since the room started to spin. Lexa came to hold her by the waist.

-Are you ok? – _God, she's so close… and she smells so good… Why does she smell so good? That's not fear for me._ Clarke's thoughts were completely out of her control, and controlling her actions was starting to get hard as well, but she wasn't ready to give up just yet.

-Yup, just needed a moment to let the alcohol sink in. I'm fine. – Clarke smiled and straightened herself up, trying to look sober.

It took them another 20 minutes until the four girls were ready to leave the house. They took the last bottle of vodka coke with them, it was half empty and they were planning on finishing it before reaching the party's precinct. The moment they set feet outside, they heard the music from the party. Clarke took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. _This looks like the perfect night to start living._


	11. Chapter 11

-All right! I'm liking the music! Come on guys, we gotta get going. Jasper texted me, saying they were already there. – Raven was even more excited now, with the alcohol fueling her even more. Clarke was feeling pretty warm and happy herself, starting to walk more freely, or at least, that was what it looked from her point of view.

Lexa came to rest her hand on Clarke's waist, and that was when Clarke knew she wasn't just walking freely.

-Hey there, you looked like you needed help walking straight. – At that, Clarke laughed, her inebriated mind had somehow find the word "straight" funny. – What's so funny?

-You are. – Clarke leaned further into Lexa's hold.

-I'm funny? Thanks, I guess. – Lexa had somehow, been able to not get drunk, and Clarke was a little mad at that, or disappointed, she wasn't sure yet.

It took them 10 minutes to reach the party. They got inside, and followed Raven, who seemed really sure about where she was going. Lexa never left her side, but the moment they met with the rest of the group, Clarke moved away from Lexa's hold. She wasn't sure why, she just didn't want to send the wrong message. Raven and Octavia's friends, were pretty much all guys.

-Hey girls! Where have you been? We thought you weren't coming anymore. – This skinny and tall guy, that was wearing goggles on the top of his head, which Clarke thought was weird, came to meet them. Right by his side was another boy, shorter and Asian. For a moment, Clarke thought they were a couple, because of the way the shorter guy looked at the taller one, but then by the way the taller one looked at Clarke and Lexa, she immediately changed her decision.

-And you call yourself my friend? I would never miss the party! – Raven high-fived both guys. – How are my partners in crime? I hope you're as drunk as me!

-OBV, sister! – The tall boy screamed with Raven. Like if he was an overexcited girl. – But, Monty here, he's been holding himself back. – Monty was pulled closer to the two, who were already drunk, making an uncomfortable face, that Clarke thought it was due to being too close to the other boy. Clarke was already reading expressions and emotions, trying to understand the dynamic of the group. – So, Raven, are you gonna introduce me, to these two beautiful girls?

-It will be my pleasure. This is Clarke Griffin, my roommate. – Clarke was pulled forward by Raven.

-Hi. – Although drunk, Clarke was still shy. She greeted Monty, who was as shy as she was, and then, the other boy, came towards her, greeting her with two kisses on her cheeks. Clarke noticed something squeezing her hand, it was only then, that she realized Lexa was holding her hand. The moment the second boy came into her intimate space, Lexa tensed, squeezing Clarke's hand.

-Nice to meet you Clarke, I'm Jasper. – Jasper smiled, and Clarke felt Lexa pulling her closer, or at least trying. Clarke looked back at her friend, but not without noticing the precipitate cocky smile Jasper gave to Monty. The moment she locked eyes with Lexa, she saw much more. She saw anger, worry, jealousy, passion, friendship, protectiveness, she saw so much in those green eyes. Lexa was able to show a neutral expression, but Clarke could see it all in those eyes. She smiled to her friend, trying to tranquilize Lexa, and at that, Lexa relaxed. – And what's your friend's name? – Their staring into each other's eyes, was interrupted by Jasper, coming in between them, to greet Lexa.

-My name is Lexa. It's ni-

-Lex?! Is that you? – Lexa was interrupted by a familiar voice. It was Lincoln. _I had no idea he was in Polis too._ Clarke wasn't exactly close with Lincoln, they had only met through Lexa. At the voice of her friend, Lexa dropped Clarke's hand, and Clarke came to find out how much she missed the warm contact, the exact moment she lost it. Clarke catched a glimpse of disappointment on Jasper's face, the moment he set eyes on Lincoln, probably thinking he had no chance, now that Lincoln was there. But a smile soon came to appear in his face again, when Octavia resurfaced. Clarke hadn't even noticed, but Octavia had disappeared momentarily, to go find her brother, who was now, coming to join them as well.

-Linc? What are you doing here?

-What does it look like? I'm partying! What are YOU doing here?

-I came with Clarke and her friends. – Clarke greeted Lincoln with a small wave of her hand.

-Hey guys! Sorry for disappearing on you. I just went to find Bellamy. These are Clarke and Lexa, and that guy is… Who are you? – Octavia went straight into introductions and when she set eyes on Lincoln, Clarke and Lexa were soon forgotten.

-Hi. I'm Lincoln. I'm a friend of Lexa and Clarke. You are?

-Octavia… - Octavia smiled hungrily at Lincoln, coming closer to him and touching his biceps. _Is she hitting on him? Oh, my God, she totally is. And Lincoln doesn't seem to bother at all._

Lincoln and Octavia stepped away a little from the group, getting into a deep conversation between the two of them.

Once that Lincoln was busy, Lexa was back again, closer to Clarke.

-Looks like those two will be entertained for the rest of the night. – Lexa was whispering at Clarke's ear, making her smile and quiver. The contact was interrupted again, Lexa being pulled away again, by an eager Raven

-Hey, Lexa, come with me. Let's get some drinks. – Clarke watched Lexa being pulled by Raven, disappearing into the crowd. She was left alone with three guys she had just met, since Octavia and Lincoln were now busy dancing. _If that can even be called dancing… they're literally grinding on each other. At least she was smart enough to step away from her brother's site. He didn't seem to like Lincoln very much._

-So, Clarke, right? You're my sister's roommate, right? I'm Bellamy.

-Yeah, I heard. – Clarke wasn't trying to be rude, but she was just trying to find were Lexa had gone with Raven.

-Ok… No need to be rude. – At that Clarke's eyes shot back at Bellamy.

-What? I'm not… I just, I don't know you. You could be a psychopath, for all I know. – The three guys laughed, which only made Clarke feel more insecure about being left there alone. And a little mad, feeling like she was being made fun of. – What's so funny? Are you, a psychopath?

-Nope. I can be a little crazy sometimes, but so can anyone. You have beautiful eyes, did you know that? – _Wait, what? Is he hitting on me? Smooth…_

-Was that your way of trying to make me feel comfortable, complementing my eyes?

-Did it work?

-Maybe… - Bellamy made her feel weird. He annoyed her with that cocky and superior smile of his, but he was also nice to her, and kind of funny. – So how do you guys know each other?

-The three of us? Well we've known each other for awhile now. Octavia, who I've known since she was born. – Clarke made a face. _Really? Is he joking?_ – She met Raven in high school, and these two guys came along with Raven. According to them, they met in some kind of summer camp for nerds.

-Hey! Did you just call me a nerd? I turn my back on you, for 5 minutes, and you're already staining my awesome reputation. – Raven had returned, and with her, Lexa, and drinks for all.

-Hi, did you miss me? – Lexa came to whisper into Clarke's ear, sending shivers down her spine. Clarke turned around and Lexa gave her a beer and her famous smirk.

-I didn't call you a nerd. – Bellamy was trying badly, to calm Raven. – I was just telling Clarke here, how we had met. And you should probably have your last beer. – Clarke was slightly drunk, but Raven… _Well she, probably won't remember parts of this night. I just have no idea how she hasn't puked._

-Oh! I love that story! – Raven totally ignored Bellamy and took his beer as well. – But I tell it way better than you.

-Sure… You can tell the story then. – At that, Raven turned to Clarke and Lexa and started telling "the story".

-Well, you know this guy here is Octavia's older brother, that's the boring part of this story.

-Hey!... Rude. – Bellamy feigned having his feelings hurt.

-Don't interrupt me. – Raven made a stern face at Bellamy. – So, like I was saying… Let's move on, into the fun part of the story, how I met Octavia. We met in High School, in the girls' locker room, after a gym class. We bumped into each other, naked. – _Wait what? Did I just hear naked?_ Raven made a pause with a big cocky smile on her face, giving her audience, enough time to react properly to her story. – Yes, naked. There I was, in my high waist black leggins and my top, moving backwards into the showers area, still talking with my classmates, when Octavia decided to get out of one of the showers, wrapped in her towel. The moment I turned back, Octavia moved forward, with her eyes on the floor, not noticing my presence. And then, BAM! – Raven screamed so loud that it actually startled Clarke. – We bumped into each other, me still sweaty from gym class, and Octavia still wet from shower. I have no idea how we didn't fall, but Octavia's towel totally did. – Raven's smile had been growing bigger, now so wide, that Clarke was worried her friend might get her jaw to break. – She was naked, me still completely clothed, I mean… it was impossible not to look. – Raven laughed and Jasper did it too, who came to silence once his eyes crossed with Bellamy's, who was not that amused with the story anymore. – From that moment forward, I just couldn't let her go, I was really persistent, and because I'm awesome and amazing, it was impossible for Octavia not to become my friend. – Raven made another pause, and Clarke was starting to think that the story was over, when Raven started talking again. – Now, these two guys… - Raven got in between Jasper and Monty, coming to rest her arms over their shoulders, bringing them closer to her. – These two, I met in 7th grade, during a summer camp for mad scientists. Let's just say, they won't let us in there anymore. We might have exploded something, while we were there.

-You mean more like, we exploded one of the labs while we were there. – Clarke was pretty sure that had been the first-time Monty had said a word. He had a calm and steady voice, and the shyness could be heard in his voice. – I don't even know, how no one got hurt that day.

-In our defense, we were trying to make fireworks, for the farewell party.

-Of course, you were… You three are always trying to make fireworks. When, are you going to realize that there are stores, where you can buy them. There's no need for anyone to be blown up.

-And where's the fun in that? – Bellamy and Raven were about to argue again, when a familiar voice reached all their ears. – Queen B! I can't believe they're playing Beyoncé!

"All the single ladies" started playing in the background, and just like that, everyone on that party, started to sing and try to dance the choreography from the music video. Bellamy refused to sing the song, or dance it properly. Monty, although shy, Clarke could see him singing, not as loud as Raven and Jasper, but still singing. Clarke, being the fan she was, started singing and dancing, turning to Lexa who sang and danced with her.

But soon the music changed, the night moved on, from music to music, different rhythms and tones, from drink to drink, beer transformed into vodka again, and Clarke lost track of how many drinks she drank. When she started to hold on to Lexa more, she knew it had been too much. The music started to slow down and Clarke's drunk and hazed mind started to take control, making her come closer to Lexa. They danced glued to each other. _She smells so good…_ Lexa always with her hands on Clarke's waist, keeping her from stumbling on her own feet. Clarke came to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder, her lips closer to Lexa's neck. Everything and everyone around seemed to have disappear, she couldn't hear, see or feel anything else other, then Lexa. She knew that, what she was doing, wasn't right, but she didn't know how to stop herself, she felt like she was being pulled towards Lexa. Her lips stayed there, leaving small kisses, like ghosts of real kisses. Lexa's perfume was clouding her thoughts, alongside with the alcohol running in her veins.

Around 5 in the morning, Lexa could start to feel Clarke losing her consciousness, while in her arms.

-Hey, Clarke? – Clarke opened her eyes and regained her consciousness. – Maybe it's time to call it the night.

-Humm Humm – Lexa looked around, trying to find the rest of the group. She saw a glimpse of a tipsy Octavia, still dancing with Lincoln. _God, that guy must have some kind of magnet, it's always the same…_ Holding Clarke close to her side, Lexa reached Octavia.

-Hey, Octavia, Clarke is over for the night. Maybe we should start to gather and go home? – Octavia looked at her and made a sad face, but then she looked over to the sleeping beauty, that was Clarke in Lexa's arms, and she regained her posture.

-Ok, ok. I'll help you find Raven, but if we don't find her, you two should go home. I'm used to Raven ending up going home with one of the guys. You don't have to worry about her.

-Are you sure? I don't want to leave you two alone.

-I won't leave her alone. I can take them home if you want. – Lincoln always a gentleman. Octavia smiled back at him, again with hungrily eyes. _Those two will end up together… they just met and they already can't take their eyes out of each other._ While Lincoln and Octavia were busy staring at each other and texting Raven and the guys, Clarke stirred, waking up. Lexa turned all her attention back at Clarke.

-Hey… you're ok? – With her left hand, she reached Clarke's chin, making her meet her eyes. Clarke's blue eyes went dark once she met Lexa's green eyes.

-I've never been better. – Clarke made a mischievous smile. _Looks like someone just woke up._ Clarke came to link her arms around Lexa's neck, bringing their faces closer. – Actually, maybe I could be better… - Clarke moved even closer, her lips slightly apart, with her tongue poking out, wetting her lips, as to get ready. _What is she doing? What's happening? She's so drunk. Move away! She'll regret this tomorrow… that is, if she can even remember this tomorrow. No._ Clarke moved a few inches closer, her lips grazing Lexa's. Both with their eyes still open, not being capable of closing them, not wanting to lose anything. Clarke made the last move, connecting their lips, oh so lightly and gentle. Lexa saw Clarke closing her eyes, and that was when she regained her control. _NO!_ Lexa pushed Clarke back, gently, not wanting to seem rude, or like she didn't want that.

-Clarke… please… let's just go home.

-Hey, Lexa?! We found Raven. My brother just texted me saying she's with him. They took a taxi and went home. Raven wasn't feeling good. – Lexa was yet able to see the _sadness? or is it disappointment?_ in Clarke's eyes, before Octavia interrupted them. – I'm going to take a taxi with Lincoln here, he's taking me to the residence. Do you want Clarke to come with us?

-No. – Lexa didn't have the time to answer Octavia's question, before Clarke answered for her. -I'll go with her, I'm staying in her apartment. If, that's ok with you?... – Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand and pulled, making her look at her.

-Sure. You can stay with me. – The words came out of her mouth, before her mind could realize what Clarke was asking of her.

-Ok then. See you tomorrow. – Octavia leaned back into Lincoln's side.

-I'll text you once I drop her at the residence. – Lincoln winked at Lexa, and then grabbed Octavia by the waist, walking away with her. Lexa followed the two of them, until they disappeared in the crowd. Because, although it was already past 5 in the morning, there was still a lot of people in the precinct.

-Are you capable of walking home, or should we take a taxi?

-Why did you move away? – _What?_ Lexa was caught by surprise with that question. Clarke was looking right through her eyes, trying to read the words Lexa hadn't yet said.

-Because… I… Can we have this conversation back at home? – The loud music and the crowd moving around them was making it all too complicated for Lexa.

-Ok… And I can walk.

-Ok.

Clarke turned her back on Lexa and started walking. Lexa could sense something was up with her friend, but she couldn't understand what was it, yet. Her mind was so caught up trying to understand what was happening, that it had forgot to make her walk. Lexa had to run, to catch up with Clarke, who hadn't looked back since she had started walking. She no longer seemed drunk, no longer staggering, her legs weren't wobbling anymore either. Clarke seemed to have set her mind to get home, as fast as she could. Lexa followed her home. They didn't say a word to each other, during the 10 minutes longer walk home. Once they reached the front door to Lexa's building, Clarke stopped, moved to the side, letting Lexa open the door, still not looking at her. The silence was starting to annoy her. Clarke had no reason to be acting like that, besides the fact that she was drunk. That was the only reason, Lexa hadn't said anything to Clarke. _There's no point in argue with a drunk person._

Once Lexa closed the apartment door behind her, Clarke turned to her, finally looking at her, right into her eyes.

-So… Can we talk now? – _Looks like she won't let this die…_

-We can. – Clarke didn't say anything else, she didn't need to, she simply crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for Lexa to answer to the question she had made earlier. – You're drunk.

-I'm not that drunk. Not anymore. And that's not an answer.

-Just 10 minutes ago, you were practically sleeping on my shoulder. And then, out of the blue, you… I just… - Lexa hated not being able to find the right words to express herself.

-What? I wasn't sleeping. I was just enjoying… you, your warmth, your smell. You smell good. – Clarke smiled and moved closer to Lexa. Lexa was finding it hard to follow the changes of attitude from a drunk Clarke.

-See… You would never say that if you weren't drunk.

-That's not true. You don't know that. I don't know that. – _Then, who knows?_

-Clarke… I just don't want you to do something you'll regret in the morning. I think this is a decision you have to make sober. I would feel like I was taking advantage of you, if I just did nothing.

-But… I want to… I want to kiss you… - Clarke's voice wavered a little, losing its intensity. Lexa's heart was skipping a few beats by now, making it even harder for her to control herself and stick with her decision. _The right decision._ Her mouth went dry and she had to look at the wall behind Clarke, because looking at those blue eyes, filled with arousal, was making it impossible for her to resist the impulse, of just kissing Clarke.

-Me too… But…

-No "but". Just, do it. Kiss me, Lexa. – Clarke moved closer to Lexa, taking her hands to Lexa's sides, pulling her closer by the shirt. Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Why? Why is she doing this to me?_ The moment she opened her eyes again, she regretted it immediately. Clarke had come even closer, her nose touching Lexa's. – Kiss me.

Lexa stared right into those eyes. It felt like staring into the abyss, without knowing if she should jump, or not.

-Are you sure?

-Kiss m- - Clarke didn't have to finish saying those two words again. Lexa grabbed Clarke by the neck and made, those last inches keeping them apart, disappear. Their lips crashed together. This second kiss was not sweet or gentle, it was the opposite, it was passionate and hungrily, demanding for more. Lexa licked Clarke's lower lip and she was granted passage. Her tongue explored, tasted that sweet flavor. Clarke's lips were so soft, Lexa couldn't think of anything else, other than that kiss. It was a mess of a kiss, both wanting more closeness, more of each other, even though, they were already glued together. Clarke bit Lexa's lower lip, sucking on it after, making Lexa release a moan she had no idea she was containing. Although Lexa had begun with her back against the wall, soon she shifted their positions, pressing Clarke against the wall, instead. Her right hand at Clarke's nape, grabbing her hair, her left hand, lower in her waist, but slowly coming up. Clarke held on steady, with her hands on Lexa's back, scratching up and down, trying to pull Lexa's shirt up.

They moved apart to breathe, taking that moment to look at each other, blue connected with green for a mere second, only for Lexa to crash her lips against Clarke's neck. Clarke elongated her neck, giving Lexa more access, and released a moan at the touch of Lexa's lips, that gave Lexa more power, more hunger. Clarke found her way to the front of Lexa's shirt, and started to unbutton it. Lexa's left hand dropped to Clarke's leg, pulling it up, making Clarke embrace Lexa's waist with it. Clarke seemed to get Lexa's intention, because once Lexa dropped the other hand to Clarke's leg, she used a little propulsion to latch herself around Lexa's waist. Lexa pushed Clarke harder against the wall, her hands coming to Clarke's ass holding her up. Clarke started to grind her core against Lexa's lower abs, making it harder for Lexa to control herself. Lexa started to carry Clarke to her room, their lips coming to connect again, midst way. Thanks to God, the door to Lexa's room was open. Once inside, Lexa dropped Clarke on her bed and took a step back, looking down at Clarke, trying to catch her breath and, most of all, her control.

-… - Lexa wanted to talk, but her brain wasn't able to form any words.

-Lexa?... – Clarke's voice was husked, filled with need. _I can't. I won't. Not like this._ Lexa looked one more time at Clarke's eyes. _They're so dark._ Her pupils were so dilated, that it was almost impossible to see the clear blue that Lexa liked so much. Clarke was, also panting, her chest rising and falling fast, just as Lexa's. Clarke licked her lower lip, biting it afterwards, keeping her eyes on Lexa. _No._ Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She went to sit in her bed, beside Clarke, her back turned to Clarke, her elbows on her knees, her head down, her eyes fixated on the floor.

After a while, Lexa felt the bed moving, and then she felt Clarke coming closer. One hand pulling her hair away from her neck, leaving it exposed, for seeking lips to come crash down on it. Clarke wasn't giving up. Her lips started down, closer to Lexa's collarbone, and made their way up, leaving a trail of kisses, sucks and bites, probably leaving a mark on Lexa's skin, reaching her jaw line. Clarke stayed there, kissing and grazing her teeth on Lexa's jaw. She then moved up a little bit again, coming to bite Lexa's earlobe, and sucking on it.

-Lexa… - It was taking all her strength not to move. _Please, stop…_

-Clarke… - Lexa swallowed down the moan that was starting to form in her throat. Once Clarke's name left her lips, Clarke stopped moving. For a moment, Lexa thought she had thought of something else to do to her, but then she felt Clarke sitting behind her, legs one on each side of Lexa.

Clarke hugged Lexa and pulled her back with her. Lexa let go, falling on top of Clarke. Two legs and two arms came to embrace Lexa in a "koala hug", her back to Clarke's front. Clarke kissed Lexa behind the ear, resting her chin on Lexa's shoulder and breathing in slowly.

-What are you doing? – Lexa could feel the smile forming in Clarke's lips, that were resting on her neck. She could also, feel the aura of the moment shifting, once again.

-Nothing. – Clarke gave another kiss to Lexa's neck, not relieving the hug.

-You're "koala hugging me". My mom used to do that to me, when I had nightmares.

-I'm what? – Clarke finally released Lexa from the hug, moving to the side, only to push Lexa's back onto the mattress, coming to locate herself, sitting on top of Lexa. Clarke's eyes were lighter, bluer, and her expressions were no longer dark and hungrily. She had turned the switch off, completely. Lexa's mind was trying to keep up with the change of scenery. Her heart was still racing, and she was pretty sure her underwear was ruined by now, but Clarke didn't seem to be bothered by anything. – Why are you making that face? Don't think too much, Lexa.

-You… What happened? – Lexa had no idea what was going on. _We were just about to… And now… She's drunk. That's the only explanation. God, she's going to be the death of me._

-You said stop. – _Did I say it out loud?_ – So, I stopped. – Clarke smiled at Lexa and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Lexa just stayed there perplexed by all that was happening. They looked at each other for a few seconds, Clarke smiling and Lexa just looking, not knowing exactly what she was feeling. After a while, Clarke yawned and stretched, coming down off Lexa, and lying beside her instead. – So, are you going to explain to me, what a "koala hug" is? – Lexa smiled, and turned to face Clarke. Her little brother, Aden, had been the one naming the hug, after that one night, that Lexa had done it to him.

-It's a hug, just like the one you were giving me, just now. With both arms and legs, just like a koala holds onto a tree. – Clarke released a small laugh. They were both lying on their sides, looking at each other's eyes, just like that afternoon, at Clarke's house.

-That's cute. Your mom did that to you?

-Yes. When I woke in the middle of the night, crying, with bad dreams, she would comfort me. Because my father wouldn't let us get in their bed, my mom would take me back to mine, and she would hug me like that, until I fell asleep. – Clarke looked marveled with the story Lexa was telling.

-I just can't not imagine a little Lexa, with tears in her eyes, being comforted by her mom with a "koala hug". By the way, who named the hug?

-My brother. This one night, after a big argument my father had with him, before he went to bed, he woke up crying in the middle of the night. Because he was still mad and sad at father, he came into my room. I hugged him, just like my mom used to do with me, until he fell asleep. The next morning, he must've told my mom, because she came asking me what a "koala hug" was. She said that Aden had told her, that I had gave him one, to calm him down. After I explained to her what I had done, we both laughed. From then on, the hug was named the "koala hug". – Clarke yawned again, and Lexa could see the strength she was making to keep her eyes open. The sun was starting to rise outside her window. Lexa moved a string of hair away from Clarke's face and gave her a kiss on her cheek. – You should sleep, you're exhausted.

-It was a beautiful story. You're the best person anyone could have. Thank you, for today. – Clarke's eyes were already closed. – Good night, Lexa.

-Good night, Clarke. – Lexa turned off the bedside light, and covered the both of them with a blanket, that was at the end of the bed.

Sleep came like an abyss, pulling her down. Lexa didn't dream that night, her dream had gained life while her eyes were still open, her mind only wanting to rest. She knew they would have to deal with it all the next morning, but for now, she could just enjoy the bliss.


	12. Chapter 12

Clarke woke up alone, in a bed that wasn't hers, but it felt better than hers. Her head felt like it was about to explode, her mouth was as dry as a desert and her whole body was screaming for her not to move, to spend the entire day in that bed. The decision to open her eyes was the worst she ever took. The sun coming in through the blinds, felt like knifes in her head. She covered her face with the blanket, immediately, coming to take shelter in the warm of it, and in that lovely smell. _Vanilla._ That was when flashes from the night before started to break free in her mind. A kiss. Skin on skin. Heat and passion. And that intoxicated vanilla scent. _Lexa._ Involuntarily, Clarke reached her hand to the other side of the bed, finding it empty, just like she already knew. _Where did she go?_ She tried to hear any sounds in her surroundings, trying to see if she was alone in the room, or in the apartment. Clarke heard noises coming from outside the room, and it was like a weight, that she hadn't yet noticed its presence, left her chest. Her next move was to look under the covers, at herself. _I'm dressed. Nothing happened. Besides the… the flashes…_ Clarke couldn't remember the entire night, but she knew that they had kissed, and that she had been the one inciting it. She could still feel her lips tingling, from being kissed with such passion and hunger, and she could also feel that in her neck. _I'm pretty sure she left a mark there._ She remembered all the thoughts that had crossed her mind, she was just having trouble distinguish the ones that had happened, from the ones that had just stayed in her mind.

When the dryness in her mouth started to be unbearable, Clarke got out of bed, the slower she could, so that her head wouldn't explode. _So, this is a hungover. God, this is terrible, I feel like I'm going to die. Why did I drink that much?_

With her bare feet touching the wood floor, Clarke started walking, one foot in front of the other, her dress all wrinkled and her hair smelling like booze and cigarettes. The door was ajar, so she pushed it open, leaving Lexa's room. She had intended to go to the bathroom first, to look at herself in the mirror, hoping that that would help her remembering something else. She walked the corridor, but when she was about to reach for the bathroom door, her side view spotted something that made her stop where she was. _Lexa._ There she was, with her hair wet, once again, in a large shirt, _probably the same she was wearing last night,_ when Clarke had seen her for the first time, after months. Lexa had her back turned to Clarke, yet unaware of Clarke's presence. She was cooking, while dancing calmly to the sound of a music playing low on the background. Clarke stayed frozen in the same place, looking at Lexa, for a while, not sure why she didn't want to move. Lexa turned around, with a plate of pancakes in one hand, finally looking at Clarke.

-Clarke! – Lexa wasn't scared, it almost seemed like she already knew Clarke had been there gawking her. – You're awake. How do you feel?

-Hi… - Her voice came out hoarse, due to her dry mouth.

Lexa turned to the sink and filled a glass with water, coming to give it to Clarke.

-You might want this. I dropped an aspirin in it. For the looks of it, you might be in pain.

-Thanks. – Clarke drank the water, feeling way better after being able to feel her mouth and throat. – And, what do you mean by the looks of it?

-Let's just say, you should probably go take a shower. – Lexa smiled, and frowned her nose. – You smell like beer and smoke, and your make up is all smudged. I got you a towel and some clothes to change to. I'm making breakfast. Go take a shower and then you'll feel way better, believe me. – Lexa smiled again. Her eyes were looking at her with such adoration.

-You're an angel. I should probably apologize for last- – Clarke felt 100 times better, once she heard the word shower.

-It's ok, Clarke. Go on, we'll talk after you take your shower. – _Talk… Right… Shit…_ Lexa went back into making breakfast, and Clarke got into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Her reflection in the mirror startled her. _God… Hangover looks terrible on me._ Her makeup was indeed all smudged and her neck was covered in bruises. _The ones that she made on my neck._ It made Clarke remember more parts of their heated moment the night before. Clarke unzipped her dress, letting it fall on her feet. She got rid of her underwear and got in the shower, letting the hot water run down her face, cleaning away the rests of makeup still there. She stayed under the water, with her eyes closed, just feeling the heat penetrate her skin. It was actually helping her relax her sore muscles. Her headache even started to fade, although Clarke wasn't sure if that was the hot water, or the aspirin starting to work. She used Lexa's shampoo and gel. The bathroom was smelling like vanilla, once Clarke left the shower. She smelled like Lexa. She wrapped herself on the towel Lexa had left there for her, and left the bathroom. She didn't quite think through that decision, until she was naked, in front of the bathroom's door, with Lexa a few meters away from her, in the kitchen, now staring at her.

-You said you had clothes… - It took Lexa awhile to answer, being too focused on trying not gawk at her friend.

-Right. Clothes. In my room. T-shirts on the top drawer. Shorts on the last one.

-Thanks. – Clarke turned around, still feeling Lexa's eyes on her. She's was pretty sure, her hips swayed differently, now that she knew Lexa was staring at her. Or, maybe, she was just reading too much into it.

-Breakfast is almost ready! – Lexa screamed, once Clarke closed the door behind her.

Clarke dropped the towel on the floor, and went to get clothes. It was only with a t-shirt and some shorts on her hands, that she remembered she had no underwear. _Shit. I forgot about the underwear._

-Lexaaa! – She heard feet running towards the bedroom, only having time to put on the large t-shirt, that was large enough to reach her thighs.

Lexa came in her room, her face filled with worry.

-Are you ok?

-Sorry… I wasn't trying to scare you. It's just that, I forgot about the underwear. – Lexa's features changed the moment her eyes drove down, realizing that Clarke was only wearing a large t-shirt, and nothing else.

-Und- underwear… - Clarke giggled at Lexa's lack of words.

-Yes. You know, like, panties. – The word "panties" made Lexa's face go red. Clarke giggled again, finding Lexa's reaction endearing.

-Bedside table, middle drawer. – Lexa gulped down, regaining her neutral posture.

-Thanks. I'll be out in just one second. – Clarke smiled and Lexa walked back, slowly leaving her own room, closing the door. It took her 2 seconds to pick the underwear and put it on. She grabbed the shorts and left the room while still pulling them up. – Told you it would be 2 seconds. – Clarke said proudly when turning the corner. Lexa had the island counter filled with food. The smell of pancakes and bacon made Clarke's stomach scream with hunger.

-Actually, you said one second, but I'll accept your 2 seconds. Want to join me? – Lexa was sitting in one of the stools, looking at Clarke with that smirk of hers.

-Yes, please. I'm starving. – Clarke sat right beside Lexa.

-Breakfast food, in my opinion, is the best cure for a hungover. – Lexa served Clarke of everything that was on the table.

-I'll be the judge of that. – Clarke attacked the pancakes first, devouring the first two without even breathing. Moans left her throat. – This is perfection. You never told me you were this good of a cooker.

-If I had, I'm afraid you would've only become my friend for the food. – Lexa was still in her first pancake, taking her time to watch Clarke, always with that smirk on her lips.

-You have no idea how much I want to kiss that smirk out of your face. – The words left Clarke's full mouth before she could even think them first, only realizing what she had just said, once the words were out in the air. _Shit. Did I just say I wanted to kiss her? I must still be drunk. That can't be possible. It's the pancakes! They're so good, that they make me say stupid things… What's wrong with me? Now I'm blaming the pancakes? Really, Clarke?!_

-Do tell… - Lexa's smirk only grew bigger, her eyes coming to rest on Clarke's lips for a moment, only to move back to her eyes. It was like a dance, a dance that started replaying in Clarke's mind, a dance she had witnessed the night before. Those green eyes moving up and down, those lips moving apart, to let a skilled tongue peek in between, wetting them, only to retrieve back inside again. Clarke stayed watching that dance, feeling herself get lured in, once again. She closed her eyes, before she lost control.

-We should talk. About last night. – Lexa moved back again, her features going neutral. Clarke was sure she was able to see the wall being pulled up in Lexa's mind and heart.

-We should. – Food was soon forgotten. – So, what do you remember, from last night?

-Almost everything, I guess. My mind is still trying to put all the flashes together, in the correct order. – Clarke wasn't lying, although she knew exactly what she had done, she couldn't quite remember the circumstances in which she had done it.

-That's good. I didn't want…

-I know. I remember that too. Look, Lexa, I like you, I really do. Sometimes more then I'm ready to admit. – Clarke was trying to find the right words to explain to Lexa what had been going through her mind, since the moment they had kissed for the first time. – This is just all new to me. I don't know what I'm feeling, I don't know what I want. – Deep down she knew, but she wasn't ready yet, to admit that, not even to herself. – The only thing I know for sure, is that you're my best friend, and I don't want to hurt you, or lose you.

-You're not losing me. You're my best friend too.

-I know, but I can see it in your eyes. – Lexa looked away, at her plate, probably not wanting Clarke to read her emotions at that moment. – I'm just not there, yet. I'm not sure. I…

-It's ok. – Lexa looked back at her, the green in her eyes was so intense. – I understand. – Clarke was almost sure, she could see unfallen tears in Lexa's eyes. _I'm doing the only thing I never wanted to do. I'm hurting her._ – We're friends, and as friends, I'll always be there for you.

-I'm sorry… I'm not saying never, I'm just saying I need more time. – Clarke took Lexa's face in her hands, bringing her friend closer. Their eyes spoke without words, they said the truth, they told what they couldn't, yet, say to each other. Clarke gave Lexa a kiss in the cheek, her heart skipping a beat, at the touch of her lips with Lexa's skin. They moved back, with their eyes still closed, only opening them when they were at a safe distance from each other, both too scared to fall into each other, if their eyes opened to soon.

They stayed in silence for a moment, both getting accustomed to the new setting between them.

-If you want me to leave now, I would totally understand. – Clarke broke the silence, looking right at Lexa's eyes.

-I don't. I want you to stay. – Lexa was saying the truth, Clarke could feel it. – I cooked way too much food for just one person. You'll have to stay and help eat all this. – Lexa smiled, and Clarke smiled back, the atmosphere between them changing back to normal.

It had always been easy for Clarke to fall into a comfortable space with Lexa. Around her, she had this feeling, like she could be herself. She felt safe. She felt at home.

They spent the rest of the day in her apartment, doing nothing productive. They fell back into their routine. They watched movies and played video games. Lexa felt like a crack had been added to her heart, but at the same time she also felt stronger to deal with it, if Clarke was there. She was her best friend, she was the one she wanted to hold her, Clarke was her shoulder to cry on, the person to talk about her injustices in life. _I mean, that's what a best friend is supposed to be, right? You're not supposed to fall for your best friend, that's the only thing I wasn't supposed to do... So, of course, that's the only thing I did. Stupid Lexa._

At the end of the day Lexa started to push down the one thought that kept popping up in her mind. _Is she staying the night again? I should ask her, right? But I don't want to seem too… Whatever, I'll ask her._

-So, Clarke, do you want to stay the night again? I mean, it's the weekend, so, you'll still have tomorrow to get ready for Monday. That is, only if you want. – Clarke paused the movie they were watching, to look at Lexa. She smiled at the awkwardness in Lexa's voice.

-If it's ok with you… I wouldn't mind staying one more night. I mean, it's only Saturday, you're right, I still have tomorrow. – Clarke smiled. The truth was, she really wanted to stay, but she didn't want to impose, Lexa would never know that though.

-If it wasn't ok, I wouldn't be inviting you. – Lexa's heart filled with warmth, and hope. Clarke would sleep with her one more night. _Wait. I have another room. She'll might want to sleep in another bed, now that she's not drunk._ The warmth and hope disappeared at the realization. Lexa didn't talk with Clarke about that issue, not until they would have to go to bed. _I'll see what she wants to do then. Asking now would be weird, like I'm thinking about it. But I am. Yeah, but she doesn't need to know that._

-Hey, Lexa? I feel like I lost you to your own thoughts. – Clarke waved a hand in front of Lexa's face, trying to catch her attention back. – Ready to watch the rest of the movie? I'm actually feeling tired, so I might go to bed after this.

-Yeah, me too. – Lexa was indeed feeling tired, but the anxiety of not knowing where Clarke would sleep, was getting to her. Clarke pressed play and went back to watching the movie. Lexa had no idea what the movie was about, she had spent the entire time looking at Clarke and at the same time, trying to look like she wasn't.

After 20 minutes, the credits started rolling down on the Tv screen. Clarke had been trying hard not to fall asleep during the movie, and Lexa just found it cute when Clarke would close her eyes for a brief moment, only to snap her head back up, opening her eyes wide.

-Hey, there, sleeping beauty. I think it's time to go to bed.

-I think you're right. – Clarke got up slowly and started walking towards Lexa room. Lexa let her lead the way, going into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, before going to her room. When she entered her room, she was welcomed with a sleeping Clarke, already under the covers, in the exact same side of the bed she had fallen asleep in, the night before. A smile found its way to Lexa's lips. She put the glass down on her bedside table and got in bed. As she was turning off the lamp in her bedside table, a hand came to rest on her waist. Lexa turned off the light and fell into Clarke's embrace.

-You smell good. Is it ok if we cuddle? – Clarke's voice surprised Lexa, she had no idea her friend was still awake. Her heart skipped a lot of beats at hearing Clarke's request, but her mind and logic remembered her what Clarke had said that afternoon. _She's not ready. Not yet. And that's ok._

-Yes, we can cuddle. – But Lexa was pretty sure that, by the time she answered, Clarke was already asleep. She could feel her steady breathing on her neck.

Lexa took longer than usual to fall asleep, not wanting to let go of the feeling of Clarke holding her. She didn't use to like being the "little spoon", it used to make her feel small, but in Clarke's arms she felt big, like she could conquer the world. She felt the safest she had ever felt. She felt home. Soon sleep took her down, and with it, the fears and hopes in her heart took over her dreams.


	13. Chapter 13

The biggest difference Lexa found between college life and high school life, were the classes. It was Wednesday morning, and Lexa was sitting in the auditorium to have her first class of the day. As always, she had got there 5 minutes before its start, there were only a few more students already in class, the professor wasn't even there. Lexa was reading the chapter for that class. Because it was only her first week of college, her motivation was off the charts, she wanted to go to every class and be on point, and study all the new subjects. Although she was pretty sure that, soon she would grow tired of it. She had mostly chosen law, due to her father, she wanted to make him proud. She also knew that that hadn't been the wisest decision of her life, but she wanted to give advocacy a try.

She was deep in her thoughts when a girl touched her in the shoulder.

-Excuse me, can you let me pass through? All the other rows are occupied. – Lexa looked up, seeing a face that she definitely didn't want to see, her cousin Luna. – Oh… it's you. Will you get up? I need to sit before the professor gets here. – Luna's expression went from nice and warm to cold and harsh, the moment she realized it was Lexa.

-Yeah. Nice to see you too. – Lexa got up, letting her cousin pass by. – I had no idea you were in this class.

-Well, that makes two of us. – Luna sat down next to Lexa and started taking her stuff out, for class, just as the professor started walking in.

-Good morning to you all. I know it's early and I know that, like me, you'd all prefer to be in bed. But God knows why, you decided to come to my class, so if you're here, you'll be quiet and pay attention, otherwise you can go back to bed, I wouldn't judge you, at all. – Lexa looked down, to the front of the auditorium, seeing this beautifully dressed, blonde woman walk in. Her professor was… _Well, for lack of better words, HOT. Now, there's a reason to come to this class._ – My name is Niylah, and no, you don't have to know how to write it. – The entire auditorium seemed as impressed for the professor as Lexa, because silence had taken over it. _She must be so young, I mean she can't be 30, can she?_

Lexa's class went by really fast, the 4 hours of it, Lexa took all the notes, on the class and on the professor. It had been hard to take her eyes off from the woman. In the middle of all her drooling over her professor, Lexa had wished she was any good at drawing, so she could've drawn her. She had to make do with her memory and the fact that she would see her Friday again, for another 4-hours' class.

Lexa was closing her bag pack when her pocket buzzed. She reached for her phone, smiling when she saw it was a message form Clarke.

 **Clarke:**

Where are you? The breaks are supposed to be used.

 **Lexa, The Commander:**

I was just about to leave the classroom, but I still have one last class. Also, your college campus is like 15 minutes away from mine, and that's the duration of my break.

 **Clarke:**

If you stopped being such a smart ass and just got outside, you'd probably understand 😊

Lexa left the building, looking at her phone, to see the time, not wanting to be late for her next class.

-Don't worry, dork, you still have 10 minutes until next class. – Lexa looked up from her phone, almost bumping into a smiling Clarke.

-Hey! What are you doing here?

-Told you, you'd understand my message if you got outside. I finished my classes for today.

-So soon? Aren't you supposed to be a med student? Why does it seem like you have less classes then I do?

-That's not true. Wednesdays are just my "free" day, I only have one class.

-Why are you here? If I were you I had gone back to bed.

-Thanks, Lex, for appreciating my presence so much. – Clarke feigned a pout.

-Just being honest. Also, I never said I didn't appreciate your presence.

-Ok ok, I accept your apologies. – Clarke gave Lexa a short hug. – So, can I go to class with you. After, we could go to lunch somewhere around here. We have to know more of Polis, I'm not satisfied with just knowing the colleges' campuses. We should go on an adventure to know Polis, this afternoon. What do you think? – Lexa wanted to say that she needed to study, but the look of hope and happiness in Clarke's face was one hard to say no to.

-Ok… Let's go explore Polis. But you have to let me pay attention in class. – Clarke hugged Lexa again, this time giving her a kiss on the cheek.

-It'll be like I'm not even there. – Clarke pretended to close an invisible zip on her mouth, locking it with an invisible key, that she threw away in the end. Lexa just laughed at her friend.

-Let's go then, I don't want to be late. – Lexa started walking towards her next classroom, Clarke following her right by her side, with a dopey smile on her face.

They entered the auditorium, a different one from the one from her first class, it was a smaller one, cozier. Clarke followed Lexa in, sitting in the chair right next to her. Lexa started taking her stuff out, for class.

-I'll only need a pencil and a sheet, please. – Lexa ripped off a sheet of her notebook and gave it to Clarke, not questioning her friend's reasons.

The class started and soon Lexa realized how hard it was to pay attention to what her professor was saying, when right beside her, Clarke was drawing something, with her tongue poking out of her mouth and a wrinkle on her forehead. Nonetheless, Lexa did her best to take notes on the subject, and to be focused on what was being said in class.

When the bell finally rang, Lexa looked at Clarke, over to what she was so focused drawing. Before she could take a peek and see the drawing, Clarke covered it with her hands.

-Nope. Not finished yet.

-Really? You spent the entire class drawing and it's not finished yet? What are you drawing, anyway?

-You. – Lexa was definitely not expecting that answer, that being the reason why she went speechless. – Your jawline was just to die for, while you were all focused on the professor, I just couldn't help myself, I had to draw you.

-I'm sorry, but did you just say my jawline was to die for? – Lexa couldn't help herself, starting to laugh at her friend.

-I just said I was drawing you, and that was what you captured? – Clarke bumped Lexa in the shoulder, with no intention to hurt her, but to stop her from laughing.

-Sorry, I'll stop laughing. – Lexa went on with putting her stuff back into her bag, getting ready to leave the auditorium.

-You're so cocky sometimes, it's annoying.

-What? You were the one saying it, not me. – Clarke put the drawing in Lexa's bag, hiding it from her.

-Come on you, let's go to lunch, I'm starving. – Lexa closed her bag and followed Clarke out of her college campus.

-Ok, ok, I'm going. So, where do you want to go? Any ideas?

-Well, actually… - Lexa smiled, knowing exactly that her friend would have a plan in her mind.

-I'll just follow, whatever you choose.

-Good. It's close by, don't worry. – Clarke grabbed Lexa by the hand and started walking. Lexa followed, with her eyes shifting between their linked hands and the path in front of them. Her hands stayed together through the entire walk. _Why hasn't she let go of my hand? Not that I'm complaining, but… I mean, do friends hold hands in the street?_

-We're here! – Clarke stopped abruptly, making Lexa bump into her.

-Sorry. Where are we exactly? – Lexa looked around them. They were in a narrow street with no exit, it looked rather creepy. – Clarke, did you bring me here so you could… I don't know, do something illegal? – Clarke laughed hysterically at Lexa.

-Something illegal? What do you have in mind? – _These times, mostly you…_ but Lexa didn't have the time to answer, nor she wanted to answer that. - I just brought you here for the best pizza of Polis, of course.

-Pizza? Here? Where exactly? I don't see a restaurant anywhere.

-That's because you're not looking at the right place. – Clarke stepped closer to Lexa, and with her thumb and index finger, reached for Lexa's chin, making her look up. – There. Last floor. – Lexa had to force her eyes to look up at the sky, because her brain was lost in the blue sky from Clarke's eyes, instead of looking at the real sky above her. And there it was, at the top of the building in front of them, a terrace. Lexa could see a few tables, the ones closer to the rail.

-How did you find this place?

-Where everyone finds it, the internet. I searched for the best pizza in Polis. – _Of course, she did._ Lexa smiled in her mind. These little characteristics about Clarke always made her happy, it just made her fall for Clarke even more. Something she thought wasn't possible, but then Clarke would appear in front of her, just being Clarke, and Lexa would find out that it was indeed possible for her to fall for Clarke even more, every day she had the same realization. – Why are you smiling? – It looked like, this time, Lexa wasn't just smiling in her mind.

-Why shouldn't I be smiling?

-True, but do you have any reason to be smiling right now? Like, are you just happy, or did I say something funny?

-Both, I guess…

-Good. -Clarke smiled too, grabbing Lexa's hand once again, not asking for any other explanation as to why Lexa was smiling. Clarke walked to the front door of the building, ringing the bell.

-Are you sure this is a restaurant? What kind of restaurant has a bell? – It looked just like an entrance to a regular building, nowhere could it be seen something indicating there was a restaurant in that building.

* Good afternoon ladies. Would you wish to come in? *

-Yes, please. – Clarke answered and the door was unlocked. Her friend pushed the door open and walked in, heading straight for the elevators. Lexa just followed, still trying to understand where the voice had come from. A dark corner in her mind kept saying they were walking into a trap, but then she had seen the tables on the rooftop, and people.

-Clarke, how can you be so sure of all this? Have you ever been here?

-No, but I saw it all on the internet. This place is known for its mystery. Trust me, you're going to love it, once we reach the terrace. It's beautiful from up there. – They walked into the elevator, and Clarke let go of Lexa's hand. At the loss of contact Lexa looked at Clarke, trying to understand what had changed, but nothing. Clarke was still radiant, probably thinking about the pizza she was going to eat. Only now, that she didn't have it anymore, she found how much she wanted the contact. Something so simple as holding hands, but in that moment, for Lexa, it seemed like everything.

-Good afternoon, ladies. Even more beautiful in person. – The elevator doors were open, letting them see a tall and dark woman, dressed in her work uniform, black pants, black shirt and a red vest, with a red bowtie around her neck. The elevator opened inside of the restaurant, they could see the tables and the entrance balcony. It wasn't overcrowded, probably due to its mystery. Lexa thought it was a romantic restaurant, everywhere she looked, all she saw were couples sitting close and sharing passionate looks and little touches.

-Thank you… - Clarke bent slightly forward, trying to read the little nameplate, on the girl's vest. - …Amber. You're very pretty yourself. – Lexa just stayed beside Clarke, gaping at their conversation. Never had Clarke been so straight forward and talkative.

-So, a table for two?

-Yes. If possible, closer to the rail, please.

-Ok. I think I still have one table closer to the rail. Follow me. – Amber smiled at Lexa and disappeared into the restaurant.

-She's so tall, and so pretty, isn't she? – Clarke whispered into Lexa's ear, not wanting the waitress to hear her.

-She is indeed. Very nice, too. – They followed Amber through the restaurant, finally reaching the terrace. The tables were shielded from the sun by an awning and everywhere she looked she saw flowers. The walls were almost covered in its entirety by a plant, called _Bougainvillaea_ , its branches would stretch forever, reaching everywhere, helping to shield the sun. It looked beautiful, Lexa felt like she was in a garden. All she could do was stare with her mouth hanging open, from amazement.

-Here. – Amber showed them a table in the corner, between the rail and a wall. – I hope one of you doesn't mind sitting with her back close to the plant. It smells great, but sometimes the customers don't like it, because they fear the bugs, or something.

-I don't mind at all. – Lexa would love to eat in the wilderness all the time, if that was a possibility. – It's the perfect table, thank you.

-I'll be right back to collect your orders then. – Amber left two menus on the table and went back inside, or to serve other customers, Lexa didn't follow the waitress, her eyes being too busy still looking everywhere, trying to name all the flowers in that terrace. She could smell the sweet orange flower, searching for it in her peripheral view. Meanwhile, Clarke had already sat down in her chair, looking to the view of Polis. Lexa had been so engaged looking at the terrace itself, that she hadn't yet noticed the view from the rooftop.

-You can sit down, you know? – Lexa was still too astonished by it all, not being able to move.

-Right. You're right. – Lexa sat on her chair, in front of Clarke.

-Isn't it beautiful? I mean, just look at this view.

-It's amazing… It's blissful, actually… - Lexa's eyes moved back to Clarke, staying there a little bit, enjoying the movement of Clarke's golden hair, caused by the fresh breeze. When she finally looked at the view, her breath got caught on her throat for a while. _I think this might just be my favorite place in the world._

-I'm sorry to interrupt your gazing, but are you ready to order? – They had been both so lost in their surroundings, that they hadn't even bother to look at the menus in front of them. The moment Amber brought them to reality, they must've had it written all over their faces, because Amber just looked at them and got her answer. – Maybe I'll give you a little more time. I always forget that newbies in this place always take longer. I'll be right back. – Amber smiled once again at Lexa before leaving them, but this time the smile was also noticed by Clarke.

-I think Amber might have a thing for you.

-A thing?

-Yeah, she just smiled at you, and she has been checking you out, from the moment we walked in.

-What? No… She's just being nice, that's all.

-Sure… We'll see then. – Clarke grabbed her menu and started reading her options. Amber came back to her table a few minutes after.

\- So, have you girls decided?

-Yes. I'll have the Hawaiian pizza, please.

-And the other lady? – Amber had a big smile on her face looking at Lexa with sweet eyes, waiting for her to order.

-I think I'll have pasta instead, then I'll taste a little bit of your pizza, if that's ok.

-Fine by me, I want to taste your pasta too.

-I'll have the Pesto pasta, then.

-An amazing choice, I've tasted it myself, it's great. And drinks? If I may, we have this red fruits' sangria, that it's just perfect. – Lexa looked at Clarke, both asking each other if they were ok with the sangria.

-Sangria it is. It's not like we'll be driving. – They both laughed. Clarke trying to make Amber look at her for more than just a few seconds.

-Ok. Would you like garlic bread for an entrance?

-Yes, sure.

-Ok, I hope you enjoy the view. I'll be back with the food in a few minutes. – Amber disappeared once again, letting them enjoy each other's company.

-Please, tell me you saw that. – Lexa couldn't lie anymore. Amber was indeed checking her out. It had been too obvious for her not to see, or ignore.

-Ok, I did see that, but maybe it's nothing. It's not like she's hitting on me, or something.

-Let's make a bet, then. If by the end of our lunch she gives you her number, I win, if she doesn't, you win.

-And what do I win exactly? – Lexa made a mischievous smile.

-You can stop with that smirk of yours. If I win, I want pancakes. Your pancakes.

-Ok, but if I win… - Lexa knew what she wanted, but it wasn't something she could win on a bet. – If I win, I get to bring you with me, in one of my morning runs. – The smile on Clarke's face disappeared.

-Do you hate me that much? I thought you were my friend. – Clarke started to pout. – I hate running…

-I thought you were sure you would win.

-There's the smirk again. Not funny, Lexa! You do know that I'll be dying after 5 minutes of running, right?

-Clarke, I would never do that to you. I'll take you on a beginners' run, obviously.

-Yeah, right…

Amber returned, this time with food and the famous sangria.

-Here you have, ladies. – Amber poured two glasses of sangria and left again, not without hungrily looking and smiling at Lexa, once again.

-I'm so going to win this bet. – It looked like Clarke had regained her confidence.

-We'll see. – The truth was, Lexa would win either way, because she would get to spend more time with Clarke both ways, and she also loved her pancakes.

-She wasn't lying though, this sangria is indeed, perfect. – Clarke raised her glass to Lexa. – Cheers?

-What are we cheering to? – Lexa raised her glass as well, clinking it with Clarke's.

-I don't know… To new adventures, or to pizza. – They both laughed at the latter one.

-To new adventures and hidden places just like this one. – _To more moments with you…_

The food was all great and tasteful. Clarke loved her pizza and half of a 1L jar of sangria was now running in her veins, just enough to make her feel more uninhibited, but not enough to get her drunk. She felt like a grownup. She also felt like that lunch had a weird atmosphere, it didn't feel just like a lunch between two friends. _Maybe I shouldn't have chosen this place… This is way too romantic, but it said it was the best pizza in Polis._ She just didn't want to send the wrong message to Lexa, although she was no longer sure of what the right or wrong message was. She loved spending time with Lexa. Every time she thought about going on adventures, or trying new places, the first person that crossed her mind was Lexa. She wanted to share all those new memories with her. _Lexa is the first person I want to share my news with. Is that normal? Am I supposed to feel like this about a friend?_ Clarke kind of knew the answer to her question, but she just didn't want to face that answer, not yet. _But then, when? When will I know? When will I be sure?_

Clarke's rambling thoughts were interrupted by a click from a camera. She turned her face to the origin of the sound. Lexa was taking a picture of her, with her phone.

-I want to see that. – Lexa showed her the picture. It was rather beautiful, something Clarke wasn't used to think about herself, but Lexa had captured her in such a beautiful way. – That's a great photo, I even look pretty.

-You are beautiful, Clarke. You would stay pretty in any picture I would take. – Lexa always knew what to say to make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She felt the heat coming up her chest, installing on her cheeks. She was blushing. _How I hate that I blush so easily…_

-Thanks…

-So, ladies, anything for desert? – Amber was back, completely ruining their moment. Not that Clarke was upset or jealous, or anything like that. _We're just friends. Friends._ Clarke kept repeating that word, over and over again, in her mind, every time Amber would come to their table, all smiles and giggles to Lexa.

-I don't think I can eat anything else. – Clarke answered, although Amber was expecting Lexa to answer instead.

-It will just be the check, please. Thanks. – Lexa answered finally, making Amber smile again, never looking away.

-Ok, I'll be right back. – Amber took her plates and went inside.

-God, could she be more obvious? It's like I'm not even here. She seemed so nice at the beginning…

-At least that probably means you'll win the bet. – Clarke smiled. Once again, Lexa knew exactly how to keep away her frustration caused by Amber. – Also, the food was really good, and the sangria was indeed perfect.

Amber returned just a few minutes later, with the check.

-Here it is. – Lexa offered to pay it immediately, not giving Clarke time enough to even see the bill.

-Really, Lexa? We could've shared.

-You pay the next one, it's perfectly fine. – Clarke knew her friend was wealthy, but she didn't need to pay stuff for Clarke.

They were already reaching for the elevator, when Amber called for Lexa.

-Excuse me, lady, I think you dropped something. – They both turned back, but Amber was only talking with Lexa, and Clarke soon found out why. Amber gave Lexa a piece of paper, gave another lovely smile and walked away. – Have a nice day.

It was only when they were already inside of the elevator, that Lexa saw what the piece of paper really was.

-It's her number. You won the bet. – Clarke looked at the piece of paper. It was a napkin, with the waitress' name and her number under it. Clarke couldn't believe that the woman had actually done it.

-Wow… I knew I would win the bet, but at the same time, I wasn't sure she would really do it. It was so smooth, though. The way she did it. Just, wow. – Lexa had a slightly perplex look on her face, while looking at the napkin. – Why the look? Have you never get a number from a girl?

-Not really, no. I mean… I don't know. It just wasn't that professional of her to do this. How am I supposed to return to this place?

-You're right, but we could always come back another day, but instead, during the night. She probably won't be there, and the view must be magnificent as well.

-The truth is, I just feel weird about this, like, what am I supposed to do with this?

-I don't know. Did you like her? In my opinion, you have two options, or you throw that way or you keep it. Simple as that. – _Please throw it away._ Clarke wasn't sure why she wanted that, but that thought crossed her mind immediately. _Am I jealous? God! What's wrong with me? I tell her I'm not ready, but then I don't want her to move on with someone else._

-I don't want this. – Lexa crumpled the napkin and threw in the closest trash bin. – Moving on then, what's the next point on our adventure map?

-Chilling? I'm too full to move. Could we go to my room and just, you know, lay there for a while?

-That's fine by me. – Lexa smiled and bowed dramatically to Clarke. – After you, my lady.

-God! I don't think I can hear the word lady for the next month. – They both laughed at their new shared hatred for the word lady.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in Clarke's residence. They had planned on getting out eventually, and go for a walk, but after an hour sitting on Clarke's bed, practically asleep, neither one of them wanted to move.

Clarke was feeling so sleepy and so comfortable, with her head on Lexa's lap. Lexa had been playing with her hair, only helping for her to feel even more sleepy. Her eyes were closed, although she wasn't asleep, not wanting to miss the contact. Laying there, in her bed, not thinking about anything, just simply being, it felt so calm and relaxing.

Suddenly Lexa's hand stopped moving. Clarke opened her eyes and repositioned herself, so that she could look at her friend.

-Woa! Sorry… I didn't want to interrupt anything. Next time, Clarke, you should put something on the door, like a sock, or a paper. – Lexa was staring at Raven, who had just entered the room, with all her radiant and contagious energy, changing the atmosphere in the room.

-You're not interrupting anything. We were just chilling. – Clarke got up, sitting beside Lexa.

-No need to move girls! I just came to get something, I'll be right out. – Raven went straight to her closet, opening the doors. The inside of Raven's closet was a complete mess, that being the reason why she was taking so long to find whatever it was she was looking for. – Clarke, have you seen my box? It's like this big black box, with "BOOM" written on it. – Clarke looked around the room, seeing that said box on Raven's secretary. _I wonder what is inside that box. Not something good, for sure._

-Isn't it that box on your secretary? – Raven closed her closet, going to get her box, that was indeed on her secretary.

-Thanks, Clarke! See you later! – Raven was already on her way out the door. – Lexa, this Staurday we're planning on having a party on our residence's floor. You're coming, right? Of course, you're coming. See you! – Raven shut the door behind her, letting the two girls sunk in the new information.

-Another party? – Just like Lexa, that had been the first-time Clarke had heard about the party.

-Don't look at me like that. I'm hearing this for the first-time as well.

-I think I can come, it's not like I have anything to do on Saturday. – Lexa was stretching herself, her shirt rising a little, letting Clarke take a peek at Lexa's toned abs. _I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to feel like this about my friend's abs…_ Her mouth went dry and her mind started playing memories from the night they had kissed. – Clarke? – Her eyes snapped back up, but she still felt like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. Lexa's face was neutral, which meant, Clarke hadn't been caught after all. – Are you going to the party?

-I have to. It's going to be on my floor, it's not like I can choose not to go. Although, I'm pretty sure this will just be a party with the group, like the guys from the reception party. It will be more like a gathering. – Clarke wasn't so sure she wanted another party, the memories from the last one were still so fresh on her mind. _It was last weekend. One week. This college life is going to destroy my liver._

-Sounds good. Also, we have to enjoy the party life now, while we still can, because soon we'll be lost in studying for tests and stuff. – Lexa had a point.

-You're right. Let's go party hard this Saturday! – Clarke screamed with a fake enthusiasm, scaring Lexa.

-Maybe not as hard as the last one though… - Clarke wasn't expecting for Lexa to mention the last weekend. The atmosphere changed drastically, both not knowing how to react. – I mean, I don't want you to suffer a liver cirrhosis. – Lexa tried to emend the situation, not being successful at it.

-Yeah… right, that… - Clarke sat up straighter, moving away from Lexa. There was now a weird space between them.

They stayed in silence for what looked like an eternity of awkwardness. Both wanting to say something, but neither one having the courage to say it. They had spent such a wonderful afternoon together, and now there they were, both in silence, like complete strangers. Clarke felt like screaming. _This is all my fault!_

-Maybe I should go, you know? I still want to read some stuff for tomorrow classes. – Lexa stood up. Clarke stood up as well.

-Lexa… - Lexa looked at Clarke. Those deep and understanding green eyes. Before she could think twice, Clarke threw her arms around Lexa's neck, burying her face on Lexa's shoulder. – I'm sorry… For last weekend. – Clarke felt two strong and soft hands moving her away by the shoulders. And there they were again, those forest green eyes, looking right through her.

-I wasn't judging you when I said that, I was just worried.

-I know, but I just… I hate this! This awkwardness between us. We were fine the entire afternoon, and then it just got weird. – _Why do I have to be so indecisive? I like her, isn't that enough to try?_ Maybe it could be, but Clarke didn't feel right doing that with Lexa. _I don't want to give her false hope._

-Clarke, I can see those gears turning inside your brain. You don't have to worry about me. Just take your time, to find yourself, to know yourself. I'll be here, as a friend. Ok?

-Ok… - But it didn't feel ok. _But maybe she's right… I have to figure myself out, or this awkwardness between us won't disappear._

-And now, I really have to go. See you Saturday?

-Hum hum…

-Don't think too much, or you'll drive yourself crazy. – Lexa grabbed her bag pack and headed for the door.

-Text me when you get home.

-I will.

The door closed behind Lexa, and suddenly Clarke felt alone. She let her body sink in her bed, her mind going crazy reliving everything from their afternoon together. _Maybe I should try and get some space between us, just until I figure things out… Otherwise, I won't let myself think about anything else but her. I need to know if I could see myself with her. Physical attraction isn't love. God! What a mess! What should I do? I need to talk with someone. I need someone to vent about this._ Lexa crossed her mind, her friend was always the one she went to, to vent about stuff, but this time, that wasn't possible. Her dad crossed her mind too, _but that's just weird. Octavia looks like someone who would give great advices._ Just as she was thinking about her friend, Octavia entered the room, a smile in her face.

-Octavia, can I talk with you? – It was now, or never.

-Ok… Hello to you too. What's wrong? – Octavia dropped her stuff on her bed and went to sit on Clarke's bed. – Shoot. You look like you're about to explode.

-Right… - _Now, words. Which words to use?_ – You see, I think I might go crazy if I don't talk with someone about this.

-Yeah, I can see that. Is everything ok?

-I think so… It's about me and Lexa. You see-

-You're dating, right?

-What? No!

-Really? Sorry, then. We just assumed, because you're so close, and the way she looks at you…

-Well… It's complicated… - _Too complicated…_

-She likes you, but you don't know, am I close?

-Is it that obvious?

-That she likes you? Yes. That you're a total mess about it? Not really, I just got that now.

-She's my best friend… I like her, I find her attractive, I mean, who doesn't, right? – Octavia nodded in agreement with her. – We kissed, and I want to kiss her sometimes, like really want to kiss her. But that's it. – _It's not exactly just that, though…_

-It usually starts with that. What you have to question yourself is, do you see yourself in a relationship with her? Like, do you see yourself having a future with a woman?

-I don't know. It's not like I have something to compare it with.

-You've never kissed a boy?

-Yes, but that's it. I never felt this way about a boy. She makes me feel stuff I never felt before, and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept all that, not without being sure about my sexuality.

-I understand that. You see, sexuality is something fluid, and is something you're supposed to experiment. If you still have doubts, then maybe you should find out how does it feel with other people. I'm sure she'll understand.

-She will, I know she will. But what if I find that I can never be more than just friends with her, I don't want to make her wait for something I'm not sure I can give her.

-And what if you find out, that you actually can. You can't suffer in anticipation, it'll drive you crazy. Just don't overthink it, feel it. Let yourself go. You can always ask Raven how it was with her. You know she's bisexual, right? She probably went through something close to what you're going through right now. Lexa will be fine, if, like you said, she's your best friend, then she'll be just happy for you. You have to be selfish sometimes, and think about yourself first. – Clarke let all that sink in. It made sense, what Octavia was saying.

-Thanks. That actually helped. I'm sorry for venting on you.

-Totally fine, that's what roommates/friends are for. – Octavia laughed and got up, going into the bathroom. – I'm going to take a shower. What do you want for dinner? My mom sent me food, but it's so much that I think I could feed the entire residence.

The rest of the night went smoothly. Clarke had dinner with Octavia, chatting about their classes and the party that was to come. Later in the night, Raven returned, her face and hands black, dirty from smoke, and the biggest smile on her lips. She closed the door behind her, dropping her box on her bed.

-You won't believe the evening I had…


	14. Chapter 14

Lexa had no idea how she had reached that state of hazy drunkenness. She was looking at her own figure, reflected on the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were half-closed and her mouth tasted like black vodka, that sweet bitterness was starting to make her feel sick. She could hear the music and voices, coming from outside the bathroom. Lexa washed her face a few times, trying to regain the strength to rejoin the people at the party. She had no idea what time it was, or how exactly she had let herself get that drunk. Or maybe she did… She remembered getting to the residence, she remembered being late, the party had already started. She remembered getting up the stairs and into the hallway and… _Right… Clarke._ Clarke was the reason she was so drunk. Her eyes had only seen one thing, once she looked at Clarke and that was, she wasn't alone. Lexa remembered walking in and seeing Clarke in her short fluid black dress, but there were two hands in Clarke's waist, two hands that weren't hers. Clarke had been dancing, _way too close_ , with Bellamy, _or whatever his name is._ She hadn't even been able to say anything to Clarke. She was at that party for about an hour now, and Clarke hadn't even looked at her. Therefore, Lexa had found her way to every drinking game at that party. She played beer-pong, winning the two times, she played flip-the-cup, also winning the three times she played the game, she had even ended up playing never have I ever, with a group of people where she only knew Jasper. That bringing her to that moment, in the bathroom, staring at her own reflection.

Lexa wanted to leave the party the moment she saw Clarke in someone else's arms, but somehow, she had stayed. As much as she didn't want to see Clarke with someone else, she had been the one telling her that she would wait, that she would give her time to find herself. _Well, it looks like she's finding herself, alright!..._ She had no right to be mad, but she couldn't help it. She was mad, and broken. She couldn't stop feeling jealousy. She wanted Clarke to be hers. _She's just my friend. She's not mine. Keep it together, Lexa!_ Lexa just kept repeating that to herself, to keep her from doing something stupid.

Lexa washed her face one more time, finally getting the courage to leave the bathroom. She was about to reach for the door, when someone got in, almost bumping into her.

-Oops. Sorry. – Lexa looked at the girl that had just got in. The girl was pretty. – Hi there… Hadn't notice it was you… - _Wait what? Does she know me?_ Lexa's eyes met the girl's. Deep brown eyes stared right back at her.

-Sorry, but, do I know you?

-Nope, I don't think so. I'm Naila. – Naila came closer to Lexa. _Way too close._ – They were right, you do smell nice. – _What!?_ Lexa took a step back.

-What? What did you say?

-A few girls said you smelled good. I had to be sure. – _Now, there's something I never thought I'd hear._ – What's your name? I told you mine, it's only fair that you tell me yours.

-Right… I'm Lexa.

-Lexa… - Naila let the "L" roll slowly in her tongue, wittingly, making it impossible for Lexa's drunk mind not to take special attention to it. – I like it. So, Lexa, what are you doing here?

-What do you mean? I just came to wash my face. – Naila laughed pretentiously.

-I meant, here in this party. You don't live here. With whom did you come?

-Ohh, right… I know the girls from the room 307.

-Raven and Octavia?

-Yeah, and Clarke.

-The blonde girl? – Naila scrunched her nose at Clarke's name, as if she had just smelled something disgusting. It made Lexa feel protectively towards Clarke. – She's really quiet, I don't know her that well. But I would like to know YOU better…

Lexa had no idea how, but Naila had been able to corner her against the wall. Without noticing, Lexa had been stepping back every time Naila took a step closer to her, now not having anywhere to run.

-And why is that?

-I'm not really sure. You just seem like someone I would want to know. – _Well that was specific…_ Naila took her last step, finally making contact with Lexa. She reached one hand to her neck, bringing Lexa's face closer. – They have no idea how good you smell…

Lexa wanted to move, but at the same time she didn't. Naila was pretty, not exactly someone she would choose to date, but if the girl wanted to kiss her, Lexa couldn't see a reason to not kiss her back.

The moment Naila's lips were about to touch hers, they were interrupted, by someone walking into the bathroom. The blonde hair was the first thing Lexa saw, that being enough for her to remember the exact reason why she didn't want to be kissing Naila. _Clarke._ Clarke was the one she wanted to kiss. Lexa didn't push Naila away soon enough, she could see that in Clarke's face.

-Huh… - The green from Lexa's eyes reached the clear blue from Clarke's eyes, and they stayed staring at each other for a few seconds, that felt like an eternity to Lexa. – Lexa… I…

-Clarke, I…

-I hadn't seen you yet, I thought you had decided not to come. I… Did you text me again? I haven't checked my phone in a while. – _Well, yes, I did text you, more than once._

-Yes, but… I just… You were with Bellamy when I got here, so I… - Clarke's expression changed. Lexa could see, _quilt? Embarrassment? And something else, that made her protective side kick in._

-You… you saw that? – _Was I supposed not to see? It wasn't like you were hiding, or something…_ \- I… We were dancing. Well, he asked me to dance. – Lexa wanted to be upset with Clarke, not deserving to be. But as soon as she looked at Clarke's eyes, every anger disappeared, all she wanted to do was hold her.

-Clarke, I'm not-

-Ok, so maybe I should leave you two alone. I'm starting to feel like a third wheel. – Lexa looked at Naila, who was still rather close to her personal space.

-No! I mean, you can stay, I'll leave. – Lexa looked back at Clarke. Those words left Clarke's lips, but in her eyes, Lexa could read something different.

-Maybe you should. – Now, both Clarke and Naila were looking at Lexa. One surprised and confused, the second one offended and maybe a little hurt. – I need to talk with Clarke.

-Sure… I'll look for you later – Naila had regained her flirtatious state, winking at Lexa before leaving the bathroom.

Before Clarke could say anything, Lexa grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into one of the toilets, closing the door. Lexa pushed Clarke against the wall, pressing her body on Clarke's body. With her forehead resting on Clarke's, their noses touching, and their lips a few inches apart. Clarke's pupils were so dilated, that the blue from her eyes got darker.

-Lexa… What ar-

Lexa silenced Clarke's question with her lips, crashing them against Clarke's. The kiss was hungrily and messy, being controlled by a drunk Lexa. Clarke opened her mouth, granting Lexa passage, but only for a second. Immediately, Lexa felt two hands on her shoulders, pushing her away. Clarke pushed Lexa against the wall behind her. Being inside a cubicle had its privileges.

-What was that for? – Clarke was still pushing Lexa against the wall, her arms stretched in front of her, her face looking down.

-I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't… - Lexa's drunk mind was starting to dissipate, Clarke's reaction bringing her logic mind back, that meaning, Lexa was now re-thinking her decision to kiss Clarke. She was drunk, that had been the only reason she had done it, she knew that. She also knew that, she should've had learned with the first time, that she shouldn't kiss Clarke while drunk.

-You're drunk.

-I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry Clarke. I'll leave. – Lexa tried to move, but Clarke didn't weaken her push, making it impossible for Lexa to leave.

-Why did you do that? – _Why?_ Lexa was definitely not expecting that question. _Why?_ But it just got all out, maybe the drunk part of her mind still had a little bit of control over her.

-Because I'm drunk, because I wanted to, because I just couldn't let you think I want anyone else other than you. – At that, Clarke looked up. Her eyes finally facing Lexa's face again. Lexa tried to read her friend's face, but she had no idea how, because she had never seen those expressions on Clarke's face. Her eyes were no longer dark, they were blue, so blue, like if she had been… _Crying… Is she crying? What have I done?_

-I tried… - _What?_ Clarke's voice broke in between those two words. _She is crying. Did I make her cry? Fuck…_ \- I tried to move away…

-Clarke? What happened? What's wrong? I'm sorry for kissing you. I won't do it again. – _I should have learned my lesson from the first time I kissed her. Stupid Lexa._

Clarke was sitting on her bed, that was now a kind of sofa, due to the party that was starting. She was already on her third beer. Lexa had texted her saying she would be a little late. Octavia and Raven were, God knew where, already playing some drinking game. Clarke had plans for that party, she was going to talk with Lexa about her conversation with Octavia. The memory of the afternoon spent with Lexa was still fresh on her mind. Clarke had spent the entire Friday thinking stuff through. She had come to a decision, but she needed to talk with Lexa first.

Clarke was staring at her empty cup, not really seeing it, being too focused on her own thoughts.

-Are you waiting for the cup to re-fill by itself? – Her mind finally saw the empty cup that her eyes had been staring at. – Here, I brought you a drink.

-Thanks, but I- - Clarke looked up, seeing the nice guy that was bringing her a drink. – Bellamy?

-Good to know you still remember my name. – Bellamy sat down next to her, replacing her empty cup with the one he had brought for her. Not even asking if he could, it was like he was the owner of the place. Clarke felt weird with the closeness. _We met only once, it's not like we're best friends or something._ But at the same time the friendly smile on Bellamy's face, made it easier for her to be comfortable around him. – So, where is your bodyguard?

-My what?

-The girl who's always with you. What was her name? Alex?

-You mean Lexa?

-Yeah, that!

-She's not my bodyguard. She's my friend.

-Oh… is that so? My bad, then. I just thought, because of the way she's always hovering over you, and the way she looks at the guys close to you.

-You know, if you're trying to have a nice conversation with me, talking bad about my friend, would not be the best way to do it. – _What's wrong with this guy?_

-I brought you a drink though…

-Thanks, but I didn't ask for it, so…

-God… you don't make it easy, do you? – _What? Was I supposed to? What an asshole…_ \- I'm trying to get to know you better, Clarke. I think you look smart and you're pretty, so, I was just trying-

-Sorry… - Bellamy stopped talking, moving to look at Clarke, who was back at staring at her cup. – I just have a lot on my mind. – _Maybe I could try giving him a chance…_

-I could see that. That being one of the reasons I brought you a drink, you really looked like you needed one.

-Well, I might need more than one. – Clarke took a long gulp of her drink, almost emptying the cup in just one sip. _I'm going to need a lot more, to say what I want to Lexa, I think…_

-Whoa, easy there, tiger.

-Really? You bring me a drink, but now you're going to act like my mother?

-Not your mom, for sure. Drink it all if you want, I'll bring another one, when you finish that. – Clarke gulped the rest of her drink, pushing her empty cup on Bellamy, after.

-Good. You can bring me one now.

-It will be my pleasure, princess. – Bellamy got up, bowing, as if Clarke was royalty, taking her cup. The nickname stayed in her mind. _Princess…_ She hated that nickname, it was even worse than the one her dad used to call her. Both having a back story and reasons for her hate.

-Not a princess. – But Bellamy was already too far to hear her.

Clarke got a few minutes alone again, that she used to check her phone every 5 seconds, to look at the time or to see if Lexa had texted her again. She hadn't.

-Waiting for someone? – Bellamy was back, coming to find Clarke staring at her phone. _God, this guy doesn't give up._ Clarke was too anxious to let herself enjoy Bellamy's joyful personality.

-Not really. – _No need to talk about Lexa again._

-Good. I brought you that drink you needed. – Clarke accepted her cup back, taking a sip of her drink. The moment the liquid touched her lips, Clarke's face scrunched.

-What is this? – Clarke had been drinking beer, not wanting to get too drunk. But apparently, Bellamy had something else in mind, because he had brought her something way stronger than beer.

-Vodka red bull. I thought you'd might like it. – _More like, vodka with a sip of red bull…_

-Really? Because I can only taste the vodka.

-Too strong for you, princess? – Bellamy gave her a smirk. It only made Clarke think of Lexa. That smirk on Bellamy's face didn't have the same effect as Lexa's. That look on Bellamy's face made her want to prove something. Lexa's smirk made her all fuzzy inside, a little mad too, but mostly joyful and warm. Also, the "princess" in the end, once again, it hit her like nothing else. – I thought you were a girl who could handle her drink. – At that Clarke drank the entire content of her cup.

-Happy? – Clarke had no idea why she had done it, and she was already regretting it, but Bellamy made her feel like that, like she had to prove herself. And she didn't like that, at all.

-That's my girl! – _Your girl?_ – You go, princess!

-Why do you call me a princess? – She had decided to give him a chance, maybe he could be the one to change the way she felt about that word.

-Because you look like a princess, all pretty and delicate. – _Are you serious?!_ – No need to make that face. – Clarke was upset about the reason and her face must've been transparent about it. Alcohol usually did that to Clarke, it made hard for her to control her emotions and reactions

-Well, I don't like it.

-Ok, then… - But Bellamy never stopped calling her princess. – Want to dance? – Clarke must've been already affected by the alcohol, because she found herself agreeing with that. The contagious smile could've also been a reason.

-Why not? Sure… - _Just sitting here won't take me anywhere. I'm sure Lexa will reach me, once she gets here._

-Yeah! Let's go dance! – Bellamy got up in one jump, all energetically and happy, turning to help Clarke getting up. _This guy is definitely way drunker than me._ – My, princ- I mean… - Bellamy offered his hand in silence, with a smile on his face. Clarke appreciated the effort of not calling her princess again.

-You really are excited to go dance. – Clarke got up by herself, ignoring Bellamy's hand, slowly and with close to no excitement. The moment she got up, the alcohol she had already ingested hit her all at once, making her legs wobble a little, that being enough for Bellamy to come forward, coming to hold her by the waist.

-Whoa, careful there, jell-o legs. – Bellamy's hands on her waist felt different and out of place. They were bigger, but not necessarily stronger. They held her differently, it felt weird not being held by Lexa's warm hands. Bellamy was taller than Lexa, Clarke had to look up, so that she could look him in the eyes. Bellamy was looking down on her, with a warm smile that reached his deep brown eyes. Clarke tried to push him away, putting her hands on his chest, but it had the opposite effect, because Bellamy didn't understand what she was trying to do, pulling her even closer to him. They were too close, Clarke felt uncomfortable. – Stable enough to go dance?

-Yes. – Clarke answered quickly, wanting to get out of his embrace as fast as possible. He did, letting her pass in front of him, following her to the dance floor, that being the hallway outside the rooms, where there was now a stereo system. There were already a lot of bodies grounding on each other, a lot of drunk people dancing at their own rhythm, one different from the music that was playing. It was something quite entertaining to watch. Clarke stayed at her room's entrance, for a moment, watching the sweaty bodies moving all together, until Bellamy grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd, stopping in the middle of the hallway, turning to face her again. _And there it is, that contagious smile again._ Bellamy placed one hand on Clarke's waist and another on her back. At first Clarke felt constrained, but soon the music started to make her body move. She took her hands and wrapped them around Bellamy's neck. They danced together for a while, their bodies getting closer with every new song. And then the song changed, making them dance apart from each other, not so close anymore. Clarke just forgot about everything for a while, letting herself go and enjoy the moment. Her blue locked with the deep brown from Bellamy's and she smiled, just like he was smiling. The alcohol certainly helped setting her inhibitions free. Soon she forgot about the fact that she was waiting for Lexa, not feeling the vibrations of her phone in her pocket. She didn't even notice when Lexa got in the hallway and looked at her, being too focused on Bellamy's moves, trying to keep up with him.

-You sure know how to move, princess. – There it was again, the princess. – Sorry, not princess.

-Better. – Bellamy laughed, taking one hand to stroke his wild hair, that was getting in his eyes.

-You should totally cut your hair, it's way too long. – Bellamy made a hurt face, taking his both hands to his chest, just like if he had been hit there.

-My brand image? No! Not my hair! – Clarke laughed at his reaction. _Such a diva…_

The music started to slow down, and with that, Bellamy brought their bodies closer. Too close. Clarke began to feel uncomfortable again, but at the same time she was enjoying dancing with him, so she didn't say anything. But soon, she found out that she should've said something. Bellamy's face was closer now too, and she couldn't find a reason for that, not until his lips were touching hers, vigorously. She was definitely not expecting for him to kiss her, that being the reason why she froze for a few seconds. His lips were moving on hers, but her mouth was frozen. She had the weirdest déjà vu ever. Although the reasons were completely different. Bellamy's lips were not as soft as Lexa's, and all she could think about was how much she wanted to be kissing Lexa and not Bellamy. That was when she got back the control of her own body, finally pushing Bellamy away. She pushed him with such force, that he ended up bumping against the people behind him.

-Whoa! Clarke? What was that for? – The smile was gone, his eyebrows being scrunched in slight anger and confusion. – What happened? Are you crying? – It was only then that Clarke felt the wetness in her eyes. _Why the hell am I crying?!_

-What? I am not. You just kissed me! – Clarke dried her eyes with her hands, keeping any tear from falling.

-Yeah, I know that. I thought you wanted.

-Why?!

-You know… the way you were looking at me and stuff.

-Are you kidding me? We were just dancing. I was having fun. I don't even know you that well.

-Clarke, come on… - Bellamy stepped forward reaching for Clarke's hand, but she moved it away, taking a step back, getting out of his reach. – Is that really necessary?

-Yes… - Clarke started to walk backwards, moving further away from him. – I'm going to go, now.

-Clarke… don't go. Let's just talk… - Bellamy couldn't even walk straight. _How didn't I notice he was this drunk? He seemed fine a few moments ago._

-I have to go to the bathroom. – That seemed to be the only way he would let her go.

-Clarke? – He tried to reach for her again, but Clarke turned away and got into her bedroom, going straight for the bathroom. – Clarke!...

Clarke walked into the bathroom, planning on going straight to one of the cubicles, and close herself in it, have some time alone. But all that changed the moment she locked eyes with what was happening inside the bathroom. Lexa was against the wall, with a girl Clarke had seen in her residence, on top of her. They seemed to be kissing, Clarke couldn't be sure, and that made her feel sick. Lexa kissing someone else made her feel sick, it also made her feel something in her heart, as if it couldn't beat properly, it felt like her heart had stopped at the view in front of her. It all happened in just a few seconds, but her mind played it so slow that it seemed like forever. The girl was pushed back, Lexa coming to look at her. Sorrow was spread all over Lexa's face. Their eyes connected and stayed connected until the girl interrupted their conversation.

-Maybe you should. – Those words made her heart hurt again, because they seemed to be directed at her. – I need to talk with Clarke. – At that her heartbeat relaxed again. If that was to go on for too long, Clarke wasn't so sure her heart would take it.

Clarke saw the other girl wink at Lexa flirtatiously, and she felt the need to punch that wink out of the girl's face. _I don't even know how to punch someone. What's wrong with me?_

When her eyes returned to Lexa, she had no time to say anything, Lexa pulled her inside one of the toilet cubicles. She felt the cold wall against her back when Lexa pushed her against it. But the cold didn't bother her, because immediately the warmth form Lexa's body reached her. Lexa was pressing her body on Clarke's, with their foreheads resting together, their noses touching and their lips a few inches apart. The green in Lexa's eyes was dark, the darkest Clarke had ever seen.

-Lexa… What ar- - Lexa silenced her question, crashing her lips together. Clarke once again was caught by surprise. Lexa was kissing her hungrily and drunkenly. Her lips were softer, but all she could see was Bellamy's body pressed against hers. She started to feel the tears forming in her eyes, and that was all she needed to push Lexa's back against the wall behind her, keeping her away.

-What was that for? – Clarke didn't feel capable of looking Lexa in the eyes, not wanting her friend to see her tears.

-I'm sorry… I just… I couldn't…

-You're drunk.

-I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry Clarke. I'll leave. – Lexa tried to move, but Clarke didn't weaken her push. _No! Don't leave…_

-Why did you do that? – Her voice was starting to break.

-Because I'm drunk, because I wanted to, because I just couldn't let you think I want anyone else other than you. – At that, Clarke looked up. Lexa had never been so straight forward about what she wanted. Her eyes finally saw Lexa's face again. Lexa hadn't yet seen the unfallen tears in Clarke's eyes. Clarke could see that her friend was trying to read her, trying to understand what was happening. But all Clarke could think about, was Bellamy kissing her and all the things she wanted to say to Lexa, but that now seemed something impossible to do.

-I tried… - Clarke's voice broke in between those two words. She could no longer hold her tears. She felt the first tear falling down her face. - I tried to move away… - She had the feeling of betrayal in her heart, not knowing why, because they were not together. But, both in her heart and mind, Bellamy's kiss had been a betrayal. She had betrayed Lexa.

-Clarke? What happened? What's wrong? I'm sorry for kissing you. I won't do it again. – _It's not you. It was never you…_ Clarke wanted to talk again, but the tears were making it harder for her.

-I tried… I… I don't even know why I'm crying! – She was angry at herself, for not being able to control her emotions. Lexa grabbed both her hands and placed them down, coming closer to her again. Clarke just let her head fall on Lexa's chest.

They stayed in silence. Back in Lexa's hold Clarke could let herself relax. Her tears slowly dried and her breath returned to normal speed, after a while. Lexa stayed the entire time holding her, one hand playing with Clarke's hair and the other slowly going up and down her back.

-I… I like you. – Her mouth was too dry, the words sounding rusty when leaving her lips. But it had been enough for Lexa to hear them. Lexa came to grab Clarke by the shoulders, pushing her away, just enough to look her in the eyes. Once blue met green, Clarke repeated the same words again. – I like you.

Lexa wasn't sure what to feel. She felt her heart trying to rip her apart, trying to get out. Clarke's eyes were so blue, due to the tears that had just stopped falling, leaving her face covered in invisible paths. She no longer felt drunk, she had stopped feeling drunk the moment Clarke started crying. But right now, she still felt like she had no control. She was left frozen, looking at the clear blue from Clarke's eyes, with her mouth hanging half-open, not knowing how to move or how to speak.

-I like you. I wanted to tell you this today. – _She said it again. Say something! Do something!_ – I like you.

Lexa's knees started to feel week and suddenly they were on the floor. She was kneeling, weak, in front of Clarke, looking up at her. All she was able to do was rest her head on Clarke. Her friend looked down at her and joined her, coming to kneel in front of her.

-Lexa? – Clarke used her hand to bring Lexa's face closer, resting their foreheads together.

-I… - it was the first thing that left Lexa's mouth. – I like you too. I like you. I like you. – The moment the words came out for the first time, Lexa couldn't stop them from coming out over and over again. – I like you, Clarke Griffin. – Clarke let out a giggle at hearing her full name leave Lexa's lips.

-I like you too, Lexa Woods. – They both laughed, her noses bumping and her lips coming even closer.

-Can I kiss you? – Lexa finally noticed that she should've asked that from the beginning. Clarke nodded in agreement.

Their lips connected like it was something they had spent their entire lives doing. The kiss was slow and warm, nothing like the previous one. They took their time tasting each other's lips, before finally opening their mouths to deepen the kiss. Both still on the floor, in a toilet cubicle. _What a place for a proper and real first kiss._ But that was far from being on their minds, both being lost in the kiss.

Their lips stayed glued together until they had to move away to breathe. They wanted to move, but they didn't want to move away from each other.

-Maybe we should get up?...

-Maybe we should. – They both giggled at each other, from being such goofy and lame people. Lexa got up, helping Clarke up, only to push her against the wall again, this time way slower and softly. Their lips connected once again, this time the kiss was slightly faster and hungrier, with wandering hands roaming each other's bodies.

The kiss was once again interrupted, this time by a knock on the door.

-Hey! There's people here trying to use the toilet! – They looked at each other with smiles on their faces and slightly embarrassed, feeling like a kid that had been caught eating candy before dinner. They opened the door and left the toilet, not looking at the girl that had knocked on the door.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and started walking out of the bathroom, into the room and then into the hallway. She was about to reach the stairs when she felt Clarke pulling back. She looked back to see Bellamy pulling Clarke to him. The boy was drunk and Lexa could see that just by looking at him.

-Clarke, where are you going? Were you leaving without saying goodbye? – Bellamy was slurring all his words, making it harder to understand what he was saying. _He probably won't remember this tomorrow._

-Yes, she was. – Lexa took Clarke's hand out of Bellamy's, putting herself in front of Clarke.

-Looks like your bodyguard is back. – Bellamy was looking Lexa in the eyes, in the defiance.

-She's not my bodyguard.

-Are you sure, princess? It sure looks like she is, to me. – Bellamy emphasized the word princess as something awful. Lexa didn't quite understand why, but it seemed to reach Clarke.

-Really? You're going to call me a princess again? – Clarke pushed Lexa aside, coming to face Bellamy herself.

-Yes. Just like I said, you look like a princess. All pretty and fragile. That must be why you need your bodyguard. – Clarke was standing in front of Lexa, with clenched fists. She wanted to stop Clarke before she would do something she would regret, but… ate the same time, Bellamy was being an asshole. _A drunk asshole is still an asshole._ – Was that why you ran away after we kissed? You went to get her. – _What?! Kissed? Now that's something new…_ The pieces started to fit in Lexa's mind, it all started to make sense. – Because, I was right, you are just some little. Fragile. Princ-

Bellamy was silenced by a fist in his nose, that although it hadn't been strong enough to knock him down, it would sure leave a mark in the next day. For a moment, Lexa thought she had been the one punching Bellamy, but she could feel her fists still clenched alongside her body. That's when she saw Clarke standing fiercely in front of Bellamy, with her fists no longer clenched. She had been so lost fitting all the pieces in her mind, that she hadn't been able to stop Clarke from doing the exact thing she knew she would regret tomorrow.

-Don't you ever call me that! Don't even think about it! I am not your princess! Never was. Never will be. And I moved away because I didn't want to kiss you, or is that something too hard for you to understand? – Clarke finished what she wanted to say to him and turned away, grabbing Lexa wrist and pulling her through the people that had started to surround them. Lexa felt out of place. She wasn't understanding all the hate Clarke felt towards the word "princess". – Let's go. I'm done with this party. Can we go to your apartment? – Lexa was still stupefied by all that had just happened, but she nodded in silence, letting herself be pulled outside.

-Are you ok? – Clarke stopped once they reached the street, looking at Lexa.

-I've never been happier. – Clarke smiled and gave Lexa a peck on the lips. – Although, my hand kind of hurts.

-That tends to happen, when you punch someone in the face. I'll get you ice, once we get to my apartment. – Before grabbing her phone to call a taxi, Lexa grabbed Clarke's face with both hands and kissed her passionately. – I just had to do that. – While Clarke was left frozen with surprise and astonishment, Lexa called for a taxi.

Lexa put her phone back in her pocket and turned to face Clarke. The adrenaline was starting to dissipate, and Clarke was now starting to realize what she had just done.

-Did I just punch Bellamy in the face? – Lexa nodded. – Why didn't you stop me? He was drunk! He's probably not going to remember any of it tomorrow…

-Well… you see… I had the intention to stop you, because I knew you would regret it, but I was too distracted trying to understand what you two were talking about. – Clarke's expression changed again. Lexa could see the same thing she had seen for the first time, at the bathroom.

-Right… That… He kissed me.

-Yeah, I had got to that part already. Was that why you were in the bathroom?

-Yes…

-But you didn't punch him because of the kiss, did you?... – _It was the "princess" …_

-Maybe a little… but not entirely, no… - Lexa could see Clarke was about to reveal something rather important about her past, once again, so she got closer to her friend. – I had this boyfriend, a few years ago. He's name was Finn and he was the popular hot guy from my school. We started dating when I was around 14. He was older, but just a year older. Everything was going well for the first months, but then he started to want more than just kissing and I was not ready for more. That's when he started to act like a moron. He used to call me princess. At first the name was said like a compliment. I was his princess. But when I stopped giving him what he wanted, "princess" started to be said with disdain. He never quite broke up with me. He just, one day, when I got to school, had spread the rumor that I was this virgin that liked to tease, that I was like a princess asking to be rescued and stuff like that. He said way worse words. So, yeah, I hate when people call me princess, because the meaning of the word was changed for me and I'm not a princess. – Clarke looked proud of herself. – I had told Bellamy, in the beginning of tonight, that I didn't like the nickname, so when he said it, he knew he was husting me, he did it on purpose. And although, probably, I shouldn't have punched him, because he didn't know the entire story, it was just stronger than me. I just felt like I was punching Finn, for everything he did to me, to be honest.

-That Finn guy truly seems like an asshole. I might not be able to control myself if I ever cross paths with him.

-Good. He's the one who deserved to be punched, not Bellamy.

-But Bellamy was not being nice either.

-I know… but he was wasted… he's going to hate himself tomorrow, and Finn felt proud of what he did.

-You're probably right. We'll see how he acts tomorrow when he wakes up.

The taxi stopped right in front of them and they got in, both in the backseat. Clarke got in after Lexa and came to sit close to her, her hands almost touching. The atmosphere inside the car was heavy. They both wanted to be closer, but neither knew if the other one would be ok with the closeness. The ride to Lexa's apartment was rather quick, maybe because they were too focused on each other's reactions.

Clarke was feeling confident and empowered, like she could do anything. Lexa's warm body was so close to hers. If she could she would be holding her hand, but the taxi driver spent the entire ride staring at them with a weird look, like he was judging them, so Clarke waited for Lexa to close her apartment's door, to threw herself at Lexa.

-Whoa… Hi there… - Lexa was caught by surprise, but she still caught her with ease. Clarke kissed her on the cheek before starting to kiss closer and closer to her lips. Little kisses until their lips touched. That kiss was not little. Lexa held her tighter and brought her even closer. The kiss felt like breathing, like if they were to stop kissing, they would die. – I don't know about you, but I really need to take a shower. – Lexa interrupted their kiss, and although Clarke agreed with her, she wanted to kiss her more than she wanted to take a shower. _Unless you take the shower together… Wait what?! Did I just think that?_

-Shower. Right. A shower seems like a great idea. Also, you still have to ice my hand, like you promised me. – A shower and some ice seemed to be the right decision, Clarke was starting to feel too hot, and the heat made her take rash decisions. Lexa was still holding Clarke in her arms, but she was not as close anymore.

-I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about the ice. Your hand must still hurt. – Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand, brought it close to her face and started examining it, like if she was a doctor or something like that. – It doesn't look broken, just bruised.

-What do you know about broken hands? – Clarke laughed, she was finding that knew Lexa's reaction quite endearing and funny. She had never seen her look at her with such care.

-Let's just say that I've seen my fair number of broken bones to recognize one when I see it. – Lexa said those words so seriously that it made Clarke loose her smile. – Nothing serious, I just might have broken a few of my bones, when I was younger.

-You did? How did that happen? – Every chance Clarke had to know more about little Lexa, she would take it keenly.

-Well, you know me… I'm all adventures and climbing trees. When I was a kid, besides that I used to get into fights. – Lexa started walking over to the kitchen while talking and Clarke followed.

-What? Really? Little Lexa was a fighter? I always thought you were the well-behaved kid.

-And I was. The fights were not a rebellious phase, they were a big sister, over protective, kind of a hero phase. If that makes any sense at all.

-It does, actually. That, I can totally see. Little Lexa, punching some rude guy for making fun of her siblings. That's so you, it still is. – Lexa took the ice out of the freezer and wrapped it around a kitchen towel.

-My parents didn't find it as cute as you. They took me to all these different sports, so that I would release my anger, or something like that. – Lexa started icing Clarke's hand, with such a careful touch.

-So, that's how you got your thing for sports.

-Probably, yes. I started with Karate and moved on to boxing. Now I just like to go to the gym and go for my morning run. You can come with me sometime. – Clarke laughed louder and nervously.

-Me? Are you serious? Do you like me at all? – Lexa seemed confuse at Clarke's reaction. – I hate running.

-Oh… That… I know. But that doesn't mean you can't try. I'm sure you'll enjoy my morning run.

-I love that you believe in that, but I'm not a runner, and I'll probably never be.

-I made you climb a tree, didn't I? – Clarke had no response for that. – Exactly. I'll make a runner out of you, you'll see.

-Fine, I'll give you a chance. I'll try running with you. – _I can't believe I'm saying this._ – But if after that, I still don't like running, will you still like me?

-I think it's pretty impossible for me not to like you. – Lexa reached forward to give Clarke a peck on the lips. When she was moving back, but Clarke bit her lip, stopping her from leaving, and prolonging the kiss, that just grew more passionate. – So, can you stay here icing your hand, while I go take a quick shower? I hate smelling like alcohol and smoke.

-Ok, but then you have to let me take a shower too. I wouldn't want to be smelly next to you. – Lexa got up, gave Clarke a kiss on her head and left her there siting at the kitchen island.

-I'll be really fast, there's water in the fridge if you're thirsty.

Clarke spend the 15 minutes that Lexa took on her shower, going through all the cabinets in the kitchen, ending with the fridge, to grab the water. She always did that, not because she was hungry or something, she just liked knowing what were her options, if she were to be hungry. She did the exact same in her house. Her mother used to nag her about it, saying it wasn't something polite to do, even at their own house. _Mother isn't here now…_

-Clarke! You can come now, the shower is free. – Clarke left the ice and the water on the counter and ran to meet Lexa, who was soaking wet, wrapped in a towel. _God, I love this image._ – Clarke? Did you hear what I just said? – _Nope, not at all._

-Not really, sorry. – Lexa made her famous smirk.

-Were you too busy gawking at me?

-Don't you start with that cockiness of yours. You're naked and wet in front of me, was I supposed not to look?

-Not at all, look all you want. – Lexa turned her back on Clarke and started walking towards her room.

-Hate to see you leave, love to watch you leave. – Lexa didn't look back, but she laughed, something that made Clarke all warm inside, probably because it was something not that usual.

-There's clothes and a towel for you in the bathroom. – Lexa closed the door of her bedroom and Clarke did the same, finally entering the bathroom.

The shower felt like something from the gods themselves. It relaxed her and calmed her, making all the adrenaline from the night dissipate and the tiredness from the long week appear. Once she got out of the shower and started getting dressed, that's when she realized what Lexa had left for her as clothes. A t-shirt and panties. No shorts. Nothing but a big clear blue shirt. _That smart-ass… So that's what you're doing. I can play that game too._

Clarke left the bathroom with her hair dripping on her shirt. She opened the door to Lexa's room and walked the sexiest way she could, swaying her hips sensually and whipping her hair from one side to the other like she used to see on the shampoo commercials.

-What are you doing?

-I'm trying to seduce you. – Lexa smirked again, coming to sit straight at the end of the bed.

-Oh… is that so? Why aren't you wearing the shorts I gave you? – _Shorts? What shorts? There were no shorts!_

-What do you mean? There were no shorts!

-That's impossible, I left them there. – Lexa got up to go get the shorts, as proof she wasn't lying. She reappeared a few seconds later holding a pair of shorts over her head. – See? I knew I had left you shorts. – Clarke felt embarrassed. She had done all that in vain. – Although, I do prefer the no shorts option. – Lexa dropped the shorts on the floor and lunched herself at Clarke, throwing her on the bed.

They ended up both laying on the bed, laughing at each other. Clarke got herself closer to Lexa, coming to rest her nose on her neck.

-I like the way you smell. – Lexa threw her arm around Clarke's waist, hugging her closer and kissing her forehead.

-I like the way you smell too, which is not exactly your smell right now. You smell like me.

-Probably because I just used your shampoo. – Clarke couldn't help herself and started kissing Lexa's neck, just little pecks, her eyes starting to weight more than usual, making it impossible for her to keep them open. Lexa must've noticed how tired she was, because she pushed them up in the bed, covering them with the sheets.

-Maybe we should rest.

-Hum hum. – Clarke just got even closer to Lexa, trying to get as comfortable as she could. Their bodies fitted together perfectly, just like to pieces from the same puzzle. Clarke fell asleep easily, Lexa's lips on her head being the last thing she felt before drowning in her dreams.


	15. Chapter 15

Lexa woke up startled. Clarke was no longer with her face buried in her neck and it made her feel cold. But mostly, Lexa woke up startled due to the sound of the doorbell. The first thing she did when awake was search for Clarke with her hand. When she realized no one, besides her, was lying on the bed, her eyes opened wide and her heart reached her throat. _Was it all just a dream?! God, these dreams are getting way too vivid… Fucking alcohol…_

-Lexa! I'm pretty sure your sister is at the door! – _Clarke? It wasn't a dream?!_ Lexa could feel this warm feeling spreading through her entire body, the moment she heard Clarke's voice.

-Clarke? – Lexa got out of her bed and walked fast to the front door, not wanting to run and look like a desperate person. Clarke was standing half naked, still just wearing her large T-shirt and underwear, looking through the peep hole's door. Lexa stayed in silence gawking her… _girlfriend? Are we girlfriends now? Like, are we dating?_ They hadn't had the time to talk about that yet.

-Lexa, should I open the door? – _Right, I should say something, instead of being just here staring._

-You said it was my sister, right? – _What is Anya doing in Polis? Does father know she's here? She could've at least texted me to tell me she was coming._

-Lexaaa! Open the God damn door! If you don't open this door in the next 3 seconds I will open it myself! – Anya had never been a very patient person.

Lexa opened the door calmly with a smile on her face, as slowly as she could.

-You know I have neighbors, right? – Anya pushed the door wide open and walked through Lexa, completely infuriated.

-No shit, Sherlock. If you didn't want me screaming, you could've opened the door the first time I ringed the bell. – Lexa closed the door behind her sister.

-Are you going to tell me why you're here?

-Sure, and are you going to tell me what she's doing here? – Anya pointed at Clarke without looking at her. – And why she's practically naked?

-Nice to see you too, Anya. – Clarke looked at Lexa instead of Anya while talking and Lexa could feel both pairs of eyes looking at her.

-First of all, the last time I checked, this apartment is mine for this year, so I can bring here whomever I want. And second of all you still have to explain me what you're doing here. – Lexa saw Clarke disappear into the kitchen, probably returning to what she was doing there before Anya, abruptly, interrupted their time alone.

-What a nice way to welcome your beloved sister. I decided to come visit you and this is the way you treat me?

-You should've warned me you were coming.

-Then it wouldn't be a surprise.

-Does father know you're here?

-Kind of…

-What is that supposed to mean?

-I told him I was staying at a friend's house. You're my friend, right? – Anya made her famous mischievous grin and started walking towards her room, Lexa followed.

-I should probably call mom and-

-No need. Mom knows I'm here. I wouldn't lie to her. – Anya was unpacking her bag, while Lexa sat at the end of the bed. She could hear Clarke around the kitchen, probably trying to cook something. – So, now that we got my reason for being here, out of the way, are you going to tell me why she's here?

-Not really, because I don't have to. – Lexa got up and started walking out of Anya's room.

-Are you serious?!

-Actually, my name is Lexa Woods, but if you want to call me Sirius, I think I can live with that, I always liked that character. – Anya had to hold herself not to jump at Lexa, she could feel it, which just made her happier.

-I'm going to kill you, you know that?! – Anya went on unpacking her bag, now throwing her clothes inside the closet and closing the doors with excessive force.

Lexa was already out of her sister's room, deciding to finally join Clarke, when Anya grabbed her by the arm.

-Lexa! Talk to me! What's going on between you two? Are you sleeping together? Are you dating? Oh my God, are you together, like for real, like girlfriends? – _All good questions indeed, to which ones I have no answer._

-Right now, I'm just hungry. So, I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to have breakfast. Do you want to join us, or do you have something else to do? – Anya eventually let go of Lexa's arm and opted to follow her instead. Just before reaching the kitchen, Lexa turned back again to face her sister. – If you disrespect her again, I'll put you out of my house. Do you understand me? – Lexa said that with her commander's voice, like Clarke liked to call it, a low and neutral voice, to make sure only Anya heard it.

-Sure. No need to go all commander on me, _sis_. – Anya walked past Lexa with her hands up, in sign of surrender, and entered the kitchen area. – So, Clarke, what are you cooking? It smells like something is burning in here. – Anya was right, it smelled like smoke.

-Noo! The pie! – _The pie? She made pie?_ Clarke ran to the oven, opening it, only to take all the smoke directly in her face. She sat down in front of the open oven, the smoke starting to spread to the living room.

-Anya, go open the windows. – Anya did as Lexa said, without bickering. Lexa went to take the burnt pie out of the oven. She throwed the pie in the trash and closed the oven, then she sat behind Clarke, one leg on each side and her arms around Clarke's shoulders, holding her close to her, as tight as possible.

-Are you "Koala hugging" me? – Lexa felt delighted to hear that Clarke recognized the hug.

-I am, indeed. – Lexa gave Clarke a kiss to the back of her head. – So, can you tell me what are you cooking? Maybe I can help. – Clarke turned around to face Lexa.

-I'm cooking breakfast. – Clarke said that as it was the most obvious thing ever.

-Pie for breakfast?

-It was an apple pie, with little to no sugar, but I completely forgot I had put it in the oven. And because I was so entangled doing the rest, I didn't hear the timer. – Clarke was now pouting and Lexa just had to hold her tighter and, before she could control herself, her lips were already resting against Clarke's lovely pout. The kiss was tender and quick, but it was enough to destroy the pouting that was once on Clarke's lips. – I liked that. – The most beautiful smile Lexa had ever seen, grew bigger on Clarke's face. The pie was forgotten, as well as the fact that Anya was also in the room. Clarke turned fully to Lexa and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. They stared into each other's eyes intensely, their noses touching before their lips could.

-Uhh… You do know that I'm still here, right? – Lexa took a deep breath to calm herself down, because all she wanted to do was scream for a little bit of privacy, for a moment alone with Clarke. While her eyes were still closed, Clarke gave Lexa a peck on the nose before getting up.

-So, no pie for breakfast, but we still have eggs and bacon. I didn't even attempt on making pancakes, because nothing I make would ever compare to yours. – Clarke hugged Lexa, once she got up, kissing her on the cheek. – Would you make some? Please? If I recall, you still owe me pancakes from a bet you lost. – Lexa smiled at the memory of the bet Clarke was referring to.

-You recall right. How many pancakes do you want?

-Make at least 4 for me. – Anya was still feeling ignored. They both looked at Anya at the same time, not letting go of each other. – What? You asked. Also, do you have anything to drink, I'm feeling like orange juice today.

-I think there's some on the fridge. – Lexa went back to paying attention to Clarke, while Anya went to get the orange juice. – I'm sorry she's here. I could kick her out if you want to?

-That sounds really enticing, but I wouldn't want for you to kick your own sister to the street because of me.

-You two know that I can hear you, right? – They both laughed. Lexa gave Clarke one last kiss, a promise of something more to come, before starting with the pancakes.

-You still have to tell me why you decided to surprise me after just one week. Did you miss me that much, that you couldn't last a week without seeing me? – Anya looked at Lexa with a neutral expression on her face and faked laughed.

-So funny my sister… - Anya went on helping Clarke setting the table for them. – If you really must know, father is the reason.

-Father? – Lexa was not surprised at all.

-Yes, father. Since you been gone, it's like now, I'm supposed to replace you. He's treating me like I am you. He's a pain in the ass. How did you do it for all these years? All that responsibility, it sucks. And Aden is all sad all the time, because he thinks you'll forget about him. Did he used to get into your bed in the middle of the night? – At that, Lexa's heart actually clenched in her chest.

-I had no idea he was feeling like that. I should skype him this afternoon. – Clarke was silent, going on with the shores for breakfast, letting the two sisters talk about their stuff. – And, about father, you really just have to take it for a year. Yes, I know it sucks having him always controlling your every move, but just try and find something where you can release all that, find something that it's only yours, something he can't take away from you. Why do you think I started running and working out so much?

-Wait a second, your father is the reason you look like that? God, I should send him a letter, thanking him. – Clarke was laying the eggs and bacon on the table, when she interrupted the conversation. The room went silent for a second, before the Woods' sisters burst out laughing.

-She has a point, _sis_. Maybe I should start doing the same. I'll let you know if it works for me. – Anya sat down at the kitchen island, joining Clarke, who was already sitting as well, both waiting for the pancakes.

-I was being serious, though. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? – Lexa turned her face back, away from the stove and smirked at Clarke. – Don't you smirk at me! You know damn well that you are an attractive person. You have defined abs, for Christ sake! Who has that?!

-I can stop working out, if you don't want them that defin-

-Don't you dare! – Lexa laughed again and Clarke got up, only to go wrap herself around Lexa's midsection, both hands pulling Lexa's shirt up, so that Clarke could feel Lexa's tight abs. – These are the only reason I'm giving us a chance. – Lexa couldn't quite believe Clarke had just said that out loud. _It's definitive. We really are dating. At least we're trying. She's trying._ Clarke also realized what she had just said, but because Anya was present, they spoke with a look, once again, a promise of something more, for later. They both knew they still had to talk, now while both sober and in a calm environment.

- _Sis_ , are those pancakes taking much longer? I'm starving, here. – At Anya's voice, Clarke let go of Lexa once again, going to sit back at her chair.

-Already making the last one.

They had already finished breakfast and were now sitting on the couch, in the living room, playing Mario kart, because Anya had challenged Clarke for a race, saying that no one could be better than her at Mario kart.

-One thing I'm proud of, is being the champion of Mario kart so, there's no way you'll take that away from me. – When it was about video games, Anya was a very competitive person. Although if Lexa would be serious about it, the competitiveness ran in the family. They always had to be the best.

-You do know that this might be the first time I'm playing this, right? There's like zero to no chances I'll win. – Clarke had no idea what she had got herself into and Lexa was loving the interaction between her sister and her _girlfriend? Can I call her that? I really like the sound of that… we really need to have that conversation._ Lexa's line of thoughts was interrupted when Anya started screaming her victory "anthem". The race was already over and Anya had reassured her place on the top.

In the middle of so much singing and screaming, Lexa almost didn't hear the doorbell ringing, for the second time, that morning. Lexa and Clarke looked at each other questioning who could it be, but they had no idea, so Lexa went to the door.

-Who is it? – Clarke had followed her.

-It's Raven and Octavia. What are they doing here? – Lexa could now see their friends on the intercom. Clarke was as confuse as Lexa. Lexa opened the downstairs door and they entered the building. Lexa opened the apartment door, expecting their friends to come in the elevator, but soon she started to hear rushed steps and heavy breathing from the stairwells. Octavia was the first to reach the end of the stairs, not even stopping to catch her breath.

-Clarke?! Lexa?! Oh my God, you're here. Thanks to God you're ok. – Octavia seemed relieved for seeing them both standing in front of her. – Raven, they're fine!

-Are you kidding me!? Did I just walk all these steps for nothing? Don't those two know about phones? – Was only when they heard Raven talking about it, that they remembered that their phones were off, and that the night before they had disappeared without saying anything.

-Oh my God! I'm so sorry guys… I completely forgot about my phone. I was going to call you later. I'm so sorry. – Clarke rushed to apologizing.

-It's ok. I'm just glad my idiot drunk brother didn't do anything worse to you. – Octavia entered, passing through them and Clarke went with her, while Lexa stayed, waiting for Raven to reach her floor. – What exactly happened last night? I've heard so many different stories that I no longer know which one to believe. And of course, Bellamy was too drunk to remember what he did.

Lexa looked over to the stairs, seeing a red-faced Raven, finally reaching her floor.

-I hate you guys so much right now, that you can't even imagine. You better have food and fresh water for me, or I'm leaving right now. – Lexa smiled at Raven and helped her get inside, closing the door behind her. Anya was no longer singing or screaming, now seated at the couch observing all that was happening around her. Raven sat at the kitchen's island and finally saw the new person that was at her friend's house. – Whoa there, who's the new girl and why wasn't I introduced yet?

-I was about to ask the exact same question? – It looked like Anya and Raven had finally met someone at their level. Lexa finally understood why Raven was someone she felt so comfortable around, _they are so identical… how did I miss that?_ – Hi, I'm Anya, Lexa's younger sister. – Anya introduced herself, not waiting for Lexa to do it for her, while Lexa set the table once again, so Raven could eat something.

-Nice to meet you, Lexa's younger sister. I'm Raven.

-I like what you did with the crutches. – Raven had a few pairs of crutches, due to her leg, all limited edition, personalized by herself.

-Thanks. These are my personal favorite, they pretty much go with all my clothes. – Raven noticed the Tv behind Anya, paused on the Mario kart. – Were you playing without me?! How dare you? – Food and water were soon forgotten and Raven jumped out of the chair, almost running to the couch. – Come on! Who wants to challenge the champion?

-Champion you say… Please… The only champion here, is me. – Anya joined Raven in the couch, restarting the game, finally having a deserving opponent.

-Now that the children are occupied, can we please talk about what happened last night? – Octavia sat with Clarke at the kitchen's island, and Lexa joined them, but sat at the other side, staying in front of them.

-Right… Last night… - Clarke took a glance at Lexa, as to find the courage to relive the night before. Lexa reassured that she was there for her, no words needed, just a look. This morning they had already talked with looks more than with actual words. – Bellamy and I… well we were having a good time, you know? We were talking and dancing, but then out of the blue he tried to kiss me and I pushed him away, maybe with too much force, bu-

-I'm 100% sure you could've used more force. – That interruption from Octavia helped Clarke relax a little, feeling that her friend was on her side.

-So, I left him in the hallway and went to the bathroom, to freshen up… - Clarke glanced at Lexa once again, both knowing that, freshening up was not all that Clarke had done in the bathroom. – And when I came back, I ran into Lexa and we decided it was getting late and that we should leave. When we were about to reach the stairs, he grabbed me by the arm, all of the sudden. He was completely drunk and rude, and started insulting me. Lexa tried to put herself between me and him, but he wouldn't stop. So, I just kind of punched him. – Clarke stayed silent, looking at her friend, trying to read Octavia's expressions, Lexa was doing the same. Anya and Raven had paused the game, both paying attention to the story as well.

-You punched him? – Octavia seemed shocked and slightly delighted with the end of the story.

-Well… yeah… I'm not that strong, so he's probably ok.

-Oh, he's perfectly fine. The only thing he had this morning was a hungover. I can't believe you really punched him. – Octavia had a smile on her face. She was proud of Clarke. – Look, I know he's my brother, but he's a moron sometimes, so you have my blessing to punch him anytime he deserves it.

-Go Clarke! I had no idea you had it in you. – Raven had joined them around the kitchen's island. – Ooohh pancakes. – She took 2 pancakes with her and went to sit back at the couch.

-Looks like Lexa is teaching you a few things. – Even Anya was proud of Clarke.

-Just, next time, please say something before you disappear. Or at least leave your phones on. We tried to call you thousands of times and texted you a lot too, but nothing. So, finally, Raven thought that you might be here.

-I was sure I had seen you two together at the party – Raven spoke with her mouth full and her attention set on the race she was having with Anya. – But then again, I was totally drunk last night. It was a dope party, don't you think?

-It was indeed. I had this girl hitting on me… - Anya even paused the game after hearing those words leaving Lexa's lips.

-You what?! Was she pretty? – Anya had a shocked look in her face. Her sister knew about Lexa's sexuality, of course, but she still thought weird that anyone would show any interest in her sister.

-Who? – Raven was suddenly very interested again.

-I don't quite remember her name to be honest, but she knew you, guys.

-It was Naila, that girl from the room in front of ours. – Lexa was now the one surprised. She had no idea that Clarke knew the girl. It made her feel worse about her actions with Naila, the night before. _I can't believe I was actually considering kissing that girl…_

-I know her, yeah… She's good looking, kind of. But I didn't think she was your type, Lexa. – Lexa was not shocked by the fact that Raven knew who the girl was. Raven knew everyone, she usually said that, to succeed in life she needed her connections.

-She isn't. – Lexa took a quick glance at Clarke, quick enough to only be noticed by Clarke herself. – The truth is, while drunk, I don't quite have a type, if you know what I mean?

-Yeah… - The four girls sighed in unison, agreeing with Lexa, it was a funny reaction to see, and they all laughed at it.

Clarke was feeling at ease. Spending the afternoon with her friends, just talking and playing video games, was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Not having to get dressed or leave the comfort of the house was something Clarke liked to do, especially during the weekends, after a long and emotional week. Also, the fact that she had spent the entire day with Lexa, helped to her feeling at ease. She had woken up feeling comfortable in Lexa's arms, surrounded by that smell that she had come to love even more. The smell of vanilla was now something that made her think of home, of Lexa. The negative part of the night before had been buried in the depths of her mind. She had woken up with the need to do something to thank Lexa, thence the pie she had tried to make.

Clarke had thought she was going to spend the day alone with Lexa, finally having the time to just be together, without her doubts always creeping in, but her plans had been destroyed once the doorbell had rung and Anya showed up at the apartment. Then later, Octavia and Raven had decided to join them as well. Clarke wasn't complaining at all, she was loving the afternoon spent with all the girls, just chilling, but she was aching for Lexa, she wanted the intimacy they had been depriving themselves of, for so long.

Because it was something so recent, they had decided not to share it with their friends, not yet. Not that they had talked about it either, but they had shared a silent look, agreeing that they weren't ready to "make it public", something she would have to thank Lexa later, her understanding and patience. So, because it was still, kind of a secret, they had spent the entire afternoon sharing little touches and staring at each other from a distance, both longing for the time they would be alone. Clarke couldn't believe in herself, the way she was feeling, the way she was missing Lexa's lips, Lexa's hands, just Lexa. Now that she had accepted to herself that she would try it, it was like her entire body had finally woken up. She was finally letting herself feel it, feel everything. She was now finding that, it was all way more intense then she had been letting herself believe. The way she felt about Lexa was never a friendship, and she had no idea how she had ever doubt it. Or, maybe it was all so intense because it was something new, something she was still finding out.

-Clarke? Earth to Clarke. – Raven gave Clarke a little nudge at the side, bringing her back to real life, pulling her out of her own mind. – It's your turn. – They were now playing a different game, one that Clarke was still trying to learn how to play.

-Sorry, I was distracted. Who am I playing against? – Clarke looked around the room, her eyes setting on a famous smirk.

-Me. – Lexa was holding the other control, smirking with confidence spread all over her face. – And you're going to lose.

-We'll see. – Clarke knew she was going to lose, again. Video games were definitely not her thing. Her strategy until then had been pressing all the buttons and expecting for the best.

Around 7pm, they decided to move to the kitchen and cook something for dinner. Octavia wanted to go back to the residence, but Raven was reluctant to leave, being way too interested in spending time with Anya. Clarke helped Raven and Anya set the table in the living room. They had decided against eating at the kitchen island once again. Lexa and Octavia joined forces in the kitchen and started cooking.

-I still don't understand why you won't let me help you guys in the kitchen… - Raven had been prohibited of helping with the cooking.

-Because I know you too well, and around the kitchen you only have two possibly endings, or you end up burning stuff and hurting yourself, or you start eating before you even finish anything. – Octavia and Raven knew each other too well and Clarke usually trusted Octavia about Raven.

-Lexa doesn't let me touch the knifes either… - Once again Anya and Raven found something they shared. – Clarke laughed in silent at those two, who once again grabbed the controls and went to play video games while the other two cooked.

Clarke sat at the kitchen island, watching Octavia at the stove and Lexa at the balcony cutting all the vegetables. All she wanted to do was go to Lexa and wrap her arms around her, and kiss that beautiful neck. Seeing Lexa in a T-shirt and really short shorts, handling a knife as if it was something she had been doing since forever, was making Clarke feel even more attracted towards Lexa. _Those hands with long fingers, working that knife…_ Clarke had to go drink a glass of cool water, to try and cool herself down. Since that wasn't enough, Clarke decided to go to the bathroom and wash her face. She was about to close the door, when a foot stopped it from shutting.

-Hi… - Lexa entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. – Are you ok? I saw you leaving and you had a weird expre-

Clarke didn't let Lexa finish what she was saying, jumping at her, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck and clashing their lips together. The kiss was intense but short. Clarke wanted more, so much more, but someone could come knocking at the door at any moment and, although the feeling of being caught just made it all more exciting, Clarke wasn't ready to share their new relationship.

-I just had to kiss you. What were you saying?

-Nothing important. – Lexa held Clarke closer and reached for her lips again, this time slowly, teasing her, lips grazing her nose, passing through her mouth without stopping, going lower, closer to Clarke's jawline. Lexa left a kiss there, then another one a little lower, another one a little lower, going for Clarke's neck and her collarbone.

-Lex… - Clarke was having trouble speaking fluently. The neck had always been a weak spot for her and Lexa knew exactly how to use that to her advantage.

-Yes, Clarke? – Lexa breathed the words against Clarke's neck.

-God, I hate you so much right now… - Clarke regained her strength and pushed herself away from Lexa. – We're not alone. Believe me, I want this more than anything. I've been wanting to kiss that smirk of yours the entire afternoon.

-Is that so?... – Lexa showed her famous smirk and started moving closer to Clarke once again, but Clarke stopped her before it was too late.

-No. – Clarke took a deep breath and maintained her position. – Do not make this harder for me, Lexa Woods.

-Fine. – Lexa stepped away, reluctantly. – I'll give you a few moments for you to recompose yourself. – And with that, Lexa kissed Clarke on the cheek and left the bathroom.

Clarke looked at herself in the mirror seeing her flushed cheeks. She washed her face and sprinkled a little bit of water on her neck, to help her cool down. There was nothing she could do about the wetness in her panties, though. The moment she left that bathroom, Clarke spent the rest of the night counting the minutes until her friends would leave. She felt terrible for wanting them gone, but the heat between her legs was stronger now, making it impossible for her to ignore it. _Damn you, Lexa!_

-Dinner is ready! – Octavia and Lexa brought the food to the table. Only the two cooking knew what was for dinner. Octavia had refused to answer what it was.

The moment Raven and Anya heard that food was ready, the game was paused instantly. Food was probably one of the few things that would get them to stop playing. Whatever it was, it smelled amazing.

They all sat around the table. The dinner was sautéed vegetables and grilled chicken steaks, something healthy, seeing the ones that had cooked were probably the most fit people in the house. It was all very delicious and soon the dinner was over. Raven and Anya decided to join and clean the kitchen, something that made Lexa very shocked.

-Wow… Anya, you're helping clean? – Anya threw a kitchen towel at Lexa's head, after hearing the comment, that was caught midair. – Raven, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you might be a good influence on my sister.

-Hey! What is that supposed to mean? Of course, I'm a good influence. – Octavia laughed the loudest from the three of them. – I see you there, O… - Raven turned her back to them and went in the kitchen area. – Come on, Anya, let's show them how good we clean.

After all cleaned, they stayed for just a little more, talking about the week that was to come, but soon Octavia started saying they should leave, because she had to wake up early the next day. If it was for Raven, they would stay there all night, seeing she only had classes after lunch.

They took Octavia and Raven to the door. Clarke was going to stay the night again, not the wisest decision, but she still had a lot to talk about with Lexa. _Yes, talking… that's definitely what I'm planning on doing…_ Anya exchanged numbers with Raven and had already planned on meeting her the next day for lunch. Once the door closed, both Lexa and Clarke sighed a little bit of relief, finally coming closer again.

-You two are so gay, it's incredible… So, you're not telling them, why exactly? They seemed great people. – Clarke was not expecting an interrogation, at that moment.

-Not now, Anya… I'm too tired. I'm happy that you're here, and that you're ok with us, but for now, we're deciding not to go public, so if you could not tell anything... – Lexa was also not in the mood for answering questions.

-Ok, ok… Don't worry _sis_ , I can keep a secret. – Anya dropped the issue there, and Clarke felt relief once again. All she could think about was Lexa. – I'm not tired yet, so I think I'm going to stay on the couch for a while.

-We have classes tomorrow so, we're going to bed.

-I like that you used classes as an excuse. – Anya winked at Lexa and disappeared into the living room.

-God, I hate and love her so much. – Lexa put one arm around Clarke's waist and they went to her room. Clarke closed the door behind them and turned her full attention to Lexa, who had sat at the end of the bed. Lexa was gawking Clarke with hungrily eyes. The way Lexa looked at her made her feel beautiful and sexy, something she wasn't used to feel. Clarke had never been someone super confident about her body, but when Lexa looked at her with those searching green eyes, it made her question the way she looked at herself. – So, should we talk?

-We should, but I'm not sure I want to talk right now… - Clarke walked closer to Lexa, swinging her hips as seductively as she could. She stopped in front of Lexa and looked down at those forest green eyes. Lexa grabbed her ass and pushed her closer, looking up straight into the deep blue of Clarke's eyes.

-Good, me neither. – Clarke sat on Lexa's legs, straddling her, and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. They took a moment to just look at each other. Clarke could see Lexa's green eyes just getting darker and hungrier. While Lexa's hands were still on Clarke's ass, Clarke's hands were playing with Lexa's little nape's hairs. – You know we don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable about, right? – Lexa could sense Clarke hesitating. She was just now coming to the realization that she had never kissed Lexa sober, and that was scaring her, a lot. _What if I suck at this? I mean, this is my first time._ – Clarke? – Lexa's eyes were returning to the lighter green that Clarke knew so well.

-I'm just… - _How can I put this in words?_ – I was just realizing that this will be my first time. Not just my first time, like with all the sex stuff, but my first time doing anything with you, while sober. What if I suck at this? I mean, this won't be your first time, you're experienced. I'll definitely suck. – Lexa stayed looking at Clarke, no judgement in her face, just love and understanding. _God, she's so perfect._

-Clarke. – Lexa took her hands out of Clarke's ass and came to hold her face, to make Clarke look her in the eyes. – You will most definitely not suck. I will guide you through everything, I'll help you and I'll be slow. You just have to relax and don't overthink it, just go with the feeling. Also, I'm not that experienced. – Lexa smiled at that. – I've just been with another girl, besides you. – Clarke smiled back at Lexa.

-Why do you have to be so damn perfect? – Clarke's favorite smirk made its appearance in Lexa's lips and Clarke just had to kiss it. She could feel the smirk disappearing against her lips, once Lexa started kissing her back. The kiss started slow and caring, both just getting used to each other's lips, now both sober and calm. Lexa's hands started to make their way down again, stopping at Clarke's waist, pulling her closer. The heat in Clarke's core started burning again, which helped her with what to do, since her body started moving on its own to find a way to deal with it. Clarke started dry humping Lexa's leg, trying to get the friction she needed. Lexa smirked once again against Clarke's lips, when she felt Clarke moving. At that, Clarke bit Lexa's lower lip, pulling it slightly, licking it afterwards. She then stared at Lexa's dark eyes. – That's what you get for smirking. – Lexa came up to kiss Clarke again, but Clarke moved back, teasing her.

Clarke was now the one smiling, but not for long. Lexa grabbed her by the ass and turned them around, in one smooth motion, getting on top of Clarke. She pinned Clarke's hands above her head and kissed Clarke with passion as an answer to Clarke's teasing. Clarke moaned against the kiss. Lexa held Clarke's hands above her head with one hand and with the other she started roaming down, slowly, drawing an invisible path, from Clarke's neck to Clarke's hip bone. Their eyes stayed connected, so Lexa could see any signs of hesitation from Clarke. But all she saw was desire. Once her other hand left Clarke's hands to join the other, Lexa pulled Clarke's shirt up, ceasing the kiss to pull it over Clarke's head. The T-shirt was thrown somewhere to the floor. Lexa took a moment to appreciate Clarke's almost naked body under her, which made Clarke blush. Once again, Lexa stared Clarke in the eyes, as if asking for permission to continue. All Clarke could read in Lexa's face was hunger, passion and love. That's when she knew, there would never be someone else she could do this with. Lexa was the right person to be with, for the first time.

Lexa's lips crashed against Clarke's neck this time and her hands started to wonder up her upper body, coming to rest under Clarke's boobs. Lexa always the caring person, took her time with every new touch. She ran a thumb over Clarke's right nipple, making a shiver travel through Clarke's body. She started to make small circles around it with her finger, while her lips made her magic on Clarke's neck.

-Lexa… - The name came out of Clarke's mouth as a whimper, the heat in her core was getting unbearable. At that, Lexa started her path of kisses down to Clarke's collarbone, sucking on it to leave a little mark, only to resume her way down. For a moment, Clarke stopped feeling Lexa's lips on her skin, only to feel them again, this time around her left nipple. At the touch, a moan left her lips and her back arched forward meeting Lexa's mouth.

Lexa flicked her tongue against Clarke's now hard nipple, while she made lightly little pinches with her other hand on Clarke's other nipple. She then changed, giving attention to both nipples equally.

-Lexa, please… - Clarke's hips had started move upwards against Lexa's lower abs, trying to find the friction she so desperately needed. Lexa took her moves as an incentive to resume her path, going lower with each kiss, almost where Clarke wanted her and needed her. She kissed Clarke's lower belly and with her hands pulled Clarke's panties down her legs. The cool breeze on her pussy felt good, but then a voice in Clarke's head decided to reminder her that she was completely naked under Lexa's gaze. Panties off, Lexa looked at Clarke, entirely.

-Beautiful. So beautiful. – Lexa's husky voice and hungry look shut the voice in Clarke's mind. The view of Lexa between her legs was something out of that world, she just wanted to be devoured by those lips and that skilled tongue. She did just as Lexa had told her, and relaxed, letting Lexa continue. She trusted her.

Lexa started placing kisses up Clarke's inner thighs, getting closer each time. Her hips started to move each time Lexa kissed closer to her core and Lexa came to rest her hands on her hips, pinning her to the bed. When Lexa reached her destination she stopped, so close, breathing on her, making Clarke squirm under her hands.

-Lex… Please… - Lexa didn't leave her waiting any longer, sliding her tongue flat up Clarke's slick folds, once, flicking lightly at Clarke's clit at the end. – F-Fuck. – The feeling of Lexa's tongue against her clit was amazing, and she wanted more, so much more. Clarke looked down, to find Lexa looking up, Lexa's eyes had never been so dark. She sucked on Clarke's clit, never cutting their eye contact, which just made it all more intense.

Lexa started flicking her tongue against Clarke's clit, slowly at first, but increasing the pace once Clarke's moans started to get louder. Lexa pushed one finger inside Clarke attentively not wanting to hurt Clarke. She got it deep inside Clarke and twisted it, hitting Clarke's soft spot and earning a train of curses that left Clarke's lips. She kept the same motion with her finger for a while before adding a second one. Clarke was tight, making it harder for the second finger to go in, but once it did, and Lexa hit Clarke's soft spot once again, Clarke's back arched out of the bed. Once she found what got Clarke all worked up, Lexa kept her movements, increasing the pace, both from her tongue as from her fingers.

-Lexa! Fuck… God, right there! – Clarke screamed between clenched teeth, trying not to be too loud, so Anya wouldn't hear them. Once the pace of Lexa's flickering tongue increased, Clarke's hands grabbed Lexa's hair, getting her closer to her core, as much as it was physically possible. Her hips started meeting Lexa's fingers with each thrust. – I'm… I'm cuming! Fuck! Lexa! – Lexa twisted her fingers inside Clarke one last time. Clarke closed her legs around Lexa's head for a second before Lexa sent her down a spiraling orgasm. Clarke felt the waves hitting her, one after another, her body jerking time after time. Lexa didn't take her fingers out of Clarke, letting her ride her orgasm. Once Clarke's back met the mattress again and her breathing started to calm down, Lexa finally pulled her fingers out of Clarke, bringing them to her mouth and sucking them clean, while staring deep into the blue from Clarke's eyes. _What a marvelous image._

-So good… - Lexa smirked at Clarke, that beautiful smirk of hers and Clarke grabbed her face and pulled her up, so she could kiss those plump lips. The kiss tasted different, it tasted like herself. Clarke felt her legs like gelatin, not being able to move them properly.

-Wow… - Clarke talked into the kiss, still trying to catch her breath. Lexa was over her, propped on her toned arms, which made her biceps pop, smiling down at Clarke. – I want… - Clarke could feel herself blushing. _Really? After what she just did, I'm still embarrassed? Get it together Clarke!_ – I want to make you feel like that. I want to know what you taste like… - Lexa's eyes widened and she kissed Clarke, smiling into the kiss.

Clarke pulled herself up and sat with her back against the head's bed. Lexa followed her crashing their lips together again.

-I would really like that… - Lexa looked at Clarke and smiled. Clarke slid her thumb over Lexa's sharp cheekbones. _God how beautiful she is…_ Clarke bit her lower lip, trying to get the courage to actually go forward with it. She wanted to retribute, she wanted to make Lexa whimper and squirm under her touch, just as she had done a few seconds before.

-I just noticed, that you're still dressed. How did that happen? – Clarke tugged at Lexa's T-shirt, hiding her hands under it, so she could feel Lexa's tight abs.

-I was too busy, and you were too focused on more important things. – Lexa gave a light a kiss to Clarke's nose. – But I can take it off, if you want to.

-No. I want to do it myself. – Clarke still felt slightly embarrassed every time she tried to be seductive, fear of sounding or looking ridiculous. But Lexa never laughed at her, she just looked at her lovingly with her beautiful green eyes getting darker, _if that was even possible._

Clarke reached Lexa's lips and sucked on her bottom lip, pulling it slightly, earning a moan that escaped Lexa's mouth. Clarke started turning them around, her hands on Lexa's shoulders, pushing her down against the bed. She sat on top of Lexa's midsection, straddling her one more time.

-First things first. – Clarke tugged at Lexa's T-shirt, pulling her out so she could reveal Lexa's perfect toned abs. _God… How come I took so long saying yes?_ Clarke slid her hands down Lexa's abs and Lexa smiled. Clarke could swear she felt Lexa tighten her abs, so they would pop out even more. She then ducked down, coming to kiss Lexa's lips. Her head was running crazy with thoughts of what to do, to the goddess under her. The kiss grew more passionate and her hands started roaming Lexa's body, attentively reaching Lexa's boobs. At every new touch, Clarke would search any kind of response from Lexa, to see if she was doing something wrong. She tried to remember what Lexa had done to her and she tried to replicate it.

Clarke went to kiss Lexa's neck and before she could control herself, she was sucking on Lexa's sweet spot, making Lexa moan under her. Clarke bit lightly on Lexa's neck before moving down, leaving a path of red marks down Lexa's neck until her collarbone. Lexa didn't seem too worried about it, with her eyes half closed, little moans leaving her lips anytime Clarke would bite her neck. While Clarke's lips were busy marking Lexa's neck, her hands were occupied pulling Lexa's shorts down her legs. Once those were on the floor, Clarke brushed her hand over Lexa's core and she could feel the hot wetness in her underwear.

-Is that all for me? – Clarke whispered in Lexa's ear, biting her earlobe before returning her path, reaching Lexa's perked boobs. Clarke draw little circles around Lexa's nipples, with her tongue, only to blow on them after, making Lexa squirm under her, at each blow.

- _Klarke_ … please… - The way Lexa said her name was so enticing, popping the "K" with her tongue. Clarke kissed her nipples a few more times before returning her way down. With her tongue, she felt the little ups and downs from Lexa's abs, finally reaching her core. Lexa's panties were completely ruined, but Clarke didn't pull them out immediately. She ran her nose over Lexa's panties, without making too much pressure. – Fuck, _Klarke_. Please… - Lexa's hips were coming up to meet Clarke's face, trying to reach her touch. – Please, touch me. Please... – Lexa looked down at Clarke, between her legs, and probably saw the look on Clarke's face. – Clarke? You're doing amazing, babe. – Clarke loved the nickname. Lexa propped her upper body on her elbows, trying to have a clear view at Clarke's face.

-You're so wet… - Clarke was able to see, for the first time, Lexa blush, and that just gave her all the confidence she needed.

-Only for you. – At that, Clarke started to pull Lexa's panties down, and Lexa lay down again. On her way up, Clarke dropped kisses on Lexa's inner thighs, slowly reaching Lexa's core. Once there, Clarke stayed staring at it for a second, just looking. _It's beautiful… She's beautiful._ Clarke dropped a little kiss to Lexa's clit, making her jerk, then another kiss just at Lexa's entrance. She then licked her own lips, tasting Lexa's juices. _Tasty…_ Clarke gave another try, this time licking Lexa's pussy from her entrance until her clit, giving a little suck to the clit at the end, just like Lexa had done it. Lexa moaned at the touch from Clarke's tongue. – God, _Klarke_ … - Clarke started giving little flicks of her tongue over Lexa's clit, trying to find which one got the more responses out of her. Every time Clarke would stop her movements, Lexa's hips would come up to meet Clarke's lips again. – Please, don't stop. – Clarke used her hands to keep Lexa's hips pinned on the bed and pushed her tongue inside Lexa, moving it there. At that, Clarke felt Lexa's hands tugging at her hair. – Klarke… please go back to what you were doing before. I liked that better. – Clarke felt embarrassed for braking Lexa's climb.

-Sorry…

-Don't be, you're doing great, really great. – Lexa's eyes only showed understanding, once again Lexa showed how amazing she was.

Clarke placed a kiss on Lexa's inner thigh and one on Lexa's clit, before going back to flicking her tongue over Lexa's clit, starting slow once again, and increasing her pace, when Lexa's breathing and moans started to be more frequent again. At a certain time, Clarke started to feel her tongue come to exhaustion, but the want to see Lexa squirm under her was stronger. Lexa started grinding her clit against Clarke's tongue, faster, and faster, her back arching and her hips leaving the mattress.

Suddenly, her hips froze mid hair and her breath got stuck in her throat, before Clarke could feel, Lexa unraveled herself under her. Wave after wave, hitting her body, making her hips jerk and her legs shake. Clarke kept her tongue doing slow strokes on Lexa's clit, letting her ride out her orgasm. Never had she seen such beautiful event happening in front of her eyes. Watching Lexa ride her orgasm against her lips was perfection. A moment of so much intimacy, where she could feel so weak and so powerful at the same time. After a while, each stroke of Clarke's tongue on Lexa's clit, would make her whimper, and Lexa grabbed Clarke's face and brought her up, so she could kiss her.

-I'm way too sensitive now. – Lexa kissed Clarke, over and over again, little light pecks on her lips. – Are you sure you never did this before?

-Nope, never. – Clarke smiled and she couldn't stop herself from feeling proud of herself.

-Well, you could've fooled me. – Lexa smirked and Clarke could feel herself blushing.

Clarke snuggled her face against Lexa's neck, her eyes closing, the sleep starting to creep on her. Their skins touching being the only source of heat. Lexa held Clarke closer to her side, giving a kiss to her head.

-Maybe we should go to sleep. – Clarke was already half asleep.

-Hum hum… - Lexa smiled at her response, pulled the sheet over them and closed the lights. Clarke kissed Lexa's neck, a kiss of good-night and threw an arm around Lexa's waist, snuggling her body as close to Lexa's heat as possible.

They fell asleep in each other's arms, both starting to feel something for the other girl, that they weren't ready to admit to themselves. Love.


End file.
